(no subject)
Day 1
The other part of day 1
The day I started this spiritual journey, I did it because a book on depression told me that setting up daily goals for myself would help me feel better, because every day I'd feel like I accomplished something. The book also told me that reading the Bible and praying helps, so I took the two pieces of advice and combined them together and made a goal to read the Bible and pray everyday. I did it as a last resort, in a way. I remember standing in the bookstore trying to digest everything I could in that book, because I knew I couldn't buy it, and I remember thinking I might as well try it; it can't hurt.."
That day I wrote an entry asking someone, anyone, for help. I wrote it public, but backdated and not in my publicly advertised journal, because I wanted to put it in the hands of fate. I believe that God answered my cry for help. He helped me when nobody else could. He got to me, when nobody else could.
Before that day I was in such deep despair. I didn't think I had anything to live for. I was ready to get into anything (drugs, alcohol, sex, parties) to help me escape life. I stopped caring about whether or not I stayed alive, because I felt like I had nothing to live for. My mom became miserable because she witnessed how little I ate, and how I barely ever slept, and she tried to get to me, but I wouldn't let her. I remember one day she said to me "I know that you not eating, or sleeping is a form of slow suicide" and I knew she was right. Subconsciously I was trying to kill myself. I remember at that time I had to go get an ultra-sound to check on the cyst on my ovary, and I remember actually WISHING that it became cancerous. I knew it was the most horrible wish I could wish on myself, and I remember breaking down realizing how little I cared about myself, and how selfish I became, and I remember I was just so miserable, and I didn't feel like I'd ever be happy again.
Now I see so much beauty everywhere around me - even inside of me. There's times I feel despair, and sorrow, and everything downfalls, but God's strength helps me overcome it. Inside I still have hope. The changes aren't just emotional - I see it in every aspect of my life. My appetite is now normal. I sleep peacefully. My relationships with my family has gotten better. I feel better about myself - confidence-wise. finding and accepting God's love is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and it just changed my life dramatically. I smile out of nowhere, even when I'm having a bad day. In the past I tried everything to make my life better, but going on this spiritual journey is the only thing that has actually improved my life without any negative consequences. I wish so badly I could share it with the people around me; I want everyone to be able to feel the things I've felt. I can't even explain all of it into words. Before when people wrote about God and Jesus and quotes from the Bible it use to annoy me so much, because I wasn't religious, and people may call me a hypocrite for now doing the same, but I'm so grateful I got over my stubborness and let God into my life. I use to feel like people only publicly wrote about God to try and convert everyone to be just like them, and I realized that it's only because they knew how amazing loving God is, and wanted to share it with the people around them - the same way I now want to share it with the people around me.
Day 1 had that picture of the hole through the branches, as if someone had broken through and flew into the sky. That's exactly how I feel when I look back at that day. I look back at all the misery I felt, and asking for help, and God giving me that help, and starting my spiritual journey without realizing it, and it feels like I broke through a big wall in my life that was blocking me from heaven. I have God to thank for all of this. His love truly is amazing, and I pray that the people around me get to experience it.
Just a few hours ago I was crying, because of a few trials in my life, and now I'm just so grateful and filled with joy thinking about everything God has done for me. He always finds a way to comfort me. All the weight I've been carrying around the whole day is now gone.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18
Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid. - John 14:27
The other part of day 1
The day I started this spiritual journey, I did it because a book on depression told me that setting up daily goals for myself would help me feel better, because every day I'd feel like I accomplished something. The book also told me that reading the Bible and praying helps, so I took the two pieces of advice and combined them together and made a goal to read the Bible and pray everyday. I did it as a last resort, in a way. I remember standing in the bookstore trying to digest everything I could in that book, because I knew I couldn't buy it, and I remember thinking I might as well try it; it can't hurt.."
That day I wrote an entry asking someone, anyone, for help. I wrote it public, but backdated and not in my publicly advertised journal, because I wanted to put it in the hands of fate. I believe that God answered my cry for help. He helped me when nobody else could. He got to me, when nobody else could.
Before that day I was in such deep despair. I didn't think I had anything to live for. I was ready to get into anything (drugs, alcohol, sex, parties) to help me escape life. I stopped caring about whether or not I stayed alive, because I felt like I had nothing to live for. My mom became miserable because she witnessed how little I ate, and how I barely ever slept, and she tried to get to me, but I wouldn't let her. I remember one day she said to me "I know that you not eating, or sleeping is a form of slow suicide" and I knew she was right. Subconsciously I was trying to kill myself. I remember at that time I had to go get an ultra-sound to check on the cyst on my ovary, and I remember actually WISHING that it became cancerous. I knew it was the most horrible wish I could wish on myself, and I remember breaking down realizing how little I cared about myself, and how selfish I became, and I remember I was just so miserable, and I didn't feel like I'd ever be happy again.
Now I see so much beauty everywhere around me - even inside of me. There's times I feel despair, and sorrow, and everything downfalls, but God's strength helps me overcome it. Inside I still have hope. The changes aren't just emotional - I see it in every aspect of my life. My appetite is now normal. I sleep peacefully. My relationships with my family has gotten better. I feel better about myself - confidence-wise. finding and accepting God's love is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and it just changed my life dramatically. I smile out of nowhere, even when I'm having a bad day. In the past I tried everything to make my life better, but going on this spiritual journey is the only thing that has actually improved my life without any negative consequences. I wish so badly I could share it with the people around me; I want everyone to be able to feel the things I've felt. I can't even explain all of it into words. Before when people wrote about God and Jesus and quotes from the Bible it use to annoy me so much, because I wasn't religious, and people may call me a hypocrite for now doing the same, but I'm so grateful I got over my stubborness and let God into my life. I use to feel like people only publicly wrote about God to try and convert everyone to be just like them, and I realized that it's only because they knew how amazing loving God is, and wanted to share it with the people around them - the same way I now want to share it with the people around me.
Day 1 had that picture of the hole through the branches, as if someone had broken through and flew into the sky. That's exactly how I feel when I look back at that day. I look back at all the misery I felt, and asking for help, and God giving me that help, and starting my spiritual journey without realizing it, and it feels like I broke through a big wall in my life that was blocking me from heaven. I have God to thank for all of this. His love truly is amazing, and I pray that the people around me get to experience it.
Just a few hours ago I was crying, because of a few trials in my life, and now I'm just so grateful and filled with joy thinking about everything God has done for me. He always finds a way to comfort me. All the weight I've been carrying around the whole day is now gone.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18
Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid. - John 14:27