Processional night

[missxmariss]

Tonight was processional night and i never could have imagined how emotional it would have been- for me and for everyone else. On every other day i never truly the bond and connection and love everyone showed for each other tonight. People were basically expressing their lives and some very painful things and this whole experience really got me thinking. While i may hate living here on an ordianary and i just cant wait to leave and start fresh and meet a whole new set of people, there is no way I can leave everything I have right now. im not ready to grow up, to have to depend on myself, and have to start everything new. I just cant imagine my life not as it is now and it scares me. It just shows how fast time really does go and how you have to treasure every minute of it because while 8 months seems like a long time, after living here for 17 years, 8 months is nothing and its going to go by soo quickly. and it just makes me really upset.

and then i realized that ive been friends with my closest friends for like my entire life- since like first grade- and they know absolutely nothing about me. even with them i feel like i have to put on a front...i could never cry in front of them or tell them how I feel, and why is that? thats why i was so surprise when i started to cry tonight, and it was like hardcore- because i havnt cried in front of people in soo long. but like the hting is no one actually knows what i cry about- even my best friends. no one knows anything about me.