Why?
I've been having a really hard time lately. One of my best friends committed suicide a few weeks ago. I've been trying really hard to get out and be with our close group of friends, but everything reminds me that he's not there. I think I see him out of the corner of my eye all the time, or in a crowd of people, and I can't deal with it. Subsequently I've been secluding myself in work and books.
What really gets me is the last conversation we had. He was talking about how he's been developing this theory of God and physical health, and at the time I thought it sounded pretty crazy. But the thing is that Ryan was the kind of guy who was always coming up with crazy ideas, but he actually went through with them. The psychologist in me also thought it was bad for him to be spending so much time on such introspective pursuits, but he always seemed so happy and upbeat. I can't take that I was *thinking* that something seemed off with him and that I didn't say anything. I don't blame myself for this, but at the same time I regret not saying anything. God, this is so hard. Why why why why, Ryan?