Earthquakes (3/?)
Title: Earthquakes
Author: Missyrivera
Pairing: Lea Michele/Dianna Agron
Wordcount: 3018
Rating: Pg13 (for now)- just a couple of swear words
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
Plot: Based on Lea's tweet about the earthquake. Ps. There may be some spoilers from the show. So, just to be safe, anything that has aired is fair game.
A/N: Well, all I can say is I'm so sorry. I've totally forgotten that I had this until someone commented on the story. So, I sat myself down, ignored all my homework as per usual, and wrote a chapter.
Any kind of feedback is greatly appreciated.
Again, sorry. I'm not going to make promises that I will have the next chapter up soon because I have finals and I can hardly push myself to sit down and write. I've been lacking inspiration and motivation lately. So, here you go and enjoy, hopefully!
Also, no beta. All mistakes are mine.
"Come in with me. Stay." Dianna pleaded. She could hear herself in the silence of the evening, so desperate and pathetic but she couldn’t help it. The words spilled out, trying to fill and ease the gaping ache she felt in her chest. The one that no amount of alcohol could relieve, though damned if she hadn’t tried.
She had never felt so drunk before. Her temples buzzed and her mouth felt sticky. Her body felt weightless but she felt so inept and clumsy.
"That’s not a good idea, Di." Mark whispered as he tried to keep the girl upright, leaning her against the wall beside the main door. He wrestled the keys out of her sweaty warm hands so he could get the door open.
"Why noooottt??" The most painful part of being this kind of drunk was that she realized how childlike she sounded but she had no ounce of shame at this point.
"Hmm, lemme think. Because you’re shit drunk and you’d kill me in the morning. And also, worse than that, Lea would kill me." Mark replied.
At the mention of Lea, Dianna narrowed her eyes," She doesn’t care what I do. Who I do. She’s with Theo and she’s fucking head over heels for the man who’s obviously gay. Obvious to everyone but her, it seems. Besides, I’m an adult and adults engage in… What did Mr. Shuester say?… OH, oh! The intricacies of adult relationships!"
Mark laughed," Ugh, you’re so going to regret saying all this crap in the morning. Come on, let’s get you to bed."
It took approximately 20 minutes to get Dianna from the front door to her bedroom. Mark had to manoeuvre them through the obstacle that was the living room and had to stop Dianna from stumbling over to the kitchen because she wanted to pour cereal from the box into her mouth.
They were at Dianna’s bedroom door when they both heard the creak of a door being opened. Lea stepped out of her room and silently closed the door behind her. She was in her favourite pale grey bathrobe, extremely awake-looking, and her hair was deliciously messy. Dianna frowned at that.
"What’s going on?" she murmured as she looked at the pair.
"Sorry, I was trying to get her to her room quietly but she had one too many y’know…" he made the gesture of knocking back drinks with his right hand while his left arm remained around Dianna’s waist to steady her.
"Oh, I see. I’ll take it from here Mark. Thanks for bringing her home safely. You can head home. Please drive safe?" Lea said quietly, already making a move to hold Dianna.
"Actually, Mark is spending the night. With me." Dianna piped up, her grip on my Mark tightening while she simultaneously moved away from Lea‘s reaching hands. There were too many risks involved if she felt Lea touch her right now.
No one was more surprised at the outburst than Dianna. Had she meant to say that? Yes, she did. She wanted Lea to know that was capable of being with someone else. She’s not the girl pining over some unrequited love. She’s the girl who got blitzed and looked at who else was in line, just to feel better for just one moment.
"Honey, Mark has to go home now. He’s--" Lea started.
"Please. Don’t talk to me like a child." Dianna interrupted, internally wincing at the word please. Couldn’t she be more like Quinn right now? Couldn’t she be a little bit more bitchy and not add her ‘please’ and ‘thank yous"?
"Di, I’m not. I’m just thinking that you’re really drunk and I want to take care of you. Mark has to be on set early in the morning and--"
"I don’t need you to take care of me. And Mark can make his own decisions as to whether or not he wants to spend the night. Besides, you’re boyfriend is probably waiting in bed for you."
"What-- What the hell is going on? Why are you acting like this?" Lea asked, her arms dropping to her sides.
"Acting like what? Honest? Tell me if there is anything in what I just said that was false. I don’t need you to take care of me. Mark is an adult who can make his own decisions. And you do have a boyfriend in bed waiting for you."
Mark stood there awkwardly as he watched the two talk. Talk? Argue?
"Dianna, I just want to make sure you’re okay." Lea whispered.
"Mark can do that just fine." Dianna whispered back as she pushed her bedroom door open and pulled Mark in with her, closing and locking the door while Lea stood outside, dumbfounded.
----*----*----*----
"Dianna, I can’t stay." Mark said as he stood in her room. Dianna’s back was to him and she started to unzip and pull her pants off. Mark turned around, willing his hormones to stay in check. He felt slim arms wrap around his waist from behind and he knew that she was only wearing her bra and panties. He sighed and turned around, wrapping his arms around her.
"What’s this about, Di?" he whispered into her hair.
"I just… I want to forget."
"Forget what?"
He heard a garbled noise as Dianna pressed her face into his chest.
"What was that?" Mark asked again.
"I want to forget… forget how she makes me feel." Dianna whispered quietly.
Mark wasn’t stupid. He knew who "she" was. He knew he didn’t talk much on set and in interviews, really. Sitting there quietly as other cast members answered questions allowed him to observe the group dynamics much more closely. He hasn’t missed the longing glances from Dianna to Lea, how sometimes the girl would stare quite obviously at Lea’s breasts and the perpetual touching. He couldn’t forget the touching.
He ushered her to her bed and sat beside her, his right arm around her shoulders as the blonde leaned into him, hands holding.
"You know that being with me won’t make it go away, right? I know you’re drunk but there’s still the rational Dianna in there somewhere."
"Actually, I think the alcohol has been used up from the conversation with her out there. I feel… stupid." Dianna sighed.
"How long have you liked Lea?" Mark asked.
"Long. Too fucking long. I feel like I’m going mad."
"We’re all mad here." Mark said and they both chuckled. "You always tell me that."
"Ugh, Mark. Why can’t I just fall in love with someone like you? I mean, you quote my favourite things and we like the same songs. It would be so easy."
"You’re in love with her?"
Dianna nodded and she felt the all too familiar sting begin behind her eyes as tears tried to charge forward and make their journey across her cheeks.
"Can you please stay tonight? We’re not going to do anything. I just want to cuddle."
Mark couldn’t say no to her. Here she was, tear-stained cheeks and underwear, asking to cuddle. So he agreed. She pulled back the covers and got inside and waited as Mark took his jacket off. They settled into each other. Mark fell asleep immediately but Dianna stared into the darkness for a long while before sleep claimed her.
----*----*----*----
Lea felt the door slam shut on her more than she saw it. She stood for minutes that felt like hours, replaying the conversation over and over again in her head, trying to see it from where Dianna stood. She had never pushed Lea away like that. Even when she was drunk, it was the opposite. She was overly touchy and affectionate and some part of Lea loved that. She loved being able to touch Dianna and have Dianna touch her and sometimes (a lot of times), she felt like she wanted to do more. But this change of expectations threw her. And she didn’t know what to do.
She didn’t realize until she had gone to the kitchen to make herself some tea how badly her heart was beating and how much she was shaking. She couldn’t possibly go to sleep. She hadn’t been sleeping any way before Dianna came home with Mark. She had been laying awake in her bed, beside Theo who was snoring, and wondering where Dianna was. And the more she thought about it, the more she became angry. Dianna had been so moody all day and now this, pushing her away, hurting her.
She thought back to the morning after the earthquake and how extremely comfortable she had felt waking up tangled with Dianna. She had had her eyes closed and had buried her face in the sleeping blonde’s neck, inhaling deeply. A flood of warmth doused her body and she felt something tighten in her belly and the strongest urge to lick Dianna’s neck gripped her. And just as quickly, she was filled with something that resembled guilt but was closer to something like sadness, because she understood the impossibility of the situation. And as fast as she could, before she changed her mind or before she gave into her impulses, she untangled herself, got ready for work and left, no note.
Lea had grown up in a household that encouraged confidence and she had entertained the idea of being with a woman since she was in her early teens but was, for the most part, attracted to boys. And so she had boyfriends, a few of them actually. Everyone assumed her heterosexuality but knew she had a love for gay boys. No one really saw her as ever having any desire for the same sex. Of course, there were some girls she was attracted to, but none that she outwardly pursued. They were fleeting fantasies to keep her company during nights when she was alone or when Theo didn’t satisfy her.
Feeling that way with Dianna had shocked her. A lot. Because she wasn’t one to lie; she’s noticed how beautiful Dianna is, how intelligent and how fucking interesting she was. She didn’t know anyone else who wanted an octopus, anyone who loved going to cemeteries and crypts. She hated to use the cliché phrase of being like a snowflake, one of a kind. But she honestly was. And sure, she’s appreciated how amazing the girl’s bum looked in jeans but the feeling that came over her that morning was stronger than anything else she had ever felt for those fleeting fantasies or for Theo. And that was a problem. One she wasn’t ready to face. So, she left. And now, here she was, waiting for Mark to come out of Dianna’s room, say goodbye and head on home.
Lea sat at the kitchen table, drinking her tea and waiting. Mark didn’t come out after 30 minutes. Or an hour. Her stomach began to turn in on itself and she felt queasy. She headed to bed after another 10 minutes, deciding against banging on Dianna’s bedroom door and asking Mark to get the fuck out.
----*----*----*----
The next morning…
Dianna woke up that morning with undoubtedly one of the worst hangovers of her life. Mark was beside the bed putting on his jacket, getting ready to head out.
"Oh god fuck, my head hurts…" she groaned, pressing her face against her pillows.
"Watch your language, young lady. Since when do you swear so much?" Mark laughed.
"Since, I realized I am 24 years old and decided to shed my good girl image." Dianna’s voice dripped with sarcasm which quickly descended to another agonized groan. "Seriously, my head hurts so much."
"I know. That’s what you get for mixing Johnnie Walker with 151. Got you a glass of water and aspirin right there on your beside table."
"Thanks, Mark."
"I know it may be a little too early for this but you ready to face her this morning? Last night kind of got heated between you two. I’m sure she wants to know what’s going on."
"Ugh. Do I really have to?" Dianna asked, her drunken conversation with Lea still fresh in her mind.
"Yep. That’s also what you get when you’re 24 years old. Gotta deal with shit you don’t wanna deal with."
"Spoken like someone who’s had to deal with a lot of shit." Dianna said as she sat up and popped two aspirins in her mouth and downed the water.
"You know it." Mark said as he bent down to kiss her on the forehead before heading for the door.
"Let’s hope she doesn’t chew me out for not leaving last night. She probably thought something happened between us."
"Well, it really wouldn’t be any of her business if something did happen, would it?" Dianna asked bitterly.
"Just talk to her, Di."
"Maybe."
"I’ll see you at work later, party girl." He winked at her as she gave him the middle finger. He exited and closed the door behind him.
A few seconds later, she could make out the sounds of muffled conversation. Lea was probably asking him what the hell happened last night. She could hear Mark’s low voice and then footsteps, the front door opening and closing.
There was a few minutes of silence and then a knock at her door. It opened just a touch and Lea poked her head in. When she saw that Dianna was sitting up on her bed, looking at her, she let herself in, closed the door and leaned against it.
"Hi."
"Hey."
"I know you don’t want to do this now but… can we talk?" Lea asked, uncharacteristically shy.
"Lea, I’ve got a throbbing headache. I’m really not in the mood to talk." Dianna said, leaning against her headboard and closing her eyes. She hated how bitchy she sounded. She was fully expecting Lea to say "fine" and storm off but she felt the bed shift beside her. She cracked her eyes open and saw Lea climbing into her bed.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like? Scoot down and lean forward for a second, please."
"What? Why?"
"Just do it."
Confused, Dianna did as she was told. This was certainly not how she imagined this happening. Lea settled down behind her and was now leaning against the headboard. She spread her legs, grabbed a pillow, placed it between her legs and gently patted it. Dianna leaned back so that she was comfortably settled between Lea’s legs, a fluffy pillow between them.
" Really? After last night, you’re doing this for me?" Dianna asked as Lea gently combed through blonde tresses with her fingers.
"I didn’t get a chance to take care of you. I don’t know. I just… I know you must feel nauseated right now and this always calms you down."
"You’re too nice to me, you know that? Everyone says I’m the kind and quiet one but… I think you are. Well, maybe not quiet but you know…" Dianna whispered, falling under the comforting touch.
Lea laughed softly," Can I ask you something?"
Dianna didn’t say anything and just waited for her question.
"Why did you say those things last night?" Lea asked, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice.
Silence. Two beats of silence.
"I don’t know. I was… feeling… strange."
"You’ve never said those things to me before, even when you were drunk. Usually, you’re so bubbly and … freaking adorable. It looked like you didn’t even want me to touch you."
"I didn’t want you to touch me." Dianna replied. The fingers in her hair stopped moving but they remained where they were." I didn’t want you to touch me because I feel… like if you did, I would do something I’d regret."
"Like what?"
"Something not nice. Something you wouldn’t like."
"Would you have hurt me?" There was that hurt again.
"Physically, no. In other ways, I would have. And I didn‘t want to hurt you. But I feel like I did anyway. I hurt you, didn‘t I?"
"Yes." The fingers began to move again, slowly massaging her scalp. " But you were drunk. And sometimes, we hurt people when we’re drunk."
Dianna didn’t have much to say to that and she felt those damn stings behind her eyes again. She wished she could just blink and take them back. Take the entirety of last night back. Fortunately, the tears didn’t show up but she was sure her eyes were red. She took one of Lea’s hands from her hair and clasped it between her own and brought it to her lips. She kissed them, gently.
"I’m sorry." Dianna whispered into her hand.
"It’s okay, Di. Really." Lea tried to soothe her best friend, kissing her forehead softly. "I know you didn’t mean anything by it."
Dianna shook her head.
"I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. Please, just say it. Maybe it’ll make you feel better?" Lea asked.
Dianna shook her head again.
"It would ruin us." Dianna said.
"It wouldn’t. You know it wouldn’t. We’re best friends. I love you. Even Theo loves you."
And the sound of his name and the words "best friends", Dianna felt herself wake up in the most painful of ways. And she didn’t want to say what she was about to say, what she hadn’t planned on saying but the reality of the situation meant heartbreak. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable. And when something is sinking, you want to salvage anything you could and keep the important things safe, even if you had to wait in the freezing water for a while as your legs or your fingers or your heart turned blue in the cold.
"Why are you so good to me?" Dianna wondered out loud, her lips still lightly ghosting across Lea’s hand.
"Because you’re you." Lea replied automatically and Dianna smiled a sad little smile.
A few moments of silence passed. Caresses of silky hair measured its passage and thumbs grazing across a soft hand filled it.
"Lea?"
"Hhm?"
"I think … I think I need to find a new apartment."