Another night of darkness and candle light
I will never be able to understand.
People have little appreciation for the things that matter.
I refuse to lose everything that I have worked so hard for.
Maybe this is how things are supposed to be?
Everyone has to give up at some point.. I have already done that, and I don't want to let go of what I now have.
Why must things become so complicated. The best days of my life never came. If this is supposivly the best time of my life, then life isn't as great as it can seem.
I have meet some of the most amazing people imaginable. I have got the best job any one could ask for, my friends are beautiful, and I am not doing half bad in life, but that emptyness only been filled once. The only thing that filled it was the drugs. So what happens now that I gave them up?
I told her almost everything. But her response wasn't what I had expected. This world is way more fucked up then she will ever see. She gets her kicks off reality shows and movies. The only place she has ever been is down.
I hate it here, and I hate it there. I am never truly comfortable. The feeling that a breakdown is heading my way will not leave.
I don't understand.
I feel stupid. Nothing makes sense, but then again, I don't know if it ever did. I could sit here forever. Waiting for time to pass. Hoping then that I could figure it out.
Daily I tell myself that I am doing everything that I can, that I am making the best out of myself. But I don't know how much longer I can lie to myself.
I often reflect upon my recent activities, my so called "behavior", and my "actions". I find that they aren't very positive. I ponder the thought of doing drugs again, just for the excitment, the thrill. It is disgusting that drugs sound so good, that I miss the feeling of thick, chalky pills sliding down my throat and burning my nose. I reminisne in the days of snorting oxy, morphine, muscle relaxers, just about anything and walking around. The lights were all a blur, and everyone around me didn't matter. Everything was invisible. All was numb.
People have little appreciation for the things that matter.
I refuse to lose everything that I have worked so hard for.
Maybe this is how things are supposed to be?
Everyone has to give up at some point.. I have already done that, and I don't want to let go of what I now have.
Why must things become so complicated. The best days of my life never came. If this is supposivly the best time of my life, then life isn't as great as it can seem.
I have meet some of the most amazing people imaginable. I have got the best job any one could ask for, my friends are beautiful, and I am not doing half bad in life, but that emptyness only been filled once. The only thing that filled it was the drugs. So what happens now that I gave them up?
I told her almost everything. But her response wasn't what I had expected. This world is way more fucked up then she will ever see. She gets her kicks off reality shows and movies. The only place she has ever been is down.
I hate it here, and I hate it there. I am never truly comfortable. The feeling that a breakdown is heading my way will not leave.
I don't understand.
I feel stupid. Nothing makes sense, but then again, I don't know if it ever did. I could sit here forever. Waiting for time to pass. Hoping then that I could figure it out.
Daily I tell myself that I am doing everything that I can, that I am making the best out of myself. But I don't know how much longer I can lie to myself.
I often reflect upon my recent activities, my so called "behavior", and my "actions". I find that they aren't very positive. I ponder the thought of doing drugs again, just for the excitment, the thrill. It is disgusting that drugs sound so good, that I miss the feeling of thick, chalky pills sliding down my throat and burning my nose. I reminisne in the days of snorting oxy, morphine, muscle relaxers, just about anything and walking around. The lights were all a blur, and everyone around me didn't matter. Everything was invisible. All was numb.