(no subject)
I'm not ok.
My job refuses to exchange my Tuesday shift to Saturday. They want to fire me because I will not be available Tuesday. The call center is open 7/7, they need people but they refuses and I'm going to loose my job.
I try once more to speak to Manuel and Manuel blocked me once more.
Some things never change, huh?
It's not that I'm depressed. I take my meds every fucking days. I am not really depressed. I am. But in a neutral way. It's not despair, it's resignation. I feel that it's time to just end everything and that's it. I need to think about it because I got beliefs on death and on those ones who commit suicide. I got hopes too but I feel it's fake and that it's going to lead to another failiure.
I feel that I'm going to be alone all my life and that I'm just going to wait for something that won't happen. I'm tired to be the "Hunchback of Notre-Dame" or "the girl who think she's a man".
Of course, Chriss has found out and she has write to my therapist.
And my therapist has - not force me but... - called a special center and yeah. I'm going to pass a few days "inside" with social workers and stuff like that.
My job refuses to exchange my Tuesday shift to Saturday. They want to fire me because I will not be available Tuesday. The call center is open 7/7, they need people but they refuses and I'm going to loose my job.
I try once more to speak to Manuel and Manuel blocked me once more.
Some things never change, huh?
It's not that I'm depressed. I take my meds every fucking days. I am not really depressed. I am. But in a neutral way. It's not despair, it's resignation. I feel that it's time to just end everything and that's it. I need to think about it because I got beliefs on death and on those ones who commit suicide. I got hopes too but I feel it's fake and that it's going to lead to another failiure.
I feel that I'm going to be alone all my life and that I'm just going to wait for something that won't happen. I'm tired to be the "Hunchback of Notre-Dame" or "the girl who think she's a man".
Of course, Chriss has found out and she has write to my therapist.
And my therapist has - not force me but... - called a special center and yeah. I'm going to pass a few days "inside" with social workers and stuff like that.