Je suis ne comprend pas
Sometimes conversations with the person you least expect could be of help is the one that turns out to have the most lasting impact.
The topic of marriage has become quite common in my house now. I finally understand what L had meant by being under pressure in India. There are times when I feel that the easy way out would be to just let them do what they want and I just go with the flow of it. But then, I would stop for a moment,take a deep breathe and I remember once more why I would never agree to an agreed marriage.
As I was shopping for groceries the other day, after my mother and I had one of these marriage chats, I wondered why I was against arranged marriages. After all, it seemed to work for L and others in my family. They seem to perfectly happy building a relationship with someone after they got married. They say love came naturally.
This got me thinking, what actually is Love. There is the love between siblings, friends and even non-fictional characters. How do we differentiate the different types of love. How does one know that one is IN LOVE with someone else as opposed to simply lusting after them?
When do you know that you are ready to settle down? Do you suddenly wake up one day and decide that today is the day I am going to settle down?
And back to arranged marriages; am I opposed to the idea because I donot want this to be another thing that my parents do for me? Makes a decision for me? After all the perception that they have of me and what I am really like is very different things. Am I against this because they are helping me? What if in one scenario I bump into someone and it grows into something more and if that same guy had been introduced to me by the parents, would I have rejected him anyways?
There is so many questions that I have but not many answers. Books have offered me no solutions. And I think having my guy friends arguing which of them I should marry so that I can get out of an actual wedding is taking the easy way out. Taking that path had never interested me and it won't start now.
What is it that I really want? I told a friend, that I am looking for fire. Perhaps I wasn't clear with my explanation. When we think of fire, we usually imagine something that is out of control, ravaging everything in its path, consuming itself and its environment. I think not of this destructive force. When I imagine fire, I see the light that burns in the dark and guides you back home when you are lost in the darkness. I need that light in my life, for there are times when I lose myself and I could use a light to give me hope. Of course, this same fire with the right encouragement could be coaxed to burn brighter and stronger and hotter. This is why I seek fire. I need that intensity to keep my interest alive-anything less would only make me lose interest. And besides haven't we been taught that there can be no pleasure without pain. Its two sides of the same coin, at least in my world.
This whole M-issue has had me out of sorts. I just wish I knew what to do. Wishing upon the stars doesn't seem to have changed anything for me. Astrologically, nothing of romantic sorts happens to me this year. But career wise, its great.
The topic of marriage has become quite common in my house now. I finally understand what L had meant by being under pressure in India. There are times when I feel that the easy way out would be to just let them do what they want and I just go with the flow of it. But then, I would stop for a moment,take a deep breathe and I remember once more why I would never agree to an agreed marriage.
As I was shopping for groceries the other day, after my mother and I had one of these marriage chats, I wondered why I was against arranged marriages. After all, it seemed to work for L and others in my family. They seem to perfectly happy building a relationship with someone after they got married. They say love came naturally.
This got me thinking, what actually is Love. There is the love between siblings, friends and even non-fictional characters. How do we differentiate the different types of love. How does one know that one is IN LOVE with someone else as opposed to simply lusting after them?
When do you know that you are ready to settle down? Do you suddenly wake up one day and decide that today is the day I am going to settle down?
And back to arranged marriages; am I opposed to the idea because I donot want this to be another thing that my parents do for me? Makes a decision for me? After all the perception that they have of me and what I am really like is very different things. Am I against this because they are helping me? What if in one scenario I bump into someone and it grows into something more and if that same guy had been introduced to me by the parents, would I have rejected him anyways?
There is so many questions that I have but not many answers. Books have offered me no solutions. And I think having my guy friends arguing which of them I should marry so that I can get out of an actual wedding is taking the easy way out. Taking that path had never interested me and it won't start now.
What is it that I really want? I told a friend, that I am looking for fire. Perhaps I wasn't clear with my explanation. When we think of fire, we usually imagine something that is out of control, ravaging everything in its path, consuming itself and its environment. I think not of this destructive force. When I imagine fire, I see the light that burns in the dark and guides you back home when you are lost in the darkness. I need that light in my life, for there are times when I lose myself and I could use a light to give me hope. Of course, this same fire with the right encouragement could be coaxed to burn brighter and stronger and hotter. This is why I seek fire. I need that intensity to keep my interest alive-anything less would only make me lose interest. And besides haven't we been taught that there can be no pleasure without pain. Its two sides of the same coin, at least in my world.
This whole M-issue has had me out of sorts. I just wish I knew what to do. Wishing upon the stars doesn't seem to have changed anything for me. Astrologically, nothing of romantic sorts happens to me this year. But career wise, its great.