Eternity

[mistearyusdiva2]

It was a bright day as the sun glowed at its highest point of the day , the heat radiating across the land below. The bright green , lush grass reflected the rays as did the water in the stream that ran across the field. A little further people were gathering , dressed in their favorite formal clothes - friends , families and some curious onlookers

Comments

[eternal_ot]

Amazing!!! I was rooting for her to run....good job!! well done!.. your best entry so far...:)..btw...loved the description throughout.

[mistearyusdiva2]

Hey .... thank u for the first comment too :) And thank u for being my eternal supporter :) Hugggsss

[itsjustc]

Wonderfully written! I was rooting for her to run too. So glad she did! :)

[mistearyusdiva2]

Thank u for reading and glad you could connect with the story. Many a times we take the drastic step when we are pushed hard to the wall ... and there is no way out but to break out.

[jem0000000]

I'm glad she got away -- hopefully she can find where she's supposed to be in life.

[mistearyusdiva2]

Thank u for reading ..... I am glad she did too .... on a subconscious level that's something I haven't done much of. As for her finding where she is supposed to be in life ... well there are a few ideas playing on in my head .... lets see where idol takes those ideas :)

[jem0000000]

You're welcome -- and I hope you find your own chances for freedom. :)

[mistearyusdiva2]

Doing my best ..... Its easy doing that in bits and pieces .... on some days more than others ... But being consistent with your wish for freedom .... that is a hell of lot more difficult than I ever imagined .... Yet I try to celebrate small victories for now :)

[faerie_spark]

Beautiful! Your descriptions are so detailed, whether of nature or people, you include the little bits that make your stories come alive.

I wonder: Is the rose petal a metaphor for Natalie's life? If so, I wonder if bringing the wind back in at the end of the story might tie it all together?

I wonder too if she should see her little sister gathered in the crowd. It seems to me like her sister is a symbol of innocence and possibility, and that maybe seeing her would give Natalie some strength to do what she really wants to do.

Also, I picture her speaking clearly, rather than mumbling, when she makes the statement that she can't go through with the marriage.

A quick note on vocabulary: The past tense of rewind is actually
rewound.

Your writing is really beautiful, and I love reading your ideas, and seeing you explore different genres. Thanks for being here and sharing your perspective.

[mistearyusdiva2]

Wow ... Thank u for the detailed feedback. I am thoroughly honoured. Yes ... the petal was a metaphor for Natalie's life. If you noticed initially the petal flew up and then down and as she let it go out of the window I pictured it moving upward from the downward ... so in a way I wanted to say that was how her life could be ..... moving upward if she chose to go that way. Yes I agree that bringing the wind back at the end would have made a better impact .... Will keep that in mind .... Thank you

[halfshellvenus]

I was a little confused by the change in POV here, from the little girl to Natalie-- who seemed to have both red hair and golden hair, too.

I am glad she ran at the end, though. That would have been a lifetime of misery, and given what we see of her mother here... it looks as if her mother never would have been please, no matter what Natalie did.

[mistearyusdiva2]

Oppps .... Natalie had fiery orange hair and it was her sister who had golden hair ... " The little girl gave the older one a quick kiss on her palm before hurrying out of the room , her golden hair tumbling up and down as she ran and almost knocked the lady entering the room. "

Did I make a slip anywhere else ???

Yes I am glad that she ran too ... it is difficult to please everyone and sometimes it makes sense to please yourself :)

Thank u for reading and echoing the sentiments of the character.