(no subject)
so yeah. hi lj. havn't talked to you much lately, prolly has kept some drama down over the last couple years. dunno if any of my friends are still around but... damn.
so, one of my best friends from university got married today.
I didn't even know.
I found out when I saw someone else's post on facebook about it. I know she's been living in Europe, but something would have been nice.
I dunno, this on top of me trying to reach out to someone else I've drifted apart from and miss so badly, and it just not working well. I want to try, I and putting as much effort into it as I can, but having conversation about anything BUT her is like pulling teeth. anything else and the conversation stops. like there's no interest or desire to reconnect.
I know I'm not good at expressing what I am thinking or feeling directly to someone. when I was young, anything I felt was told was "being crazy" or "being a bitch" and unacceptable. it was better to just not say anything and not be rejected. which gets me into trouble when I try to say things indirectly like, say, thru frakking livejournal. a bad habit which I have tried to break and prolly haven't really.
I don't know. maybe I'm just lonely and want the closeness I had before I moved away. I might graduate by may and then move to god knows where, so maybe its all in vain.
I'll go wash my face and bury this sadness in beer and food, because there arn't alot of other options right now.
so, one of my best friends from university got married today.
I didn't even know.
I found out when I saw someone else's post on facebook about it. I know she's been living in Europe, but something would have been nice.
I dunno, this on top of me trying to reach out to someone else I've drifted apart from and miss so badly, and it just not working well. I want to try, I and putting as much effort into it as I can, but having conversation about anything BUT her is like pulling teeth. anything else and the conversation stops. like there's no interest or desire to reconnect.
I know I'm not good at expressing what I am thinking or feeling directly to someone. when I was young, anything I felt was told was "being crazy" or "being a bitch" and unacceptable. it was better to just not say anything and not be rejected. which gets me into trouble when I try to say things indirectly like, say, thru frakking livejournal. a bad habit which I have tried to break and prolly haven't really.
I don't know. maybe I'm just lonely and want the closeness I had before I moved away. I might graduate by may and then move to god knows where, so maybe its all in vain.
I'll go wash my face and bury this sadness in beer and food, because there arn't alot of other options right now.