Tyra Banks: supermodel, sadist. . .
I rarely watch more than five minutes of any given reality show at once, and tonight when i accidentally tuned into Top Model, it was no exception. Tyra, like the bitchy high school head cheerleader drama queen she is, decided to shake things up by scaring the girls with Vivienne Westwood stiletto horror stories. "Girl, her shoes are sooo notorious that even the world's(!!!) most famous supermodel of the day fell(!!!) yes fell(!!!) coming down the runway(!!!) You unknown nobodies don't stand a chance. NOW GO BACKSTAGE AND PUT ON YOUR HEELS!!!"
The lanky eating disorder clinic escapees then proceeded to tumble one by one down the teeny runway. When i tuned back in after some channel surfing they were doing the big reveal:
Twiggy (to crying girl): WHen i saw you i said, I JUST KNOW THIS ONE's GONNA TAKE A DIVE!
Tyra (serious concerned face): WHy are you crying? Hmmm!? (Hip-tilt-sass).
Crying girl: Because i just wanted to do well and i'm a failure! A miserable awful failure!
Trya: Well let's see how you're pictures came out.
Panel (all together when the photos have been revealed): ABysmal- Horrid-lack of control-Where is the model? YOU NEED TO WORK YOU're THIGHS!
Twiggy (in the background): MEDIOCRE! WRETCHED! NEXT!
Then they proceeded to coddle some girl on crutches who was next in line, probably fearing she would be sensible and sue the pants off the people responsible. All i could do was scream at the tv:
"MY GOD! THEY MADE YOU BREAK YOUR ANKLE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT! THIS IS THE SICKEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER SEEN! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That Twiggy is a real bitch.
In other news:
I almost ate a bad mussel this evening at dinner. The shell was steamed open so i figured it was fine. When i put it in mouth it tasted like a clam shack dumpster in a heat wave. I proceeded to stick out my tongue where it wiggled for a bit and then slid into my napkin. I buried it under a pile of discarded shells. Rotten seafood is still preferable to America's Next Top Model.
The lanky eating disorder clinic escapees then proceeded to tumble one by one down the teeny runway. When i tuned back in after some channel surfing they were doing the big reveal:
Twiggy (to crying girl): WHen i saw you i said, I JUST KNOW THIS ONE's GONNA TAKE A DIVE!
Tyra (serious concerned face): WHy are you crying? Hmmm!? (Hip-tilt-sass).
Crying girl: Because i just wanted to do well and i'm a failure! A miserable awful failure!
Trya: Well let's see how you're pictures came out.
Panel (all together when the photos have been revealed): ABysmal- Horrid-lack of control-Where is the model? YOU NEED TO WORK YOU're THIGHS!
Twiggy (in the background): MEDIOCRE! WRETCHED! NEXT!
Then they proceeded to coddle some girl on crutches who was next in line, probably fearing she would be sensible and sue the pants off the people responsible. All i could do was scream at the tv:
"MY GOD! THEY MADE YOU BREAK YOUR ANKLE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT! THIS IS THE SICKEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER SEEN! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That Twiggy is a real bitch.
In other news:
I almost ate a bad mussel this evening at dinner. The shell was steamed open so i figured it was fine. When i put it in mouth it tasted like a clam shack dumpster in a heat wave. I proceeded to stick out my tongue where it wiggled for a bit and then slid into my napkin. I buried it under a pile of discarded shells. Rotten seafood is still preferable to America's Next Top Model.