Everyone wears red for christmas

[missygoddess]

So, i'm at work. things here are slow which is nice because i'm not used to the new systems yet. I'm catching on very quickly so far. haven't run into problems or anything. Grandma is coming today. going to aunt mary's for dinner with the family. It's been a few years now since we have ALL sat down to dinner. I get to explain to g-ma that i am not married or pregnant. she thinks i should be both. We all start out young in this family. Cept for me. she gets on my nerves sometimes. i'm not sure i'm happy to see her. I feel bad for feeling that way. But she is always insulting me and making me feel bad that i'm not what she wants. but i'm ok with myself. Maybe not so much my situation. Christmas sucks so fucking bad this year. This has by far been the worst year in my entire life. it's so easy gauge really. I mean all the shit i've been through and all the other years were much better.

Last night confusion just got worse. not even gonna post it here. Not worth it. I was strong. I did not go out.. i needed sleep for work in the morning.

"i'm in love and always will be"