I still alive. A little. Don't worry, I'll fix that soon.
Hey, how ya doing? Me? I can’t sleep.
It's been a while. I never have time for myself any more and it's driving my insane. I go from being by myself 80% of the time to being alone 5% of the time. And that is usually work. But then again, when I'm not with Tabitha, I'm miss her so much. I want to hold her so close and all night, I love her so much. hm. Ok, lets to the topic thing again... shall we?
Work.
Work is an odd subject right now, I love the people, and enjoy the atmosphere. But the thought of staying there for the full time is sometimes madding. I also need more hours, and more money. Because I can't live on the money I'm making. So I've started looking for another job. I am going to try and get a job with Wayne at Resorts. After three months, I would get benefits. Plus I'll be getting paid more. I really like the idea of the benefits, I'm scared of something happening and I can't go to the doctor. And the more money would be great, because then I could save some money. So that when the Tracker messes up like it did, I can fix it with out asking for help.
El Trackero.
Last week the Tracker decided it didn't want to go any more. So it stopped starting left and right. And finally stopped starting all together at Speedway Friday morning. So I had to get a new Starter. $150 for it. Which I didn't have. Luckily my mother loves me enough to cover the charges for the time being. I owe her $145 still. With out her I would have been screwed because of my lack of money. But Now I gotta get a new Headlight. Fix the oil leak. Set the driver side window back on track. Replace the passenger side mirror. Replace the soft top. Fix the fan, so I can use it on lower settings. Once I have money, of coarse.
Home Life.
I have been feeling horrible to be home lately. Extreme feeling of not being wanted. Which I felt back at my parents place. Which, surprising to me the most, instead of being depressed and sad about it, I was pissed off. Mainly because if I ever need help from the housemates, I feel I'm not going to get it. Even though when they need me to run them to the doctor, or the pharmacy at early times in the morning I'm willing to. I hate feeling used, and not appreciated. Then they went and bought a dog. As if we need another burden that cost money... but I've grown to like the little thing. Pug half breed thing of doom. I think I'm just looking for more thing to feel upset about. But I feel Rick is giving me more attitude then I need to be getting. And I hate to put pressure on Emily but it happens. The other day Rick reformatted the computer, which sucked because I lost every thing I had been working on, but had to be done… Anywho, they way Rick set it up, made it where I couldn’t do ANYTHING. I couldn’t install pug-ins so I couldn’t view Flash files, or QuickTime, or listen to audio stuff. I couldn’t even use my Web editing stuff. Emily says that Rick did mean to do that, he didn’t know that it would do that. I doubt that. Any way, we had a round about talk, and Em and Rick set guide lines/rules what have you. At first I didn’t know how I felt about this, but now I feel that this is good. As long as we actually fallow this, and the hostility in the air subsides a bit.
Girlfriend.
Tabitha is great. Awesome. Wonderful. And noisy in bed, heh. She buys me gifts left and right and get me free tickets to shows that ticket major ass, and a part of me can’t help but feel bad for taking them. Mainly because I can’t get her anything thing. She says I’m enough. And that I’m wonderful. Which I find so hard to believe. I’ve never been good enough for any one, especially when it comes to relationships. Why else would I have such a hard time getting a girlfriend in the first place? Anywho, with Tabitha’s birthday coming up so soon, I want to do something special for her, but alas. I haven’t the money. This makes me very sad. I want to make her birthday the best day she’s had in a long time. And I want to do more then show up with a gift and flowers and say happy birthday. Hm.
Music.
Hey, I’m in a new band. I’m getting another Keyboard today, much thanks to Tabitha and her random gift getting. It’s Jason on Guitar, Adam on Drums, and I on keys of coarse. I am even going to sing a song or two. We still need a bassist. We are going to get together with other local band lead singers and make songs with them, in some instances we are even going to cover a song with them. Like with Dwight, of Statements Lost, we have a punk song we are working on and we want to cover a Bad Religion song. That’s two songs that he would do. And with me. We are going to cover Foreigner’s Juke Box Hero, and I’m going to sing. Awesome.
I guess that’s it.
Feels really good to get all that out. Hope I didn’t offend any body. I just needed to vent.
Ok, I’m going to try and sleep.
It's been a while. I never have time for myself any more and it's driving my insane. I go from being by myself 80% of the time to being alone 5% of the time. And that is usually work. But then again, when I'm not with Tabitha, I'm miss her so much. I want to hold her so close and all night, I love her so much. hm. Ok, lets to the topic thing again... shall we?
Work.
Work is an odd subject right now, I love the people, and enjoy the atmosphere. But the thought of staying there for the full time is sometimes madding. I also need more hours, and more money. Because I can't live on the money I'm making. So I've started looking for another job. I am going to try and get a job with Wayne at Resorts. After three months, I would get benefits. Plus I'll be getting paid more. I really like the idea of the benefits, I'm scared of something happening and I can't go to the doctor. And the more money would be great, because then I could save some money. So that when the Tracker messes up like it did, I can fix it with out asking for help.
El Trackero.
Last week the Tracker decided it didn't want to go any more. So it stopped starting left and right. And finally stopped starting all together at Speedway Friday morning. So I had to get a new Starter. $150 for it. Which I didn't have. Luckily my mother loves me enough to cover the charges for the time being. I owe her $145 still. With out her I would have been screwed because of my lack of money. But Now I gotta get a new Headlight. Fix the oil leak. Set the driver side window back on track. Replace the passenger side mirror. Replace the soft top. Fix the fan, so I can use it on lower settings. Once I have money, of coarse.
Home Life.
I have been feeling horrible to be home lately. Extreme feeling of not being wanted. Which I felt back at my parents place. Which, surprising to me the most, instead of being depressed and sad about it, I was pissed off. Mainly because if I ever need help from the housemates, I feel I'm not going to get it. Even though when they need me to run them to the doctor, or the pharmacy at early times in the morning I'm willing to. I hate feeling used, and not appreciated. Then they went and bought a dog. As if we need another burden that cost money... but I've grown to like the little thing. Pug half breed thing of doom. I think I'm just looking for more thing to feel upset about. But I feel Rick is giving me more attitude then I need to be getting. And I hate to put pressure on Emily but it happens. The other day Rick reformatted the computer, which sucked because I lost every thing I had been working on, but had to be done… Anywho, they way Rick set it up, made it where I couldn’t do ANYTHING. I couldn’t install pug-ins so I couldn’t view Flash files, or QuickTime, or listen to audio stuff. I couldn’t even use my Web editing stuff. Emily says that Rick did mean to do that, he didn’t know that it would do that. I doubt that. Any way, we had a round about talk, and Em and Rick set guide lines/rules what have you. At first I didn’t know how I felt about this, but now I feel that this is good. As long as we actually fallow this, and the hostility in the air subsides a bit.
Girlfriend.
Tabitha is great. Awesome. Wonderful. And noisy in bed, heh. She buys me gifts left and right and get me free tickets to shows that ticket major ass, and a part of me can’t help but feel bad for taking them. Mainly because I can’t get her anything thing. She says I’m enough. And that I’m wonderful. Which I find so hard to believe. I’ve never been good enough for any one, especially when it comes to relationships. Why else would I have such a hard time getting a girlfriend in the first place? Anywho, with Tabitha’s birthday coming up so soon, I want to do something special for her, but alas. I haven’t the money. This makes me very sad. I want to make her birthday the best day she’s had in a long time. And I want to do more then show up with a gift and flowers and say happy birthday. Hm.
Music.
Hey, I’m in a new band. I’m getting another Keyboard today, much thanks to Tabitha and her random gift getting. It’s Jason on Guitar, Adam on Drums, and I on keys of coarse. I am even going to sing a song or two. We still need a bassist. We are going to get together with other local band lead singers and make songs with them, in some instances we are even going to cover a song with them. Like with Dwight, of Statements Lost, we have a punk song we are working on and we want to cover a Bad Religion song. That’s two songs that he would do. And with me. We are going to cover Foreigner’s Juke Box Hero, and I’m going to sing. Awesome.
I guess that’s it.
Feels really good to get all that out. Hope I didn’t offend any body. I just needed to vent.
Ok, I’m going to try and sleep.