Day Three
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Although today has been mostly made up of a lot of crying, I realized that that's what the good thing about today is.
I think that all the emotions, all the tears I've been bottling up for weeks all got released today. It irritated me, because I didn't understand why I was crying, and I realized it was because I've been needing it for a long time. Crying is our body's way of cleansing, releasing, relieving itself. I've been trying to release through excercise, and cleanse through showers, but today human nature took control. It was all in good timing, because my parents weren't home all day. A half an hour after I was finally done, they came home.
Everything happens for a reason. I needed this. I needed a day where I could just let go, and stop pretending that everything was ok. I needed to feel alone, so I could feel God's presence. It's really weird realizing the good from the bad, especially when moments before you didn't think there was anything good to come out of it. Anyway, after I came to this realization, I let myself cry as much as I needed to, and now I feel a lot better. There's no heaviness in my chest, and my headache is gone. I truly believe fate set this up, because my eyes aren't puffed up, which is really weird, because usually if I've been crying for only a few minutes my eyes already start to turn red and my eyelids start to swell. There are no signs for my parents to tell what I've been doing all day.
I do wish I had a shoulder to cry on, and it does upset me that all the people I had called hadn't picked up or called back, but everything happens for a reason. I'm upset that at the moment it feels like I'm there for people who aren't there for me, but that's what friendship is about. It requires patience, understanding, and forgiveness. I will still continue to be there for my friends even if for the past few days it hasn't felt like they've been there for me. I know that there have been many instances in the past where I let them down and they forgave me unconditionally. They're still here for me; I need to still be there for them. One little disappointment should not deteriorate a friendship.