"The girl who had two friends"
Forgive the copy and paste (for the kiddies who remember...), but I thought it was amusing.
Back by popular demand and unpopular request...
"The girl who had two friends"
By Monica
15th March 2005
(for Emma)
Enjoy.
"The girl who had two friends"
This is the story of the girl who had two friends.
She was sick, and still she was forced to walk home in the rain.
She had a debilitating mental illness, and still she always held the door open for small animals.
She had only one leg, and still she spent hours and hours playing hopscotch with the local orphans.
She wore a beige trenchcoat, and liked to pretend her name was Purple Monkey Dishwasher... well, that was her code name. Her real spy name was Reba Reba McDeacon.
She was inebriated, and still she could say the alphabet backwards.
She had a patch over one eye, but she could sooo see.
I knew her game.
She married a man who threw knives.
And during work hours, he was a boat maker, specialising in amphibious crafts.
He had the body of a god.
Admittedly, it was the body of Kettle, the ancient Roman god of "Honey Baked Ham" flavoured morsels. (Mmmm... Honey Baked Ham.)
But damn, that man could open a jar of gherkins.
I could watch him for hours.
No really, I could.
I had a great little hut built in the tree outside the window of their 24th floor apartment.
Ahhh. I'd still be there now had I not fallen out.
That was when they noticed I was not actually the grossly mutated Wedgetail Eagle I had been posing as.
It wasn't the flurry of feathers, the tortured screams for help, the disturbing thud upon impact.
No, they only found out cause I landed on the dog walker of their beloved pet Chihuahua, Her Majesty, The Beloved Empress Kiki von Hoouts Esq. III. (HMTBEKvHEIII for short - let me tell u, it got very confusing with all those initials flying around.)
And thus, HMTB- dammit, the freaking dog - was late for her weekly "paws 'n' claws"... a buff and polish, sometimes with a wax thrown in for good measure.
Sometimes, I sneak around my house wearing a bowler hat and long trousers and like to pretend I'm Charlie Chaplin. This is crucial to the plot.
I eat Special K poured from the bottom of the box, so then its even MORE special.
The girl used to think that was funny.
Honestly, how did she buy into the whole talking, cereal eating, feather boa-wearing, Wedgetail Eagle in the sombrero with a thick Dutch accent?
I'll tell why.
Cause she was a hippie! Damn straight! No, no, I'm sorry - she WAS hippy. Yes. Huge hips, this woman.
Poor dear.
Well hip really, she only had one leg.
She fed me sultanas, assorted cheeses and Kransky sausages. It was rather a strange pudding I'll concur, but I simply enjoyed the pleasure of her company.
Then she got a budgie named Sniffles. Well he doesnt anymore! ;p
No, the antibiotics fixed him right up.
Honestly, an eagle with a prescription pad and stethoscope?
Well we WERE high.
24 floors, to be exact.
And thus ends the story of the girl who had two friends. I still don't know who they are.
(This started as a story about me, having only 2 people on my "friends" list as yet. I am sick and did walk home in the rain... all the other truths are blatantly obvious, so I'll leave you to work them out for themselves. Ie. my "special" Special K obsession... what? It tastes better! GAH! See how my brain works (or doesn't)??!!)
Hola hombres,(muchos gratis por nada, muchachos!!)
Senorita El Nachopants
aka The Girl With The White Sand Shoe
aka "Romadillo" *wink wink nudge nudge knock three times then whisper sweetly - your package is under the mat - the red pig is in the meadow washing up, repeat, the melon has exploded in the sitting room and now we need the bulk buy Ajax and a scrubbing brush... wink wink*
aka Monica
aka Mrs. Gladys Quatt
xx
Back by popular demand and unpopular request...
"The girl who had two friends"
By Monica
15th March 2005
(for Emma)
Enjoy.
"The girl who had two friends"
This is the story of the girl who had two friends.
She was sick, and still she was forced to walk home in the rain.
She had a debilitating mental illness, and still she always held the door open for small animals.
She had only one leg, and still she spent hours and hours playing hopscotch with the local orphans.
She wore a beige trenchcoat, and liked to pretend her name was Purple Monkey Dishwasher... well, that was her code name. Her real spy name was Reba Reba McDeacon.
She was inebriated, and still she could say the alphabet backwards.
She had a patch over one eye, but she could sooo see.
I knew her game.
She married a man who threw knives.
And during work hours, he was a boat maker, specialising in amphibious crafts.
He had the body of a god.
Admittedly, it was the body of Kettle, the ancient Roman god of "Honey Baked Ham" flavoured morsels. (Mmmm... Honey Baked Ham.)
But damn, that man could open a jar of gherkins.
I could watch him for hours.
No really, I could.
I had a great little hut built in the tree outside the window of their 24th floor apartment.
Ahhh. I'd still be there now had I not fallen out.
That was when they noticed I was not actually the grossly mutated Wedgetail Eagle I had been posing as.
It wasn't the flurry of feathers, the tortured screams for help, the disturbing thud upon impact.
No, they only found out cause I landed on the dog walker of their beloved pet Chihuahua, Her Majesty, The Beloved Empress Kiki von Hoouts Esq. III. (HMTBEKvHEIII for short - let me tell u, it got very confusing with all those initials flying around.)
And thus, HMTB- dammit, the freaking dog - was late for her weekly "paws 'n' claws"... a buff and polish, sometimes with a wax thrown in for good measure.
Sometimes, I sneak around my house wearing a bowler hat and long trousers and like to pretend I'm Charlie Chaplin. This is crucial to the plot.
I eat Special K poured from the bottom of the box, so then its even MORE special.
The girl used to think that was funny.
Honestly, how did she buy into the whole talking, cereal eating, feather boa-wearing, Wedgetail Eagle in the sombrero with a thick Dutch accent?
I'll tell why.
Cause she was a hippie! Damn straight! No, no, I'm sorry - she WAS hippy. Yes. Huge hips, this woman.
Poor dear.
Well hip really, she only had one leg.
She fed me sultanas, assorted cheeses and Kransky sausages. It was rather a strange pudding I'll concur, but I simply enjoyed the pleasure of her company.
Then she got a budgie named Sniffles. Well he doesnt anymore! ;p
No, the antibiotics fixed him right up.
Honestly, an eagle with a prescription pad and stethoscope?
Well we WERE high.
24 floors, to be exact.
And thus ends the story of the girl who had two friends. I still don't know who they are.
(This started as a story about me, having only 2 people on my "friends" list as yet. I am sick and did walk home in the rain... all the other truths are blatantly obvious, so I'll leave you to work them out for themselves. Ie. my "special" Special K obsession... what? It tastes better! GAH! See how my brain works (or doesn't)??!!)
Hola hombres,(muchos gratis por nada, muchachos!!)
Senorita El Nachopants
aka The Girl With The White Sand Shoe
aka "Romadillo" *wink wink nudge nudge knock three times then whisper sweetly - your package is under the mat - the red pig is in the meadow washing up, repeat, the melon has exploded in the sitting room and now we need the bulk buy Ajax and a scrubbing brush... wink wink*
aka Monica
aka Mrs. Gladys Quatt
xx