what if...
what if i like miami... its so far away from "home"... but whats home anymore? home is what you MAKE it, and for that matter, where you make it. Im afraid if i like it, im going to be down there, making all new friends, and somehow forgetting about all the friends here...
no really though, what if i like it so much, that i find a job, and end up not coming home for the summers... what if i just stop coming "home" at all... is West Deptford my HOME? or is miami my home... is miami going to be my home?
its too much to make sense of in my head at once... i could end up going down there this weekend, and LOVING it, and then get there when college actually starts, and completely hate it... but im not a quitter, or atleast when it comes to sculpting my future, im not a quitter.
im not a quitter.
so say i do hate it, im not a quitter, im not coming home... ill continuosly tell myself that "give it time, youll learn to love it"... you cant LEARN TO LOVE anything, love has to be unspoken, unnoticed, and untamed, until you come to terms with it.
my time is done in west deptford. theres nothing left here for me... when i leave, im going to forget about it... or atleast try. people who leave west deptford say they always end up coming back, or they're always going to end up living and dying there... i dont want that to be me, a city, a tropical city, a beach town, thats meant for me... thats where im meant to be.
have you ever seen the OC...? the cohen house, in the future, will be the same kind of house i will own... high up in the huntington beach hills, looking down on the ocean... or will it be?
i dont want a wife, and i dont want kids... i want to be free to come and go as i please... and plus, im not a sharer... i dont share. i wont share... i wont learn to share, like ill learn to accept "home".
i want to be somewhere thats going to make me happy. i want to be somewhere where i will learn to be independent... i may be going to school so one day i can open up a hotel, but thats a 25/8 job... no i didnt mistake those numbers... its 25 hours a day, 8 days a week... you never have a spare second... your always around what "you love to do"
what do i want to do? what do i want to love doing? what can i love doing?
my mind changes so frequently that i wont be able to tell you what i love doing it, until im doing it.
who knows anymore.
yes, i know this entry is too much, and i know it has no direct point of interest, but i thought if i wrote down what i was thinking, it would help me to stop thinking about all of it at once.
miami in less then one week... what will i think of it?
on a lighter note, billy joel was amazing, so if i were you, i would do all i can to finnaggle some tickets.
no really though, what if i like it so much, that i find a job, and end up not coming home for the summers... what if i just stop coming "home" at all... is West Deptford my HOME? or is miami my home... is miami going to be my home?
its too much to make sense of in my head at once... i could end up going down there this weekend, and LOVING it, and then get there when college actually starts, and completely hate it... but im not a quitter, or atleast when it comes to sculpting my future, im not a quitter.
im not a quitter.
so say i do hate it, im not a quitter, im not coming home... ill continuosly tell myself that "give it time, youll learn to love it"... you cant LEARN TO LOVE anything, love has to be unspoken, unnoticed, and untamed, until you come to terms with it.
my time is done in west deptford. theres nothing left here for me... when i leave, im going to forget about it... or atleast try. people who leave west deptford say they always end up coming back, or they're always going to end up living and dying there... i dont want that to be me, a city, a tropical city, a beach town, thats meant for me... thats where im meant to be.
have you ever seen the OC...? the cohen house, in the future, will be the same kind of house i will own... high up in the huntington beach hills, looking down on the ocean... or will it be?
i dont want a wife, and i dont want kids... i want to be free to come and go as i please... and plus, im not a sharer... i dont share. i wont share... i wont learn to share, like ill learn to accept "home".
i want to be somewhere thats going to make me happy. i want to be somewhere where i will learn to be independent... i may be going to school so one day i can open up a hotel, but thats a 25/8 job... no i didnt mistake those numbers... its 25 hours a day, 8 days a week... you never have a spare second... your always around what "you love to do"
what do i want to do? what do i want to love doing? what can i love doing?
my mind changes so frequently that i wont be able to tell you what i love doing it, until im doing it.
who knows anymore.
yes, i know this entry is too much, and i know it has no direct point of interest, but i thought if i wrote down what i was thinking, it would help me to stop thinking about all of it at once.
miami in less then one week... what will i think of it?
on a lighter note, billy joel was amazing, so if i were you, i would do all i can to finnaggle some tickets.