nobody knows the trouble i see
this last week sucked. it was a bunch of shitty makeup work for me. this weekend didnt provide any relief either. i had to do a history project over midway. nonetheless, it is, how shall i say, neat-o. im getting sick of school and over something else, which brings me to the real purpose of this update, partially inspired by my friend damien.
ya know whats scary? really fuckin scary? gettin old. yea, gettin old means havin to do more stuff you dont want to do. it also means watching your friends get older too. watching them get older and do stupid stuff that you know they shouldnt do, but not be able to do anything about it. i want to talk to them but i dont know how. im 17 for christ sake. i have absolutely zero training as a friggin counselor let alone enough courage to confront someone on the brink of a horribly bad, regrettable decision. every day my naiveness of someones appearingly angelic shroud is stained forever by the bleeding heart of human wickedness and deceit. they slip by slowly but surely as i am left to watch on the sidelines in despair. i dont know what i am to do. is it fate to be left alone or can i help steer someone, someone i truly care about, back on the right path? it deeply pains me to see someone i know is good go awry. if it hurts so bad just to see this happen with friends, i dont want to know what it feels like to have the same happen to my children. ive felt more and more alone and dejected in the past 2 days. i struggle over what to do. i feel as if no one else has ever been in my position (although i know it false, but this is true -> ) and if they have been, they havent greeted it with the same passionate angst as i have. i hope to find the answer i seek soon.
now wasnt that depressing. goodnight.
ya know whats scary? really fuckin scary? gettin old. yea, gettin old means havin to do more stuff you dont want to do. it also means watching your friends get older too. watching them get older and do stupid stuff that you know they shouldnt do, but not be able to do anything about it. i want to talk to them but i dont know how. im 17 for christ sake. i have absolutely zero training as a friggin counselor let alone enough courage to confront someone on the brink of a horribly bad, regrettable decision. every day my naiveness of someones appearingly angelic shroud is stained forever by the bleeding heart of human wickedness and deceit. they slip by slowly but surely as i am left to watch on the sidelines in despair. i dont know what i am to do. is it fate to be left alone or can i help steer someone, someone i truly care about, back on the right path? it deeply pains me to see someone i know is good go awry. if it hurts so bad just to see this happen with friends, i dont want to know what it feels like to have the same happen to my children. ive felt more and more alone and dejected in the past 2 days. i struggle over what to do. i feel as if no one else has ever been in my position (although i know it false, but this is true -> ) and if they have been, they havent greeted it with the same passionate angst as i have. i hope to find the answer i seek soon.
now wasnt that depressing. goodnight.