Spring makes me reflective in a slightly cheese filled way
Sometimes I feel like the misfit kid sister who always shows up to family events with her hair a mess and sleep in her eyes and coffee stains on her shirt. I'm not quite sure who the older sister would be, though. But I'm the kooky one, for sure.
I finally organized my desk so now it's almost in order instead of being a big jumble of paper vomit. I'm not sure I've ever been a tidy person and it's not as if it's particularly hard to be a tidy person, but I seem to be missing the neatness gene. Although, sometimes I desperately wish to one of those people who are very tidy and organized...not to the anal color coding degree but just everything is in its place type. But the type of life I want, which by the way will be filled with flowers everyday, I guess I can't keep dreaming about and preparing for it. I imagine there comes a point when you have to stop preparing for it and actually live the life you want. Yesterday, I bought flowers - irises - and however insignificant a step that was it was something I could do to head towards...something. Cleaning my room, buying flowers, drinking coffee, not obessessing over negative things...you know, these are all things I can do. I don't have too many expectations of myself other than to be a kind and gracious person, cultured and what else... a thoughtfully active person.
I wonder where I'll be in life in ten years. Perhaps I won't be a curator, maybe I'll be teaching or writing books or working in an auction house...or lots of things. I would however, love to write a book about Rochas and hope to parlay my thesis into that. I spent the weekend not in the school library this weekend and it was very good for me. Granted, I didn't get so much work done, but I think being away from school and my classmates is good for my mental health. I tend to get kind of tense and anxious around my classmates. It's partly because it's the end of the semester and we have so much left to do and it's partly from me being to concerned about how my ideas and my work matches up to everyone's elses. It's just better if I don't know. While, it's great that I'm surrounded by smart people that are interested in my field, it's also very good for me to step back reflect on my own work and get away from all the comparison stuff and concentrate on me and I'd like to know my classmates on a level beyond just "What are you working on? Oh, geez you did all that, do I need to do that?" All that energy diverted away from doing what interests me, what a waste! Does anyone have any opnions about hanging out/being around classmates so much and the weird competition (usually conjured up by yourself) that sometimes arises?
So now if off to shower and then the NYPL, which beyond the annoyance of their book retrieving methods, I really enjoy being in because I'm there alone with all these other people hunched over doing their research and it's nice and quiet and kind of comforting.
Also, Hybrid Modernities: Architecture and Representation at the 1931 Colonial Exposition, Paris by Patricia Morton is interesting so far. I guess her point is that the architecture of the "native" villages and structures was the primary visual means through which colonial order was represented to the public. Being a budding fashion historian, I'm arguing that it happened through clothing that was influenced by the exposition, specifically Rochas. Fun stuff, I know, right?
I finally organized my desk so now it's almost in order instead of being a big jumble of paper vomit. I'm not sure I've ever been a tidy person and it's not as if it's particularly hard to be a tidy person, but I seem to be missing the neatness gene. Although, sometimes I desperately wish to one of those people who are very tidy and organized...not to the anal color coding degree but just everything is in its place type. But the type of life I want, which by the way will be filled with flowers everyday, I guess I can't keep dreaming about and preparing for it. I imagine there comes a point when you have to stop preparing for it and actually live the life you want. Yesterday, I bought flowers - irises - and however insignificant a step that was it was something I could do to head towards...something. Cleaning my room, buying flowers, drinking coffee, not obessessing over negative things...you know, these are all things I can do. I don't have too many expectations of myself other than to be a kind and gracious person, cultured and what else... a thoughtfully active person.
I wonder where I'll be in life in ten years. Perhaps I won't be a curator, maybe I'll be teaching or writing books or working in an auction house...or lots of things. I would however, love to write a book about Rochas and hope to parlay my thesis into that. I spent the weekend not in the school library this weekend and it was very good for me. Granted, I didn't get so much work done, but I think being away from school and my classmates is good for my mental health. I tend to get kind of tense and anxious around my classmates. It's partly because it's the end of the semester and we have so much left to do and it's partly from me being to concerned about how my ideas and my work matches up to everyone's elses. It's just better if I don't know. While, it's great that I'm surrounded by smart people that are interested in my field, it's also very good for me to step back reflect on my own work and get away from all the comparison stuff and concentrate on me and I'd like to know my classmates on a level beyond just "What are you working on? Oh, geez you did all that, do I need to do that?" All that energy diverted away from doing what interests me, what a waste! Does anyone have any opnions about hanging out/being around classmates so much and the weird competition (usually conjured up by yourself) that sometimes arises?
So now if off to shower and then the NYPL, which beyond the annoyance of their book retrieving methods, I really enjoy being in because I'm there alone with all these other people hunched over doing their research and it's nice and quiet and kind of comforting.
Also, Hybrid Modernities: Architecture and Representation at the 1931 Colonial Exposition, Paris by Patricia Morton is interesting so far. I guess her point is that the architecture of the "native" villages and structures was the primary visual means through which colonial order was represented to the public. Being a budding fashion historian, I'm arguing that it happened through clothing that was influenced by the exposition, specifically Rochas. Fun stuff, I know, right?