'is that what you call a get away?/ tell me what you got away with
yo.. yea its been awhile, just havent felt like updating.
My parents told me i have to go to UF. Just because my sisters there. They're not giving me a chance to even try to explore my options and look at other schools. No, because its easier for them to have us both in the same place, and i basically have no choice in where im going to go. And i dont get to have the experience of going to a different school than my sister. I dont get to have the experience of being in a completely new place by myself. Now this puts an immense amount of pressure on me to get in to UF and get scholarships. What if i dont have what it takes? What if they dont accept me? What will they think of me then? I'll never reach my parents' standards.
Im officially not into band anymore. Thank you Mr. Schletter. He gave me a B+ on my report card, lowering my gpa. Why? Because i was tardy 8 times. Forget the fact that i was the only one that was there every day, and the only one who gave a shit. And disregard the fact that IM THE ONLY FRENCH HORN LEFT. Have Pablo play first horn. I seriously came really close to quitting. And it will take a small miracle to keep me in band next year. The only reason im still there is because i like to play. Thats it. I like the French Horn. It is the most beautiful thing in the world to me and im not letting him take that away from me. But I officially dont give a shit about Mr. Schletter. Im DONE with his bullshit. If he wants to give me a B+, Im now going to act like a B+ student in band.
I do like my classes though. Mrs. Sheppards great. Siflingers just Siffy. and Mrs. Barnett is amazing.
well, thats whats going on with me. Its been a month and Im still not over Michael. I think about him all the time. I want those 3 years of my life back. And all the love i gave him. I want it back. Im really trying to stop thinking about him so much, its just giving him more of my time and anger to him. He doesnt deserve anything. I hope hes happy now. I need a new boyfriend.
"i've seen more spine in jellyfish/ i've seen more tact in 11 year old kids"
"so have another drink and drive yourself home/ I hope theres ice on all the roads
and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt/ and again when your head goes through the window"
my life is one big ball of stress. I dont know what to do anymore. I have 3 AP classes and i love all of them, but i dont know how to deal with all the work. Im still at Power Smoothie, and i've been there for over a year and i dont get paid shit. Im working 4 days a week and the rest are taken up by homework. I rarely get to go out or hang out with anyone, maybe once a week. I feel like i dont have a life. Is this worth it?
I dont want to work anymore, but i feel like i have too. I dont know why. I think its better to be broke and happy than rich and miserable. But i just feel like i cant be a quitter with anything. I feel like just not doing anything sometimes, but something drives me to keep going. I dont know what it is. Maybe it was going to Venezuela and really noticing how many opportunities i have here and the potential i have to do something great with my life. My cousins dont have that.
I just my parents appreciated all that i go through. I just wish someone appreciated me. Anyone.