If you only knew how much you continue to hurt me...
Ok well I had to vent before... I go honest to God go crazy.. and since to my not so much surprise, no one seems to be available.
I just received a phone call from my father.. or in his words "Dad". Well he left a message saying "Hi Charlene, it's your Dad.. can you please call me back.. # " Honestly, wtf?! The thing is, I was going to answer it but I hesitated cause I thought it was going to be a telemarketer so I let it hit the machine cause I'd usually answer it if someone is I know is talking. But as I was ready to hit the stop on the answering machine I heard this voice.
Ok I am honestly... going crazy right now. I had a bunch of stuff planned to do.. but now I just... need direction. Do.. should I call him back? But wtf is he calling me for?! And if I did... would I tell my mom!? DO I tell my mom? Because I obviously know where that's going... "Don't call him back!" And of course that's what Im saying in my head... but Fuck.. how can I... Ugh! It's so hard to put into words what I feel right now.
I wanna compare his voice as an old voice that I've been waiting to hear from...but I can't. Cause it isn't that simple... but what can he possibly need from me?! What if he needs a fucking kidney from me?! or even worse..his kids?! Oh my FUCKING ...ugh! You know... I only wish he'd call me just to say that he wants to meet me... but it's just not like that. I know him... and why he does the things he does... I can't ... just dream of something that impossible.
Omg... I need to hear a voice that can guide me through what to do.. and KNOWS me.. and this situation. Oh Lord...Help me.
X.x
I just received a phone call from my father.. or in his words "Dad". Well he left a message saying "Hi Charlene, it's your Dad.. can you please call me back.. # " Honestly, wtf?! The thing is, I was going to answer it but I hesitated cause I thought it was going to be a telemarketer so I let it hit the machine cause I'd usually answer it if someone is I know is talking. But as I was ready to hit the stop on the answering machine I heard this voice.
Ok I am honestly... going crazy right now. I had a bunch of stuff planned to do.. but now I just... need direction. Do.. should I call him back? But wtf is he calling me for?! And if I did... would I tell my mom!? DO I tell my mom? Because I obviously know where that's going... "Don't call him back!" And of course that's what Im saying in my head... but Fuck.. how can I... Ugh! It's so hard to put into words what I feel right now.
I wanna compare his voice as an old voice that I've been waiting to hear from...but I can't. Cause it isn't that simple... but what can he possibly need from me?! What if he needs a fucking kidney from me?! or even worse..his kids?! Oh my FUCKING ...ugh! You know... I only wish he'd call me just to say that he wants to meet me... but it's just not like that. I know him... and why he does the things he does... I can't ... just dream of something that impossible.
Omg... I need to hear a voice that can guide me through what to do.. and KNOWS me.. and this situation. Oh Lord...Help me.
X.x