Is this an update????
its weird, my girlfriend is in holland with her family! I miss her oh soo much! it weird, i normally talk to her every night, and now iam not gunna be able to for the next 5 or 6 nights. but the trade off is when she gets back, i am moving in! so i will be able to talk to her every single night of the week!. so yea! i miss her soo much, this will be the longest time we have ever spent apart since we got together way back in december!
so yea! anyway, i have to do the externship for my school in order to graduate on time! its funky. i do but i dont! but there is a slight chance of me not getting hired wherever i do my externship at. so that kinda suck!
so yea! i have to pack, get ready to move and work on my finals all before the 4th of july! oh the joy!
I was talking to a really good friend of mine, and she told me that everything happens for a reason. which i know, but really it does! yea know if i have never opted to go home from hawaii, i would have never gone to different place, and met different people, and maybe if that never happend i would have never met my fiance! ummmm, it weird how things work out!
yesterday after lindsay left for the airport, i hung out with eric and we had a blast, going downtown, saturday markert, rock bottom bewery, hang out having a good time, then going home and watching HSN. i will always remember WOLFGANG PUCK! as he eats everything in sight!ha ha ha... YUMMM!
Everything is now become so real to me, my love, is so unreal, that sometimes i have to pinch my self, to feel that is real. I thought i would be the one that would die alone, cold, with a million and one cats to eat me alive, or alone in the woods with a wild pack of wolves. and I know i have someone to feel with to play with.
some people go on seaching for something that is right in their presents the whole time. and that was me. I was searching for a love in people and places and things that i knew would not give me the some affection. i knew that all these things would be bad for my health. or better yet, hinder me from finding what is REAL! all of this pain, and hurts exshausted me every single day. it left me out of the loop of hope and goodness, i only believed that it happend to people not like me, people in movies and really really pretty people, ( which i never thought i was)
in such a few short months i am able to feel somthing that i have waited to feel in sooo long,Peace with myself. not so much love for myself, right now is peace. something that has followed me like a rain cloud. something i thought i could only capture in my dreams. Maybe it was all the medication i was on, or the people who i have loved in my life that utterly always disappoint me. but there is something about these moments when i relect on that seem so siren, so peaceful, so non stressful.
its like one day i woke up, and everything started to look bright, and Pink( my favorite color lol) there are always minor set backs, but in the end, i end up with good results.
its amazing what a few night of not medication yourself to sleep will do. I am not saying that i medicate myself to sleep all the time, but you get my story.Its nice to know that even i, can achieve hope, in a world of chaos in my head.
so yea! anyway, i have to do the externship for my school in order to graduate on time! its funky. i do but i dont! but there is a slight chance of me not getting hired wherever i do my externship at. so that kinda suck!
so yea! i have to pack, get ready to move and work on my finals all before the 4th of july! oh the joy!
I was talking to a really good friend of mine, and she told me that everything happens for a reason. which i know, but really it does! yea know if i have never opted to go home from hawaii, i would have never gone to different place, and met different people, and maybe if that never happend i would have never met my fiance! ummmm, it weird how things work out!
yesterday after lindsay left for the airport, i hung out with eric and we had a blast, going downtown, saturday markert, rock bottom bewery, hang out having a good time, then going home and watching HSN. i will always remember WOLFGANG PUCK! as he eats everything in sight!ha ha ha... YUMMM!
Everything is now become so real to me, my love, is so unreal, that sometimes i have to pinch my self, to feel that is real. I thought i would be the one that would die alone, cold, with a million and one cats to eat me alive, or alone in the woods with a wild pack of wolves. and I know i have someone to feel with to play with.
some people go on seaching for something that is right in their presents the whole time. and that was me. I was searching for a love in people and places and things that i knew would not give me the some affection. i knew that all these things would be bad for my health. or better yet, hinder me from finding what is REAL! all of this pain, and hurts exshausted me every single day. it left me out of the loop of hope and goodness, i only believed that it happend to people not like me, people in movies and really really pretty people, ( which i never thought i was)
in such a few short months i am able to feel somthing that i have waited to feel in sooo long,Peace with myself. not so much love for myself, right now is peace. something that has followed me like a rain cloud. something i thought i could only capture in my dreams. Maybe it was all the medication i was on, or the people who i have loved in my life that utterly always disappoint me. but there is something about these moments when i relect on that seem so siren, so peaceful, so non stressful.
its like one day i woke up, and everything started to look bright, and Pink( my favorite color lol) there are always minor set backs, but in the end, i end up with good results.
its amazing what a few night of not medication yourself to sleep will do. I am not saying that i medicate myself to sleep all the time, but you get my story.Its nice to know that even i, can achieve hope, in a world of chaos in my head.