i feel like i'm taking crazy pills
so i don't really know what's going on here lately. i'm hoping this is just a karmic buildup to make me ready for a huge outpouring of awesomeness to come. this is going to be a particularly bitchy rant, but i'm in need of some venting, read this or nott, i don't really care, i'm just looking for some catharsis.
so before i get into it all i want to preface by saying that none of these things are all that bad, that through a little effort on my part, they all can be resolved or at least moved on from. it's just that i'm getting this weird vibe from it all, like in back to the future when marty can feel himself slipping away. i'm slowly dissapearing from a polaroid somewhere.
to begin with there's the issue of my cellphone. now, not sure who's been in the loop on this (as i've been more and more out of said loop), but two weeks ago, i was out with jose and his family on their boat. i had too much to drink and too much sun, and in the process of leaving, left my phone behind. since then a laundry list of inconveniences has kept me from getting it back. the boat is docked down in rockaway away from subway lines and me without a car can't really get there. also its docked in a locked boatyard, so even if i could get there, wouldn't do me much good. so i've had to rely on jose and his family to get it back. now it's been two weeks and despite mentioning it to him several times anytime i see him, i have yet to get the phone back. i'm currently balancing annoyance that a relatively simple task has yet to be completed and understanding that it's my fault that i left it there and that i can' blame them for that.
all that being said, i've been getting by without said phone, and things are ok. however, this friday i will need, and i mean need to have a cell phone connected to my number in my possesion. so the plan is, talk to jose about the realistic chance that i still won't get my phone back by then, and once confirmed, i will go get a new one. the crappy part is that it's gonna cost a decent amount to get a new one plus the fun of collecting phone numbers again (ps. please email your number to tbensear@yahoo.com to help the process if you feel like avoiding being hassled by me later on). i also need to check my phone bill when it comes to make sure my phone didn't get taken out of the boat and used until the battery ran out (small chance, but its something to think about, not to mention i've been feeling paranoid lately).
so there's that, on top of that, i haven't recieved my monthly metro card from work. its been deducted from my paychecks, and i've called to check that it was mailed (it was), so i have to talk to my landlord and see if he forgot to drop it off for me, or see if i've misplaced it somewhere. if nothing comes of that i can buy a new one and be re-imbursed but only after a nice trip through some red tape.
add on the fact that the rent's due. i know that's nothing to be upset about, but amidst my financial worries at the moment, seeing one whole paycheck go to rent doesn't help my disposition. also, i need to check my bank statements, cause it seems that my landlord hasn't cashed my check from april yet. i have enough in my account to cover a new phone purchase, an new metrocard (till im repaid) and two months rent, but it's gonna suck like ass to see it all go away in a flash. also add in to that the fact that on saturday the 6th, i gotta buy my ticket for 311 at jones beach in august.
aside from things turning up missing and money flying away from me, i'm also feeling rather isolated. i won't go into specifics, but all of a sudden i feel like i'm being ignored by people that, as of a few days ago, i was talking to regularly and things were fine. i can't think of anything i said or did that would merit such a sudden shift. even if i did do something of the like, don't i at least deserve to know what it was so i can try and avoid that in the future? now i acknowledge that this could all just be in my head. it's only been a few days, but i'm just taken aback by the sharp change. (and if you're confused by this, it's probably not you i'm talking about, but shoot me a line anyway, love to hear from people)
so add all that up and you have a ben that is feeling very helpless, powerless, and isolated. i hate having issues i need to deal with, but relying almost completely on other people to resolve them for me. not to mention i hate the fact that all of this has me feeling like im being taken advantage of by the people around me. i know that's not the case, but that voice in the back of my head is gaining credibility as things pile up. as per usual, a good deal of this could have been avoided had i been a little more "pro-active" i guess. i do have a tendency to avoid worrying and assure myself that things will work out in the end. i should have sucked it up and gotten a new phone earlier. i should have noticed my metro card's absence and taken action before my april one expired. i should be more on top of the day to day state of my bank account.
so that's my bitching. again, i'll make it through all this, no worries there. it's all part of learning how to deal with that little thing called life. i'll get past all this and know better next time. some lighter notes, if im wrong and my landlord did cash in on april then i have a decent amount of surplus in my bank account which will be nice. i've got the completion of this mysterious (and to the good handful of you i've spoken to about it, not so mysterious) project of mine coming this friday. after that point it will be out of my hands and i'll simply be awaiting a reaction. also on friday this year's adlab team from ithaca will be presenting downtown. i already got the afternoon off, so it should be a good time. next weekend (12-14) is msi craziness. i've got tickets to shows on thursday and friday. i'd heard things about ithaca people coming down for that, but no confirmed reports as of late. my plan is to scalp my ticket for thursday (just to get my money back) and enjoy the show on friday. if people are coming down, let me know, especially if you're factoring me in as a place to sleep.
so if all goes my way in about a week and a half to two weeks, i won't care about any of this anymore. i'll have a few new issues to resolve, but i'll be happy doing it. and the way things are shaping up now, they've gotta take a turn for the better soon. either way, feel free to shower me with reassuring compliments. i won't deny this entry screams "make me feel better." mostly though, i feel its better to type out my frustrations into something real than just muttering about them to myself.
alright, enough for now. i've got my to-do list. let's get to it.
so before i get into it all i want to preface by saying that none of these things are all that bad, that through a little effort on my part, they all can be resolved or at least moved on from. it's just that i'm getting this weird vibe from it all, like in back to the future when marty can feel himself slipping away. i'm slowly dissapearing from a polaroid somewhere.
to begin with there's the issue of my cellphone. now, not sure who's been in the loop on this (as i've been more and more out of said loop), but two weeks ago, i was out with jose and his family on their boat. i had too much to drink and too much sun, and in the process of leaving, left my phone behind. since then a laundry list of inconveniences has kept me from getting it back. the boat is docked down in rockaway away from subway lines and me without a car can't really get there. also its docked in a locked boatyard, so even if i could get there, wouldn't do me much good. so i've had to rely on jose and his family to get it back. now it's been two weeks and despite mentioning it to him several times anytime i see him, i have yet to get the phone back. i'm currently balancing annoyance that a relatively simple task has yet to be completed and understanding that it's my fault that i left it there and that i can' blame them for that.
all that being said, i've been getting by without said phone, and things are ok. however, this friday i will need, and i mean need to have a cell phone connected to my number in my possesion. so the plan is, talk to jose about the realistic chance that i still won't get my phone back by then, and once confirmed, i will go get a new one. the crappy part is that it's gonna cost a decent amount to get a new one plus the fun of collecting phone numbers again (ps. please email your number to tbensear@yahoo.com to help the process if you feel like avoiding being hassled by me later on). i also need to check my phone bill when it comes to make sure my phone didn't get taken out of the boat and used until the battery ran out (small chance, but its something to think about, not to mention i've been feeling paranoid lately).
so there's that, on top of that, i haven't recieved my monthly metro card from work. its been deducted from my paychecks, and i've called to check that it was mailed (it was), so i have to talk to my landlord and see if he forgot to drop it off for me, or see if i've misplaced it somewhere. if nothing comes of that i can buy a new one and be re-imbursed but only after a nice trip through some red tape.
add on the fact that the rent's due. i know that's nothing to be upset about, but amidst my financial worries at the moment, seeing one whole paycheck go to rent doesn't help my disposition. also, i need to check my bank statements, cause it seems that my landlord hasn't cashed my check from april yet. i have enough in my account to cover a new phone purchase, an new metrocard (till im repaid) and two months rent, but it's gonna suck like ass to see it all go away in a flash. also add in to that the fact that on saturday the 6th, i gotta buy my ticket for 311 at jones beach in august.
aside from things turning up missing and money flying away from me, i'm also feeling rather isolated. i won't go into specifics, but all of a sudden i feel like i'm being ignored by people that, as of a few days ago, i was talking to regularly and things were fine. i can't think of anything i said or did that would merit such a sudden shift. even if i did do something of the like, don't i at least deserve to know what it was so i can try and avoid that in the future? now i acknowledge that this could all just be in my head. it's only been a few days, but i'm just taken aback by the sharp change. (and if you're confused by this, it's probably not you i'm talking about, but shoot me a line anyway, love to hear from people)
so add all that up and you have a ben that is feeling very helpless, powerless, and isolated. i hate having issues i need to deal with, but relying almost completely on other people to resolve them for me. not to mention i hate the fact that all of this has me feeling like im being taken advantage of by the people around me. i know that's not the case, but that voice in the back of my head is gaining credibility as things pile up. as per usual, a good deal of this could have been avoided had i been a little more "pro-active" i guess. i do have a tendency to avoid worrying and assure myself that things will work out in the end. i should have sucked it up and gotten a new phone earlier. i should have noticed my metro card's absence and taken action before my april one expired. i should be more on top of the day to day state of my bank account.
so that's my bitching. again, i'll make it through all this, no worries there. it's all part of learning how to deal with that little thing called life. i'll get past all this and know better next time. some lighter notes, if im wrong and my landlord did cash in on april then i have a decent amount of surplus in my bank account which will be nice. i've got the completion of this mysterious (and to the good handful of you i've spoken to about it, not so mysterious) project of mine coming this friday. after that point it will be out of my hands and i'll simply be awaiting a reaction. also on friday this year's adlab team from ithaca will be presenting downtown. i already got the afternoon off, so it should be a good time. next weekend (12-14) is msi craziness. i've got tickets to shows on thursday and friday. i'd heard things about ithaca people coming down for that, but no confirmed reports as of late. my plan is to scalp my ticket for thursday (just to get my money back) and enjoy the show on friday. if people are coming down, let me know, especially if you're factoring me in as a place to sleep.
so if all goes my way in about a week and a half to two weeks, i won't care about any of this anymore. i'll have a few new issues to resolve, but i'll be happy doing it. and the way things are shaping up now, they've gotta take a turn for the better soon. either way, feel free to shower me with reassuring compliments. i won't deny this entry screams "make me feel better." mostly though, i feel its better to type out my frustrations into something real than just muttering about them to myself.
alright, enough for now. i've got my to-do list. let's get to it.