50stories Theme #6 - Attraction ~ He remembered... ~ KaoruxYoshiki
Title: He remembered...
Author: Ame
Theme: #6 - Attraction
Rating: almost NC-17 - close enough for a warning
Genre: Yaoi XP
Pairing: KaoruxYoshiki
Band(s): Dir en grey/S.K.I.N., X-Japan, etc.
Summary: Kaoru reminisces about the early days of Dir en grey and the beginning of his relationship with Yoshiki.
Disclaimer: yesh...they're my dollies XD Nu...I own nothing and nobody. Pity me :(
Comments: Kaoru's POV - for once! And yay! A halfway decent piece, instead of an abruptly ended short story! XP Throughout the fic I kept being reminded of the song "You Dropped a Bomb on Me". About halfway through I caved in and listened to it about a hundred times. So I've decided that's Yo and Kao's theme song now :D
Kaoru sighed and fell into the leather couch, lighting a cigarette and taking a long, slow drag. Practise had gone well that day, especially considering how the new song had been going. Kyo shot him a glare from across the room as he lit himself a cigarette, and he waved his own at him in a salute, making him roll his eyes. Kyo coughed as he exhaled, and rubbed his throat.
"What time tomorrow?" Toshiya asked once he had his bass put away. He clasped his hands in the air over his head and stretched languidly, his eyes squinting shut for a moment, and Die shook his head.
"You're such a girl," he commented. Toshiya stook his tongue out at him, which only made Die laugh more. Shinya backhanded Die's shoulder, which earned him a punch in his shoulder. Kaoru stood quickly before they could think to fight.
"How's one sound to everybody?" They groaned collectively, but with much less enthusiasm than they would have a few years before. As it were, they were much too used to it. "I know it's early, but we need to get as much practise in as we can, so we can be ready for the recording. So eat lunch and come down here, okay?" He was acknowledged vaguely and they took their time trickling out. Kyo approached Kaoru, his hand still at his throat self-consciously.
"You know you're a bitch, right?" he said, his voice faltering. Kaoru smiled at him and nodded a little.
"Yeah, think what you want. You need something for that?" Kyo waved his hand dismissively.
"I'll go home and drink some tea. It's nothing." Kaoru nodded again, and they stood smoking together for a moment. When Kyo finished his cigarette he stubbed it out in an ashtray on the floor. They had rented the place out to a couple of aspiring bands recently, and therefore had to come to new standards of "clean" for the place. It had taken a little getting used to, but Kyo was now regularly putting his cigarettes out in the ashtray instead of on the floor. Kaoru made a mental note to commend them all tomorrow.
"Well," Kyo said, and left it at that, raising his hand in a half-wave as he walked out of the room. Kaoru looked down at his own cigarette and stubbed it out hesitantly, falling back onto the couch. The room still seemed to echo of the heavy drum beats, power chords, and demonic screams. They had been practising there for years, and Kaoru liked to think they had made some sort of mark on the place. As if their music had seeped into the walls, and if it was quiet enough you might hear the ghosts of the Macabre days, all wild hair and painful messages. The room was silent, and his very reminiscences made the effect seem real. He remembered all the fans, all the offers, and realising they would need a more permanent place to practise. Then the ad on a billboard in the Tokyo subway, and how he missed his train because he couldn't get hold of the stupid renter. And when he finally did, the guy sold the thing to him for less than the original asking price. How perfect it had seemed, and how excited they all were. He remembered their first practises there, how enthusiastic the music was, how it seemed like the future stretched on forever and it was perfect and inescapable, and they were joined together by the music and the overwhelming passion.
He remembered the struggles, the fights, the original threats to leave by nearly every member of the band, at some point in time. But they always stayed, didn't they? And what would have happened if they didn't...
He remembered the love. The love they all shared for the music, and the love that came pouring out from the smattering of fans. They were always the most devoted, and they made Kaoru love them right back. It was the fans he indulged himself for, in the beginning, when it seemed like there was nothing to fight for anymore. He played for them, and they kept him going. He couldn't disappoint a person, even if he wanted to.
He remembered the first time he heard Yoshiki's voice. He had spent days building up the courage to call him, feeling absolutely pessimistic over it all. Sure, he was helping other bands, but what did the little visual teenagers of Dir en grey have to offer that would make him help them? They were nothings, nobodys, with little to offer and even less to give. Weren't they? Yoshiki hadn't thought so. He'd been truly amazed when he'd heard them. Kaoru remembered how relieved he was when Yoshiki said yes. And how happy they all were when he told them...it was like beginning again.
He remembered the man. How he stood when they walked into his studio, his hair falling about his face perfectly. He always had such beautiful hair; even when it was messy it looked like it was supposed to be that way. He had bowed to them all, and they had bowed lower, scared to death and so excited they could barely breathe, let alone play. He remembered how fast it had gone - it was a blur now, really. The recordings, the meetings, then more recordings, and more meetings, and more recordings, and on and on it went. But the important thing was that it happened. And when it was settled, they would celebrate together. Their idol would join them in their revelry and they thought it couldn't get better than that. In some ways, they were right. Kaoru leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths as he followed the memories. It was like falling through a rabbit hole, much the same feeling as the first time...
He remembered the kiss. They were drunk, he remembered. No, Kaoru was drunk. Yoshiki wasn't, he'd later told Kaoru so. It was at a party, one day after a recording. They were standing outside by Yoshiki's coloured rock-star pool, drinks in hand, just talking shop. That was when Kaoru had found Yoshiki looking at him. It wasn't such an odd occurrence; he was talking to the man, after all. But there was something about it this time. Something that struck Kaoru as odd.
"Did I ever tell you how much I like your hair, Kaoru?" Yoshiki asked, practically interrupting Kaoru's speech on why Kyo got so bitchy during recordings. It was the use of his name that caught his attention. That was the first time he'd dropped the honorific. "People might think it's girly of me, but I love the colour pink." Yoshiki casually took another drink, but the way he eyed the man over the top of his glass was distinctly flirtatious. The strange thing was, Kaoru actually found himself pleased with the attention. He'd never thought of himself as gay. Actually, every time it was mentioned he avidly defended his heterosexuality. But didn't Yoshiki do that, too? It all seemed so odd at the time, and sometimes still did.
"Thank you," was what he heard himself saying in return. As Yoshiki took the glass from his lips his eyes closed a little, and Kaoru found himself suddenly fixated upon his manager. He blinked up at him, and the image that night was the image that Kaoru would always remember as distinctly Yoshiki. A wisp of his trademark mischievous smile caressing his lips, his eyes shaded just enough to be fatally attractive, his hand placed casually in one pocket and his hip jutted out just slightly, just enough to cause the illusion of curves. It was like a bomb hit him right there, and for a long time he didn't know what had happened. As drunk as he was, it hadn't been very conscious, and had slipped away before his brain could acknowledge it. But then Yoshiki was coming closer, he was inches away, and Kaoru didn't pull back, didn't resist as soft warm lips barely pressed against his. It was like a whisper, a lovely, teasing promise of so much more in the future. And then it was gone, and Yoshiki's drink was at his mouth again, and he was almost a foot away. They were at a party, after all, and something like their manager kissing their guitarist wouldn't go unnoticed by the band for long. But it was so surreal Kaoru had been unsure that it had happened at all, except that Yoshiki was still looking at him over the top of his glass, and the expression had changed a little. It was softer, less playful and more meaningful. That was a look Kaoru would get very used to seeing over the next few years.
He had stood there like an idiot, staring at Yoshiki, waiting for something to happen. For him to laugh at him, tell him he was teasing, or at the very least kiss him again. Because he hadn't disliked it. No, it was actually very pleasant. It had created a coldness in the pit of his stomach, like regret but much deeper and less painful. A few moments passed in silence, until a very drunk Die bounded outside and jumped Kaoru.
"What are you doing out here, stupid?" he asked, but his speech was slightly slurred so that Kaoru could barely understand him, in his own inebriated state. He threw Die off him clumsily, and the red-haired man laughed, stumbling and very nearly falling into the pool. Yoshiki had started the instant Die had hit the ground, and rolled his eyes and sighed in an expression of extreme relief and frustration as he caught himself. Instantly he ushered both Kaoru and Die back into the house.
"Come on, you two, you're too drunk to be out by the pool," he said, and closed the door behind them for good measure. Die made a sound between a whine and a snigger.
"What's wrong with the pool, Yoshiki-san?" he asked, falling into a chair.
"I once nearly drowned in a pool," Yoshiki said quietly, his voice tinted with indignation, though he knew Die wasn't listening. Kaoru heard him, however.
"Hontou?" he asked, incredulously. Yoshiki turned to him, and it took him a moment to understand what he was asking about. When he caught up, he nodded.
"Yes. With Hide," He downed the rest of his drink, then walked to the middle of the room and addressed them. "Alright, you all. It's getting late, and none of you are sober enough to drive yourselves back to your hotels, so I'm going to call some cabs for you. Don't do anything stupid, I'll be right back." He strode out of the room, leaving the five of them in a slightly awkward silence, punctuated only by the music in the background.
"Well, that's a night," Kyo said after a while, and spread himself across Yoshiki's couch to sleep. Die made a sound of acknowledgement and slumped in his own chair. Toshiya, who had made a sour face and stopped dancing when Yoshiki came in, sat daintily at Kyo's feet and continued drinking. Kaoru looked around at them all, in various states of exhaustion, ending up at Shinya, who turned his eyes away from the man quickly. His chair was the only one facing the door, and he seemed a little titchy. In a moment of drunken intelligence, Kaoru hoped Shinya would remind him of what had happened the next morning.
As they were waiting for the cabs, Yoshiki wandered back into the kitchen, and on a whim Kaoru decided to follow him. The older man was pouring himself a glass of wine, and didn't look up when Kaoru walked in. He stood a few feet away from Yoshiki, watching him work, then caught his eye as he picked up the glass and turned to leave. They were silent for a moment, just looking at each other, and a certain small fear had entered Yoshiki's eyes. Kaoru was the first to speak.
"Why-"
"I'm sorry," Yoshiki said instantly, dropping his gaze. It fell onto the wine in his glass, and he stared fixedly at it. There was another long silence, and then Kaoru took a step, and Yoshiki closed his eyes, ashamed. But instead of leaving, Kaoru stepped forward, and lifting the man's head kissed him tentatively. He felt Yoshiki melt almost instantly, kissing back carefully, and the impression he got from the kiss was an enthusiastic "thank god". He placed the glass of wine on the counter and brought his hand up hesitantly, threading his fingers through Kaoru's hair. They had been so timid in the beginning, so unsure, but perfectly willing. Kaoru smiled to himself, marvelling for the millionth time that he hadn't forgotten a single detail. How when Yoshiki's hand slipped into his hair he felt chills all through his body, and an overwhelming desire to stay that way forever. His own hands reached instinctively for the man's waist, and they held each other for a long moment, just savouring the feel of the closeness. Then suddenly Yoshiki broke the kiss, leaning back against the counter as if he were wind-swept. He blinked a few times, and Kaoru watched him, feeling a deep sort of desire creep up his spine. It had never occurred to him that his manager was so beautiful...
Yoshiki bit his bottom lip, which Kaoru found fetchingly cute, and then laughed softly at himself for the action. He looked around slowly, as if thinking of something to say, maybe an apology, and Kaoru just stood there, staring at him and wondering at all the strange feelings he was being bombarded with. He felt like his mind would explode, but there was only one thing on it. Then Yoshiki took a deep, slow breath.
"Kaoru..." He started strong, but faltered, sighing out excess breath and closing his eyes for a moment. Once composed, he looked up at Kaoru, and his eyes were watery. "You're drunk," he said softly, his voice heavy with sorrow, and he smiled a little at him as if it were some cruel joke. "You won't even remember this in the morning. Now go on, your cab will be here soon." Kaoru had lingered only a moment before turning and walking awkwardly away.
Later, Yoshiki would tell him the reason he'd sent him away: he didn't think something that made him feel so loved could be real. He'd though it was only the drink, the combination of Kaoru's drunkenness and his own, and it scared him. It always frightened Yoshiki when he got attached to something. Loss does that to a person.
But he had been wrong. Kaoru remembered everything the next morning, and hadn't forgotten it since. It was true he hadn't remembered at first, but the look Shinya gave him when he walked out into the lobby - the same look he had seen the night before - brought back everything crystal-clear. They stayed away from each other after that, only talking when it was for work and never sitting by each other at functions and parties, careful never to be alone. It took Kaoru two and half months to realise he was making a mistake. He was on a plane back to Japan, they were going to have their first big tour, and he had so much to bother his mind during that flight. But for some reason the thoughts kept going back to Yoshiki. He couldn't get the memory out of his head, and it had been plaguing him off and on the entire time. The pleasant feel of Yoshiki's lips barely yielding against his, the almost sensual chills Yoshiki's hand in his hair gave him, and how perfect he had seemed right up against him. And that was when he felt the aftershock. He had sat up abruptly, gaping, and Toshiya, who was sitting next to him, nudged him and asked him if he was alright. He turned to look at Toshiya, and saw across the aisle Shinya was watching him. He blinked at Shinya, asking him in his mind for help, unable to form the words because he was in such shock. As if reading his mind, Shinya gave him a small, reassuring smile, that seemed to say "I knew you'd get it eventually."
For all the strength of his revelation, Kaoru didn't know what he would say to the man, so postponed calling him. It took another few months before the nagging feelings and subliminal commands gnawned through his uncertainty, and by that time Yoshiki was back in Japan, working on god-knows-what. Kaoru had finally decided he was going to call the man, and was leaving a club to do that very thing, when he ran straight into someone, sending them both stumbling. They each apologised all over themselves, and the other man's companion asked him concernedly if he was okay while helping him up. Kaoru sat on the ground for a moment; shaken abruptly from his thoughts he was somewhat stunned.
"Daijoubu?" the man asked, and Kaoru started, his gaze shooting up toward the voice. He was bent over slightly, one hand on his knee, and his hair was falling into his face slightly, framing his sunglasses, which he was wearing despite the waning light. Kaoru had to wonder for a moment if he had gotten a concussion, or if the thing in front of him was an illusion brought on by lack of sleep (which seemed to be an increasing problem), but the presence of a concerned and slightly miffed Heath confirmed it.
"Yoshiki?" Kaoru asked softly. The older man clicked his tongue and took Kaoru's arm, helping him up.
"Don't just sit there like an idiot," he scolded, shaking his head with a small smile. "Haven't changed, have you?" Kaoru could only stare, shaking his head minutely. Where had all his courage gone? He had been so determined, and now the very presence of the man he was so recently obsessed with made him falter completely. Yoshiki sighed and turned to Heath. "I think he's drunk," he said quietly. "Do you mind if I take him home?"
"Sure. Go sleep, then, too. I'll see you tomorrow." Yoshiki began to protest, but Heath gave him a little look, and he yielded and waved half-heartedly, turning back to Kaoru as Heath walked into the club.
"All right, you, what's wrong?" he asked abruptly, suddenly making it plain he knew the man wasn't drunk this time. Kaoru's gaze shifted a little, awkwardly.
"I need to talk to you," he said finally, looking back at Yoshiki definitively. How he'd wished the man wasn't wearing sunglasses. That would have made everything so much easier. Yoshiki nodded slowly after a moment, distant.
They went to Kaoru's house, and Yoshiki seated himself on the couch as Kaoru put some water on to boil for tea. It gave him an excuse to hesitate, and he pondered making pot-moving noises with the ones hanging from the walls until the tea was ready. But that was stupid, and he decided he was being childish. He had gotten the man here, which was a million times better than talking to him across the phone, and though it made things much more difficult there it was. It was like fate was testing him by throwing large, painful rocks at him until he stopped dodging and learned to catch them and throw them back. He stepped into the main part of the apaato and watched Yoshiki fiddle with his bracelet. The man had smoked on the way over, and Kaoru envied him but though better of lighting up at a time like this. His back was to him, and he simply stood there for a long time, thinking about all the speeches he had prepared and how none of them really fit what he wanted to say, now that the man was sitting on his couch, in his apaato... Yoshiki glanced over his shoulder, and Kaoru started toward him, not wanting to appear as if he had been staring at the man. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch, although Yoshiki was sitting almost sideways, making him hard to avoid.
"That's going to take a while," he said, gesturing toward the oven with his thumb. "My stove barely works." Yoshiki nodded but didn't say anything, playing with his bracelet still, patiently. Kaoru was suddenly so nervous he wanted to rip the thing off just to relieve some tension. After a long while he sat forward and looked into Yoshiki's eyes. The man stopped playing with his bracelet and looked back, but Kaoru sighed at him.
"Do you ever take those sunglasses off?" he asked, trying not to sound as frustrated as he felt. Yoshiki slipped them off almost apologetically, folding them and placing them neatly in his shirt pocket before turning back to Kaoru.
"Better?" he asked softly, and Kaoru nodded. "What did you want to talk about? Is something wrong with the band?" Kaoru found himself smiling a little at the irony, and shook his head again, his eyes falling.
"No, not the band. Something's wrong with me," he said, avoiding every good introductory phrase that popped into his head. Yoshiki drew his legs in some and sat forward, as well.
"You can talk to me," he said gently, and nearly rolled his eyes at how cheesy he sounded. Kaoru only nodded again, keeping his gaze down. It was now or never, and never wasn't an option.
"I...I don't really know how to say this, Yoshiki-san," he started hesitantly, but once he'd begun he found the sudden strength to continue. He sat up, looking directly at the man again. "I don't even know what to say. Ever since that party..." Yoshiki's expression wavered for a moment, but Kaoru caught it as if the man had waved an emotional flag. "I didn't forget. I remember everything. And it's been bothering me, this whole time. I can't focus on work, my mind keeps slipping during practise and suddenly I'm the one getting yelled at." Yoshiki fought back a smirk. He knew how that felt. "I don't even know what to think. There's just one thing I need to ask you, I've needed to ask you this whole time." He hesitated, and Yoshiki's gaze fell this time. Kaoru moved closer, tilting the man's head up carefully until their eyes met again. Yoshiki's eyes were wavering a little, and he looked back and forth between Kaoru's eyes, nervously. "Why did you kiss me, Yoshiki?" Yoshiki's eyes stopped, and they closed slowly. He took a slow breath, but Kaoru cut him off. "If you're going to say it was drunken desire, don't. I don't want to hear that, and what's more I won't believe it." Yoshiki's mouth closed, and he bit his lower lip unconsciously. After a long moment, he responded.
"I don't know, Kaoru. Why does anyone do anything? It seems right at the time..." he said, so quietly Kaoru could barely hear him.
"Then tell me this," Kaoru requested in a voice almost as low as his own. "Do you regret it?" Yoshiki blinked his eyes open, and looked directly into Kaoru's, confidently.
"No, Kaoru, I don't regret it," he said, quietly but with great conviction. "I can't tell you what made me do it then, that night, at that moment, but I can tell you if it hadn't happened then it would have happened some other time."
"Like now?" Kaoru asked, and Yoshiki blushed instantly. It hardly took Kaoru a moment to place his lips against Yoshiki's once more, but this time it wasn't the timid, awkward kiss they had shared almost a year before. This one caught Yoshiki off guard, in that it was gently passionate and deeply meaningful. It drew him in, and he found himself closing his eyes, pushing himself closer to Kaoru. Kaoru drew him into his arms, and they shifted a little until they were facing each other. It was an awkward position, though, and Kaoru found himself slipping. He fell back and hit his head hard against the arm of the couch, which made him break the kiss to mutter an obscenity. Yoshiki winced as he heard the thud, and then laughed a little at the awkwardness of it. Kaoru reached a hand back to rub the spot on his head, and Yoshiki's hand followed his.
"Daijoubu?" Yoshiki practically laughed. Kaoru winced at the pain as he touched the hurt spot.
"That's going to leave a bump..."
"You just keep getting yourself hurt, don't you?" Yoshiki asked, slightly concerned. He looked down at Kaoru and suddenly realised the position they were in. Kaoru looked back at him and watched a dark blush creep across his cheeks. "You...ah...we..." Yoshiki began to say, but Kaoru touched a few fingers to his lips to quiet him.
"You're very skittish, aren't you?" he asked. Yoshiki shook his head at himself.
"I'm sorry, I just..." He sighed a little, and Kaoru leaned up to press their lips together again. This time his kiss was slow and a little demanding, and as Yoshiki closed his eyes he felt Kaoru's hands dragging along his sides to rest at the small of his back. He moaned softly into the kiss and deepened it, and in response Kaoru slid his tongue gently across his lips, only suggesting. Pressing against the younger man more, he opened his mouth eagerly and sucked his tongue back erotically. Kaoru groaned and shuddered, and Yoshiki brought his hands up, one to rest on Kaoru's chest and the other to tangle in his hair. The familiar chills ran down Kaoru's spine, and he moved his tongue around Yoshiki's mouth enthusiastically, committing the man's taste to memory. His tongue dragged along Yoshiki's teeth, making the older man whimper despite himself. They broke the kiss for air, and Yoshiki sat up a little, using his hand on Kaoru's chest for leverage.
"Don't ask me why," Kaoru said, seeing the look in Yoshiki's eyes. He slipped his hands under the hem of the drummer's shirt, making him arch his back some at the touch. Yoshiki sat up a little more and let Kaoru pull his shirt off completely, then leaned down and kissed him again, but only briefly.
"What about the tea?" he asked, slightly breathless. Kaoru shook his head and kissed him again, but he broke it stubbornly. "I don't want that water to boil over, because then you'll be upset and I'll feel obligated to clean it and-"
"Okay, I get it!" Kaoru said, and moved out from under him to sprint to the kitchen. Yoshiki took the opportunity to remove all the bothersome jewelry he was wearing, which wasn't a lot, and to move his sunglasses to a safe place. He sat cross-legged on the couch once he was finished, waiting patiently. Patient was not a word to describe Kaoru, however, as he came striding out of the kitchen and moved back onto the couch, kissing Yoshiki instantly. But Yoshiki put a hand on Kaoru's chest and pushed him back gently, making him groan a little in frustration.
"I've done this on a couch before, and it's not exactly easy," Yoshiki explained. Kaoru almost said something, but thought better of it, and instead took the older man's hand and led him into his bedroom.
"Light on or off?" he asked as Yoshiki sat down on the bed, giving the room a quick glance.
"It doesn't matter to me. You decide," he said, sitting back after his brief inspection of the place. Kaoru left the light off and came to the bed, crawling over to Yoshiki and wrapping an arm around his waist. Yoshiki leaned up and crushed his lips against Kaoru's, letting himself be laid down and straddled. Their tongues fought ravenously, twining together and slipping past each other, their breath becoming bated once more. Kaoru suddenly abandoned his lover's mouth for his neck, and began kissing slowly down from his jaw to his collarbone. Yoshiki turned his head eagerly, letting him have free reign of his skin as he wished. His kisses slowly became nips, and suddenly he sank his teeth into Yoshiki's shoulder, making him cry out. Kaoru caught himself and pulled back, starting to mutter an apology, but Yoshiki grabbed him and crushed them together again. His hands roamed across Kaoru's back and chest, then pulled impatiently at the hem of his shirt. They broke the kiss long enough for Yoshiki to rip Kaoru's shirt off and throw it across the room. Kaoru bent down and began to lick at Yoshiki's nipples, his hands drifting down to the man's hips and sliding up and down his thighs. Yoshiki made a choked groan and threw his head back, his hands going to Kaoru's hair once more. Kaoru wondered briefly why he had such a thing for hair, but it was a fleeting thought that was quickly replaced as Yoshiki yanked hard on said hair, bringing him up enough to flip him over suddenly and straddle him. Kaoru paused for a moment, surprised, and stared wide-eyed at a grinning Yoshiki. The blond ran his hands across Kaoru's chest slowly, licking his lips.
"What? You didn't think you were going to get to do all the fun stuff, did you?" Yoshiki chuckled low in his throat, drawing shudders through Kaoru that went straight for his hardening groin.
"I've...never been with a man before," Kaoru stuttered, still somewhat surprised. Yoshiki slowed his hands and quirked an eyebrow.
"Oh? I'm sorry," he said, pityingly. He leaned down and began to lave his tongue all across Kaoru's chest and down to his stomach, dipping the muscle into his navel before biting the skin right below it. Kaoru gasped and then moaned loudly, and Yoshiki sat up, dragging his hands downward slowly. "You poor thing," he said, pouting, his hands continuing their slow descent. Kaoru stared up at him hungrily. "Trust me," he said, his voice barely above a whisper but cracking like a whip, "you'll like it."
"Niikura-san?" Kaoru started, gasping loudly and gazing around him frantically for a moment. It was really amazing how those sorts of memories could draw him in...he hadn't even heard the next band come in. Kaoru crossed his legs self-consciously, hoping desperately that he hadn't been obvious but knowing he must have been. The young man looking down at him seemed worried, and his drummer shot Kaoru a wide-eyed glance. Kaoru smiled a little, thinking All right, Shinya, you got me.
"What time is it?" he asked the lead singer still standing before him, and the young man looked at the clock on the wall.
"Seven ten, Niikura-"
"Don't," Kaoru cut him off, stretching a little before standing. "Kaoru is fine." The rest of the band members stopped in the middle of setting up and turned to stare at their lucky lead singer. Laughing a little, Kaoru patted the shorter man's head before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. "Sorry, guys, I'll leave you alone now." He almost expected one of them to ask him to stay, as they were all fighting not to stare and he knew they admired him and his band, but they didn't. Seven ten, he thought as he left. Then, after some quick math, six thirty in the morning. Damn time zones... He finished his cigarette and tossed it into the distance of the parking lot, pulling out his keys. After a second thought, he pulled out his cell phone too, and when he was secured in his car flipped it open and gazed at the LCD screen. Fuck it, he never sleeps. Smiling, Kaoru turned on his car and pressed the speed dial, putting the phone to his ear. What a story I have to tell you...
Author: Ame
Theme: #6 - Attraction
Rating: almost NC-17 - close enough for a warning
Genre: Yaoi XP
Pairing: KaoruxYoshiki
Band(s): Dir en grey/S.K.I.N., X-Japan, etc.
Summary: Kaoru reminisces about the early days of Dir en grey and the beginning of his relationship with Yoshiki.
Disclaimer: yesh...they're my dollies XD Nu...I own nothing and nobody. Pity me :(
Comments: Kaoru's POV - for once! And yay! A halfway decent piece, instead of an abruptly ended short story! XP Throughout the fic I kept being reminded of the song "You Dropped a Bomb on Me". About halfway through I caved in and listened to it about a hundred times. So I've decided that's Yo and Kao's theme song now :D
Kaoru sighed and fell into the leather couch, lighting a cigarette and taking a long, slow drag. Practise had gone well that day, especially considering how the new song had been going. Kyo shot him a glare from across the room as he lit himself a cigarette, and he waved his own at him in a salute, making him roll his eyes. Kyo coughed as he exhaled, and rubbed his throat.
"What time tomorrow?" Toshiya asked once he had his bass put away. He clasped his hands in the air over his head and stretched languidly, his eyes squinting shut for a moment, and Die shook his head.
"You're such a girl," he commented. Toshiya stook his tongue out at him, which only made Die laugh more. Shinya backhanded Die's shoulder, which earned him a punch in his shoulder. Kaoru stood quickly before they could think to fight.
"How's one sound to everybody?" They groaned collectively, but with much less enthusiasm than they would have a few years before. As it were, they were much too used to it. "I know it's early, but we need to get as much practise in as we can, so we can be ready for the recording. So eat lunch and come down here, okay?" He was acknowledged vaguely and they took their time trickling out. Kyo approached Kaoru, his hand still at his throat self-consciously.
"You know you're a bitch, right?" he said, his voice faltering. Kaoru smiled at him and nodded a little.
"Yeah, think what you want. You need something for that?" Kyo waved his hand dismissively.
"I'll go home and drink some tea. It's nothing." Kaoru nodded again, and they stood smoking together for a moment. When Kyo finished his cigarette he stubbed it out in an ashtray on the floor. They had rented the place out to a couple of aspiring bands recently, and therefore had to come to new standards of "clean" for the place. It had taken a little getting used to, but Kyo was now regularly putting his cigarettes out in the ashtray instead of on the floor. Kaoru made a mental note to commend them all tomorrow.
"Well," Kyo said, and left it at that, raising his hand in a half-wave as he walked out of the room. Kaoru looked down at his own cigarette and stubbed it out hesitantly, falling back onto the couch. The room still seemed to echo of the heavy drum beats, power chords, and demonic screams. They had been practising there for years, and Kaoru liked to think they had made some sort of mark on the place. As if their music had seeped into the walls, and if it was quiet enough you might hear the ghosts of the Macabre days, all wild hair and painful messages. The room was silent, and his very reminiscences made the effect seem real. He remembered all the fans, all the offers, and realising they would need a more permanent place to practise. Then the ad on a billboard in the Tokyo subway, and how he missed his train because he couldn't get hold of the stupid renter. And when he finally did, the guy sold the thing to him for less than the original asking price. How perfect it had seemed, and how excited they all were. He remembered their first practises there, how enthusiastic the music was, how it seemed like the future stretched on forever and it was perfect and inescapable, and they were joined together by the music and the overwhelming passion.
He remembered the struggles, the fights, the original threats to leave by nearly every member of the band, at some point in time. But they always stayed, didn't they? And what would have happened if they didn't...
He remembered the love. The love they all shared for the music, and the love that came pouring out from the smattering of fans. They were always the most devoted, and they made Kaoru love them right back. It was the fans he indulged himself for, in the beginning, when it seemed like there was nothing to fight for anymore. He played for them, and they kept him going. He couldn't disappoint a person, even if he wanted to.
He remembered the first time he heard Yoshiki's voice. He had spent days building up the courage to call him, feeling absolutely pessimistic over it all. Sure, he was helping other bands, but what did the little visual teenagers of Dir en grey have to offer that would make him help them? They were nothings, nobodys, with little to offer and even less to give. Weren't they? Yoshiki hadn't thought so. He'd been truly amazed when he'd heard them. Kaoru remembered how relieved he was when Yoshiki said yes. And how happy they all were when he told them...it was like beginning again.
He remembered the man. How he stood when they walked into his studio, his hair falling about his face perfectly. He always had such beautiful hair; even when it was messy it looked like it was supposed to be that way. He had bowed to them all, and they had bowed lower, scared to death and so excited they could barely breathe, let alone play. He remembered how fast it had gone - it was a blur now, really. The recordings, the meetings, then more recordings, and more meetings, and more recordings, and on and on it went. But the important thing was that it happened. And when it was settled, they would celebrate together. Their idol would join them in their revelry and they thought it couldn't get better than that. In some ways, they were right. Kaoru leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths as he followed the memories. It was like falling through a rabbit hole, much the same feeling as the first time...
He remembered the kiss. They were drunk, he remembered. No, Kaoru was drunk. Yoshiki wasn't, he'd later told Kaoru so. It was at a party, one day after a recording. They were standing outside by Yoshiki's coloured rock-star pool, drinks in hand, just talking shop. That was when Kaoru had found Yoshiki looking at him. It wasn't such an odd occurrence; he was talking to the man, after all. But there was something about it this time. Something that struck Kaoru as odd.
"Did I ever tell you how much I like your hair, Kaoru?" Yoshiki asked, practically interrupting Kaoru's speech on why Kyo got so bitchy during recordings. It was the use of his name that caught his attention. That was the first time he'd dropped the honorific. "People might think it's girly of me, but I love the colour pink." Yoshiki casually took another drink, but the way he eyed the man over the top of his glass was distinctly flirtatious. The strange thing was, Kaoru actually found himself pleased with the attention. He'd never thought of himself as gay. Actually, every time it was mentioned he avidly defended his heterosexuality. But didn't Yoshiki do that, too? It all seemed so odd at the time, and sometimes still did.
"Thank you," was what he heard himself saying in return. As Yoshiki took the glass from his lips his eyes closed a little, and Kaoru found himself suddenly fixated upon his manager. He blinked up at him, and the image that night was the image that Kaoru would always remember as distinctly Yoshiki. A wisp of his trademark mischievous smile caressing his lips, his eyes shaded just enough to be fatally attractive, his hand placed casually in one pocket and his hip jutted out just slightly, just enough to cause the illusion of curves. It was like a bomb hit him right there, and for a long time he didn't know what had happened. As drunk as he was, it hadn't been very conscious, and had slipped away before his brain could acknowledge it. But then Yoshiki was coming closer, he was inches away, and Kaoru didn't pull back, didn't resist as soft warm lips barely pressed against his. It was like a whisper, a lovely, teasing promise of so much more in the future. And then it was gone, and Yoshiki's drink was at his mouth again, and he was almost a foot away. They were at a party, after all, and something like their manager kissing their guitarist wouldn't go unnoticed by the band for long. But it was so surreal Kaoru had been unsure that it had happened at all, except that Yoshiki was still looking at him over the top of his glass, and the expression had changed a little. It was softer, less playful and more meaningful. That was a look Kaoru would get very used to seeing over the next few years.
He had stood there like an idiot, staring at Yoshiki, waiting for something to happen. For him to laugh at him, tell him he was teasing, or at the very least kiss him again. Because he hadn't disliked it. No, it was actually very pleasant. It had created a coldness in the pit of his stomach, like regret but much deeper and less painful. A few moments passed in silence, until a very drunk Die bounded outside and jumped Kaoru.
"What are you doing out here, stupid?" he asked, but his speech was slightly slurred so that Kaoru could barely understand him, in his own inebriated state. He threw Die off him clumsily, and the red-haired man laughed, stumbling and very nearly falling into the pool. Yoshiki had started the instant Die had hit the ground, and rolled his eyes and sighed in an expression of extreme relief and frustration as he caught himself. Instantly he ushered both Kaoru and Die back into the house.
"Come on, you two, you're too drunk to be out by the pool," he said, and closed the door behind them for good measure. Die made a sound between a whine and a snigger.
"What's wrong with the pool, Yoshiki-san?" he asked, falling into a chair.
"I once nearly drowned in a pool," Yoshiki said quietly, his voice tinted with indignation, though he knew Die wasn't listening. Kaoru heard him, however.
"Hontou?" he asked, incredulously. Yoshiki turned to him, and it took him a moment to understand what he was asking about. When he caught up, he nodded.
"Yes. With Hide," He downed the rest of his drink, then walked to the middle of the room and addressed them. "Alright, you all. It's getting late, and none of you are sober enough to drive yourselves back to your hotels, so I'm going to call some cabs for you. Don't do anything stupid, I'll be right back." He strode out of the room, leaving the five of them in a slightly awkward silence, punctuated only by the music in the background.
"Well, that's a night," Kyo said after a while, and spread himself across Yoshiki's couch to sleep. Die made a sound of acknowledgement and slumped in his own chair. Toshiya, who had made a sour face and stopped dancing when Yoshiki came in, sat daintily at Kyo's feet and continued drinking. Kaoru looked around at them all, in various states of exhaustion, ending up at Shinya, who turned his eyes away from the man quickly. His chair was the only one facing the door, and he seemed a little titchy. In a moment of drunken intelligence, Kaoru hoped Shinya would remind him of what had happened the next morning.
As they were waiting for the cabs, Yoshiki wandered back into the kitchen, and on a whim Kaoru decided to follow him. The older man was pouring himself a glass of wine, and didn't look up when Kaoru walked in. He stood a few feet away from Yoshiki, watching him work, then caught his eye as he picked up the glass and turned to leave. They were silent for a moment, just looking at each other, and a certain small fear had entered Yoshiki's eyes. Kaoru was the first to speak.
"Why-"
"I'm sorry," Yoshiki said instantly, dropping his gaze. It fell onto the wine in his glass, and he stared fixedly at it. There was another long silence, and then Kaoru took a step, and Yoshiki closed his eyes, ashamed. But instead of leaving, Kaoru stepped forward, and lifting the man's head kissed him tentatively. He felt Yoshiki melt almost instantly, kissing back carefully, and the impression he got from the kiss was an enthusiastic "thank god". He placed the glass of wine on the counter and brought his hand up hesitantly, threading his fingers through Kaoru's hair. They had been so timid in the beginning, so unsure, but perfectly willing. Kaoru smiled to himself, marvelling for the millionth time that he hadn't forgotten a single detail. How when Yoshiki's hand slipped into his hair he felt chills all through his body, and an overwhelming desire to stay that way forever. His own hands reached instinctively for the man's waist, and they held each other for a long moment, just savouring the feel of the closeness. Then suddenly Yoshiki broke the kiss, leaning back against the counter as if he were wind-swept. He blinked a few times, and Kaoru watched him, feeling a deep sort of desire creep up his spine. It had never occurred to him that his manager was so beautiful...
Yoshiki bit his bottom lip, which Kaoru found fetchingly cute, and then laughed softly at himself for the action. He looked around slowly, as if thinking of something to say, maybe an apology, and Kaoru just stood there, staring at him and wondering at all the strange feelings he was being bombarded with. He felt like his mind would explode, but there was only one thing on it. Then Yoshiki took a deep, slow breath.
"Kaoru..." He started strong, but faltered, sighing out excess breath and closing his eyes for a moment. Once composed, he looked up at Kaoru, and his eyes were watery. "You're drunk," he said softly, his voice heavy with sorrow, and he smiled a little at him as if it were some cruel joke. "You won't even remember this in the morning. Now go on, your cab will be here soon." Kaoru had lingered only a moment before turning and walking awkwardly away.
Later, Yoshiki would tell him the reason he'd sent him away: he didn't think something that made him feel so loved could be real. He'd though it was only the drink, the combination of Kaoru's drunkenness and his own, and it scared him. It always frightened Yoshiki when he got attached to something. Loss does that to a person.
But he had been wrong. Kaoru remembered everything the next morning, and hadn't forgotten it since. It was true he hadn't remembered at first, but the look Shinya gave him when he walked out into the lobby - the same look he had seen the night before - brought back everything crystal-clear. They stayed away from each other after that, only talking when it was for work and never sitting by each other at functions and parties, careful never to be alone. It took Kaoru two and half months to realise he was making a mistake. He was on a plane back to Japan, they were going to have their first big tour, and he had so much to bother his mind during that flight. But for some reason the thoughts kept going back to Yoshiki. He couldn't get the memory out of his head, and it had been plaguing him off and on the entire time. The pleasant feel of Yoshiki's lips barely yielding against his, the almost sensual chills Yoshiki's hand in his hair gave him, and how perfect he had seemed right up against him. And that was when he felt the aftershock. He had sat up abruptly, gaping, and Toshiya, who was sitting next to him, nudged him and asked him if he was alright. He turned to look at Toshiya, and saw across the aisle Shinya was watching him. He blinked at Shinya, asking him in his mind for help, unable to form the words because he was in such shock. As if reading his mind, Shinya gave him a small, reassuring smile, that seemed to say "I knew you'd get it eventually."
For all the strength of his revelation, Kaoru didn't know what he would say to the man, so postponed calling him. It took another few months before the nagging feelings and subliminal commands gnawned through his uncertainty, and by that time Yoshiki was back in Japan, working on god-knows-what. Kaoru had finally decided he was going to call the man, and was leaving a club to do that very thing, when he ran straight into someone, sending them both stumbling. They each apologised all over themselves, and the other man's companion asked him concernedly if he was okay while helping him up. Kaoru sat on the ground for a moment; shaken abruptly from his thoughts he was somewhat stunned.
"Daijoubu?" the man asked, and Kaoru started, his gaze shooting up toward the voice. He was bent over slightly, one hand on his knee, and his hair was falling into his face slightly, framing his sunglasses, which he was wearing despite the waning light. Kaoru had to wonder for a moment if he had gotten a concussion, or if the thing in front of him was an illusion brought on by lack of sleep (which seemed to be an increasing problem), but the presence of a concerned and slightly miffed Heath confirmed it.
"Yoshiki?" Kaoru asked softly. The older man clicked his tongue and took Kaoru's arm, helping him up.
"Don't just sit there like an idiot," he scolded, shaking his head with a small smile. "Haven't changed, have you?" Kaoru could only stare, shaking his head minutely. Where had all his courage gone? He had been so determined, and now the very presence of the man he was so recently obsessed with made him falter completely. Yoshiki sighed and turned to Heath. "I think he's drunk," he said quietly. "Do you mind if I take him home?"
"Sure. Go sleep, then, too. I'll see you tomorrow." Yoshiki began to protest, but Heath gave him a little look, and he yielded and waved half-heartedly, turning back to Kaoru as Heath walked into the club.
"All right, you, what's wrong?" he asked abruptly, suddenly making it plain he knew the man wasn't drunk this time. Kaoru's gaze shifted a little, awkwardly.
"I need to talk to you," he said finally, looking back at Yoshiki definitively. How he'd wished the man wasn't wearing sunglasses. That would have made everything so much easier. Yoshiki nodded slowly after a moment, distant.
They went to Kaoru's house, and Yoshiki seated himself on the couch as Kaoru put some water on to boil for tea. It gave him an excuse to hesitate, and he pondered making pot-moving noises with the ones hanging from the walls until the tea was ready. But that was stupid, and he decided he was being childish. He had gotten the man here, which was a million times better than talking to him across the phone, and though it made things much more difficult there it was. It was like fate was testing him by throwing large, painful rocks at him until he stopped dodging and learned to catch them and throw them back. He stepped into the main part of the apaato and watched Yoshiki fiddle with his bracelet. The man had smoked on the way over, and Kaoru envied him but though better of lighting up at a time like this. His back was to him, and he simply stood there for a long time, thinking about all the speeches he had prepared and how none of them really fit what he wanted to say, now that the man was sitting on his couch, in his apaato... Yoshiki glanced over his shoulder, and Kaoru started toward him, not wanting to appear as if he had been staring at the man. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch, although Yoshiki was sitting almost sideways, making him hard to avoid.
"That's going to take a while," he said, gesturing toward the oven with his thumb. "My stove barely works." Yoshiki nodded but didn't say anything, playing with his bracelet still, patiently. Kaoru was suddenly so nervous he wanted to rip the thing off just to relieve some tension. After a long while he sat forward and looked into Yoshiki's eyes. The man stopped playing with his bracelet and looked back, but Kaoru sighed at him.
"Do you ever take those sunglasses off?" he asked, trying not to sound as frustrated as he felt. Yoshiki slipped them off almost apologetically, folding them and placing them neatly in his shirt pocket before turning back to Kaoru.
"Better?" he asked softly, and Kaoru nodded. "What did you want to talk about? Is something wrong with the band?" Kaoru found himself smiling a little at the irony, and shook his head again, his eyes falling.
"No, not the band. Something's wrong with me," he said, avoiding every good introductory phrase that popped into his head. Yoshiki drew his legs in some and sat forward, as well.
"You can talk to me," he said gently, and nearly rolled his eyes at how cheesy he sounded. Kaoru only nodded again, keeping his gaze down. It was now or never, and never wasn't an option.
"I...I don't really know how to say this, Yoshiki-san," he started hesitantly, but once he'd begun he found the sudden strength to continue. He sat up, looking directly at the man again. "I don't even know what to say. Ever since that party..." Yoshiki's expression wavered for a moment, but Kaoru caught it as if the man had waved an emotional flag. "I didn't forget. I remember everything. And it's been bothering me, this whole time. I can't focus on work, my mind keeps slipping during practise and suddenly I'm the one getting yelled at." Yoshiki fought back a smirk. He knew how that felt. "I don't even know what to think. There's just one thing I need to ask you, I've needed to ask you this whole time." He hesitated, and Yoshiki's gaze fell this time. Kaoru moved closer, tilting the man's head up carefully until their eyes met again. Yoshiki's eyes were wavering a little, and he looked back and forth between Kaoru's eyes, nervously. "Why did you kiss me, Yoshiki?" Yoshiki's eyes stopped, and they closed slowly. He took a slow breath, but Kaoru cut him off. "If you're going to say it was drunken desire, don't. I don't want to hear that, and what's more I won't believe it." Yoshiki's mouth closed, and he bit his lower lip unconsciously. After a long moment, he responded.
"I don't know, Kaoru. Why does anyone do anything? It seems right at the time..." he said, so quietly Kaoru could barely hear him.
"Then tell me this," Kaoru requested in a voice almost as low as his own. "Do you regret it?" Yoshiki blinked his eyes open, and looked directly into Kaoru's, confidently.
"No, Kaoru, I don't regret it," he said, quietly but with great conviction. "I can't tell you what made me do it then, that night, at that moment, but I can tell you if it hadn't happened then it would have happened some other time."
"Like now?" Kaoru asked, and Yoshiki blushed instantly. It hardly took Kaoru a moment to place his lips against Yoshiki's once more, but this time it wasn't the timid, awkward kiss they had shared almost a year before. This one caught Yoshiki off guard, in that it was gently passionate and deeply meaningful. It drew him in, and he found himself closing his eyes, pushing himself closer to Kaoru. Kaoru drew him into his arms, and they shifted a little until they were facing each other. It was an awkward position, though, and Kaoru found himself slipping. He fell back and hit his head hard against the arm of the couch, which made him break the kiss to mutter an obscenity. Yoshiki winced as he heard the thud, and then laughed a little at the awkwardness of it. Kaoru reached a hand back to rub the spot on his head, and Yoshiki's hand followed his.
"Daijoubu?" Yoshiki practically laughed. Kaoru winced at the pain as he touched the hurt spot.
"That's going to leave a bump..."
"You just keep getting yourself hurt, don't you?" Yoshiki asked, slightly concerned. He looked down at Kaoru and suddenly realised the position they were in. Kaoru looked back at him and watched a dark blush creep across his cheeks. "You...ah...we..." Yoshiki began to say, but Kaoru touched a few fingers to his lips to quiet him.
"You're very skittish, aren't you?" he asked. Yoshiki shook his head at himself.
"I'm sorry, I just..." He sighed a little, and Kaoru leaned up to press their lips together again. This time his kiss was slow and a little demanding, and as Yoshiki closed his eyes he felt Kaoru's hands dragging along his sides to rest at the small of his back. He moaned softly into the kiss and deepened it, and in response Kaoru slid his tongue gently across his lips, only suggesting. Pressing against the younger man more, he opened his mouth eagerly and sucked his tongue back erotically. Kaoru groaned and shuddered, and Yoshiki brought his hands up, one to rest on Kaoru's chest and the other to tangle in his hair. The familiar chills ran down Kaoru's spine, and he moved his tongue around Yoshiki's mouth enthusiastically, committing the man's taste to memory. His tongue dragged along Yoshiki's teeth, making the older man whimper despite himself. They broke the kiss for air, and Yoshiki sat up a little, using his hand on Kaoru's chest for leverage.
"Don't ask me why," Kaoru said, seeing the look in Yoshiki's eyes. He slipped his hands under the hem of the drummer's shirt, making him arch his back some at the touch. Yoshiki sat up a little more and let Kaoru pull his shirt off completely, then leaned down and kissed him again, but only briefly.
"What about the tea?" he asked, slightly breathless. Kaoru shook his head and kissed him again, but he broke it stubbornly. "I don't want that water to boil over, because then you'll be upset and I'll feel obligated to clean it and-"
"Okay, I get it!" Kaoru said, and moved out from under him to sprint to the kitchen. Yoshiki took the opportunity to remove all the bothersome jewelry he was wearing, which wasn't a lot, and to move his sunglasses to a safe place. He sat cross-legged on the couch once he was finished, waiting patiently. Patient was not a word to describe Kaoru, however, as he came striding out of the kitchen and moved back onto the couch, kissing Yoshiki instantly. But Yoshiki put a hand on Kaoru's chest and pushed him back gently, making him groan a little in frustration.
"I've done this on a couch before, and it's not exactly easy," Yoshiki explained. Kaoru almost said something, but thought better of it, and instead took the older man's hand and led him into his bedroom.
"Light on or off?" he asked as Yoshiki sat down on the bed, giving the room a quick glance.
"It doesn't matter to me. You decide," he said, sitting back after his brief inspection of the place. Kaoru left the light off and came to the bed, crawling over to Yoshiki and wrapping an arm around his waist. Yoshiki leaned up and crushed his lips against Kaoru's, letting himself be laid down and straddled. Their tongues fought ravenously, twining together and slipping past each other, their breath becoming bated once more. Kaoru suddenly abandoned his lover's mouth for his neck, and began kissing slowly down from his jaw to his collarbone. Yoshiki turned his head eagerly, letting him have free reign of his skin as he wished. His kisses slowly became nips, and suddenly he sank his teeth into Yoshiki's shoulder, making him cry out. Kaoru caught himself and pulled back, starting to mutter an apology, but Yoshiki grabbed him and crushed them together again. His hands roamed across Kaoru's back and chest, then pulled impatiently at the hem of his shirt. They broke the kiss long enough for Yoshiki to rip Kaoru's shirt off and throw it across the room. Kaoru bent down and began to lick at Yoshiki's nipples, his hands drifting down to the man's hips and sliding up and down his thighs. Yoshiki made a choked groan and threw his head back, his hands going to Kaoru's hair once more. Kaoru wondered briefly why he had such a thing for hair, but it was a fleeting thought that was quickly replaced as Yoshiki yanked hard on said hair, bringing him up enough to flip him over suddenly and straddle him. Kaoru paused for a moment, surprised, and stared wide-eyed at a grinning Yoshiki. The blond ran his hands across Kaoru's chest slowly, licking his lips.
"What? You didn't think you were going to get to do all the fun stuff, did you?" Yoshiki chuckled low in his throat, drawing shudders through Kaoru that went straight for his hardening groin.
"I've...never been with a man before," Kaoru stuttered, still somewhat surprised. Yoshiki slowed his hands and quirked an eyebrow.
"Oh? I'm sorry," he said, pityingly. He leaned down and began to lave his tongue all across Kaoru's chest and down to his stomach, dipping the muscle into his navel before biting the skin right below it. Kaoru gasped and then moaned loudly, and Yoshiki sat up, dragging his hands downward slowly. "You poor thing," he said, pouting, his hands continuing their slow descent. Kaoru stared up at him hungrily. "Trust me," he said, his voice barely above a whisper but cracking like a whip, "you'll like it."
"Niikura-san?" Kaoru started, gasping loudly and gazing around him frantically for a moment. It was really amazing how those sorts of memories could draw him in...he hadn't even heard the next band come in. Kaoru crossed his legs self-consciously, hoping desperately that he hadn't been obvious but knowing he must have been. The young man looking down at him seemed worried, and his drummer shot Kaoru a wide-eyed glance. Kaoru smiled a little, thinking All right, Shinya, you got me.
"What time is it?" he asked the lead singer still standing before him, and the young man looked at the clock on the wall.
"Seven ten, Niikura-"
"Don't," Kaoru cut him off, stretching a little before standing. "Kaoru is fine." The rest of the band members stopped in the middle of setting up and turned to stare at their lucky lead singer. Laughing a little, Kaoru patted the shorter man's head before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. "Sorry, guys, I'll leave you alone now." He almost expected one of them to ask him to stay, as they were all fighting not to stare and he knew they admired him and his band, but they didn't. Seven ten, he thought as he left. Then, after some quick math, six thirty in the morning. Damn time zones... He finished his cigarette and tossed it into the distance of the parking lot, pulling out his keys. After a second thought, he pulled out his cell phone too, and when he was secured in his car flipped it open and gazed at the LCD screen. Fuck it, he never sleeps. Smiling, Kaoru turned on his car and pressed the speed dial, putting the phone to his ear. What a story I have to tell you...