(no subject)
Title: Hard Wood (Totally unoriginal, I apologize. It's very late.)
Author: Kai (missy7280)
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 919
Summary: House, Wilson, and House's cane. And lots of lube. Dialogue only fic!
Warning(s): Use of the cane in a sexual manner (use your imagination), rimming, dialogue only.
Disclaimer: ... Do you think David Shore would let House and Wilson get this kinky? Yeah, I didn't think so either.
"This is a very bad idea. Why did I agree to do this again?"
"Because you love me. And because you're a slut."
"I've suffered through a completely monogamous relationship with you for over a year now. How does that make me a slut?"
"My fingers and cock are not enough for you. Now you need the hard wood."
"I don't need anything. You're the one who guilted me into this. Punishing me for reasons I don't understand."
"You were ogling that nurse in pediatrics."
"You mentally undress Cuddy all of the time! How was that any different?"
"You were five seconds away from sticking your cock in her, right in front of all those sick kiddies."
"Erroneous! She was only caring for one patient at the time."
"Semantics, plural or singular. Doesn't change the fact that you were hard for someone that wasn't me."
"How would you even know that I was hard? You were spying on me from the second floor."
"I've gotten you hard enough times. I know that look you get. Besides, even if I was only guessing, you just confirmed my assumption."
"Damn. Foiled again by the Great Gregory House."
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
"So what now, you fuck me with your cane until I get an anal fissure?"
"That would be the plan. But as amusing as your humiliation would be, I'd rather keep your ass prepared to be fucked by me afterwards."
"How very generous of you."
"I thought so. Now turn around and hold your ass cheeks apart."
"No pretty pretty please with whip cream on top?"
"I could go get the whip cream - if you'd like that first."
"My ass is going to have enough foreign objects in it. I'd rather not put it at risk for infection as well as painful tears."
"Another time then. I heard you can do some wild things with cherries as well."
"We are way past popping cherries."
"Thank god. This would be a very kinky experience for first-timers."
"This is a kinky experience for seasoned porn stars."
"Good. Vanilla sex is so boring."
"Would you just get on with it, please? I don't know how much longer I can hold this position."
"See? You're such a slut. You're practically begging for it."
"No, I'm begging for it to be over. My arms are starting to go numb."
"Oh, quit being such a whiny baby. Shut up and take this. I promise you're going to like it-"
"I highly doubt it. I... House? Ohhh -"
"You like that, don't you?"
"Your tongue licking my ass? I fucking love it."
"Mmmm... definitely going to have to save that for another time. Now it's time to prepare you for the cane."
"But - House, please don't stop."
"Sorry. I have a goal here. And you of all people should know how determined I am to finish what I start."
"Well in that case, shouldn't you finish the rim job you started?"
"I can never deny you anything -"
"Oh my god. That feels so good... fuck! Right there. Yes!"
"Never thought you'd be turned on by something so dirty, Jimmy. You can't even touch the toilet handle with your bare hands."
"I know I'm clean. I took a shower before this, remember?"
"Yeah, yeah. Good thing too, or I would never be able to do this."
"Oh, fuck! God, House, your stubble... it burns."
"Then my tongue's job is done here. Time to get back to the original plan."
"House... I'm really not sure I can do this. Let's just have normal anal sex - Jesus! How much lube do you need?!"
"Three fingers worth. That should be about the width of the cane..."
"Jesus Christ. Why am I letting you do this?"
"That's the second time you've taken our lord's name in vain. I know you're a Jew, but should you really be adding insult to injury by sinning?"
"I think God will look past my speech and go straight to condemning me for my sexual perversion."
"I thought you weren't getting off on this?"
"Fine, I admit it. I'm incredibly aroused by the thought of you sticking your cane where it doesn't belong. Now will you just fuck me, please?"
"Sure... Just let me add some more lube to the cane -"
"What? House, you can't really be serious... holy shit. Shit."
"Hmm. If my cane had a brain I'm sure that's what it would be thinking right about now."
"I cannot believe you actually put your cane in my ass."
"Only a couple inches in. You'd think you'd be able to feel it, though."
"Oh I can feel it. It fucking hurts like hell."
"Huh. Thanks for telling me, now I know never to try it."
"Very funny. Now would you please get the damn thing out!"
"I'm trying, but it seems to be pretty stuck in there."
"God dammit, House."
"Just let me fuck you with it a couple times. Now that it's in there we might as well put it to good use."
"No. Under no circumstances are you going to - fuck."
"See? It can't be that bad. Just admit that you like my cane."
"Speaking metaphorically, yes. I could do without the literal one tearing my anus apart."
"Well then, I guess we're going to have to get back to speaking in metaphors."
"Sounds good. Now seriously, get that thing out of me and fuck me with your big hard 'cane.'"
"That I can do."
~*~The End~*~
A/N: I cannot BELIEVE I actually wrote that.
Author: Kai (missy7280)
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 919
Summary: House, Wilson, and House's cane. And lots of lube. Dialogue only fic!
Warning(s): Use of the cane in a sexual manner (use your imagination), rimming, dialogue only.
Disclaimer: ... Do you think David Shore would let House and Wilson get this kinky? Yeah, I didn't think so either.
"This is a very bad idea. Why did I agree to do this again?"
"Because you love me. And because you're a slut."
"I've suffered through a completely monogamous relationship with you for over a year now. How does that make me a slut?"
"My fingers and cock are not enough for you. Now you need the hard wood."
"I don't need anything. You're the one who guilted me into this. Punishing me for reasons I don't understand."
"You were ogling that nurse in pediatrics."
"You mentally undress Cuddy all of the time! How was that any different?"
"You were five seconds away from sticking your cock in her, right in front of all those sick kiddies."
"Erroneous! She was only caring for one patient at the time."
"Semantics, plural or singular. Doesn't change the fact that you were hard for someone that wasn't me."
"How would you even know that I was hard? You were spying on me from the second floor."
"I've gotten you hard enough times. I know that look you get. Besides, even if I was only guessing, you just confirmed my assumption."
"Damn. Foiled again by the Great Gregory House."
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
"So what now, you fuck me with your cane until I get an anal fissure?"
"That would be the plan. But as amusing as your humiliation would be, I'd rather keep your ass prepared to be fucked by me afterwards."
"How very generous of you."
"I thought so. Now turn around and hold your ass cheeks apart."
"No pretty pretty please with whip cream on top?"
"I could go get the whip cream - if you'd like that first."
"My ass is going to have enough foreign objects in it. I'd rather not put it at risk for infection as well as painful tears."
"Another time then. I heard you can do some wild things with cherries as well."
"We are way past popping cherries."
"Thank god. This would be a very kinky experience for first-timers."
"This is a kinky experience for seasoned porn stars."
"Good. Vanilla sex is so boring."
"Would you just get on with it, please? I don't know how much longer I can hold this position."
"See? You're such a slut. You're practically begging for it."
"No, I'm begging for it to be over. My arms are starting to go numb."
"Oh, quit being such a whiny baby. Shut up and take this. I promise you're going to like it-"
"I highly doubt it. I... House? Ohhh -"
"You like that, don't you?"
"Your tongue licking my ass? I fucking love it."
"Mmmm... definitely going to have to save that for another time. Now it's time to prepare you for the cane."
"But - House, please don't stop."
"Sorry. I have a goal here. And you of all people should know how determined I am to finish what I start."
"Well in that case, shouldn't you finish the rim job you started?"
"I can never deny you anything -"
"Oh my god. That feels so good... fuck! Right there. Yes!"
"Never thought you'd be turned on by something so dirty, Jimmy. You can't even touch the toilet handle with your bare hands."
"I know I'm clean. I took a shower before this, remember?"
"Yeah, yeah. Good thing too, or I would never be able to do this."
"Oh, fuck! God, House, your stubble... it burns."
"Then my tongue's job is done here. Time to get back to the original plan."
"House... I'm really not sure I can do this. Let's just have normal anal sex - Jesus! How much lube do you need?!"
"Three fingers worth. That should be about the width of the cane..."
"Jesus Christ. Why am I letting you do this?"
"That's the second time you've taken our lord's name in vain. I know you're a Jew, but should you really be adding insult to injury by sinning?"
"I think God will look past my speech and go straight to condemning me for my sexual perversion."
"I thought you weren't getting off on this?"
"Fine, I admit it. I'm incredibly aroused by the thought of you sticking your cane where it doesn't belong. Now will you just fuck me, please?"
"Sure... Just let me add some more lube to the cane -"
"What? House, you can't really be serious... holy shit. Shit."
"Hmm. If my cane had a brain I'm sure that's what it would be thinking right about now."
"I cannot believe you actually put your cane in my ass."
"Only a couple inches in. You'd think you'd be able to feel it, though."
"Oh I can feel it. It fucking hurts like hell."
"Huh. Thanks for telling me, now I know never to try it."
"Very funny. Now would you please get the damn thing out!"
"I'm trying, but it seems to be pretty stuck in there."
"God dammit, House."
"Just let me fuck you with it a couple times. Now that it's in there we might as well put it to good use."
"No. Under no circumstances are you going to - fuck."
"See? It can't be that bad. Just admit that you like my cane."
"Speaking metaphorically, yes. I could do without the literal one tearing my anus apart."
"Well then, I guess we're going to have to get back to speaking in metaphors."
"Sounds good. Now seriously, get that thing out of me and fuck me with your big hard 'cane.'"
"That I can do."
~*~The End~*~
A/N: I cannot BELIEVE I actually wrote that.