Well, did they deserve it?
As I sit here with my glass of store made chocolate milk, I think back on my weekend.....Nick and I picked up his little sister that he hasnt seen in two years, Kayla. I cut all of my hair off....we rented a shit load of movies from FAMILY VIDEO and basically tried to forget our normal lives, that I find my self still living today. It wasn't until last night when I really got hit hard with depression. I mean ive fought it off for a month and a half now, but this just broke me. We had rented the movie THIRTEEN...kayla is thirteen and i thought maybe it would scare her straight, which i think it did. But anyway there is a part in the movie (actually more than once, like 3 times) where she cuts her self, and i just saw the blood, closed my eyes, and ran upstairs fighting the tears and the hurt of wanting to. I was stronger than that this time, and I wasn't going to throw away all that I have worked so hard to get at. Later after we took Kayla home, we went to bed and nick hugged me....like hugged me so hard that it hurt, and told me how proud of me he was and that he wont leave me alone for the world...he took my razors that i had hid...only because i asked him to. I think i fought the struggle with him holding me down for a good 2 hours. Which leaves me this morning in some back pain lol....Im very thankful that he has been there, unlike when he would just walk away or get upset...he cried this time. So much for the big snow we were supposed to get right? I was hoping for a school closing. I havn't slept well all weekend, i was wishing for just one day that i could sleep...all day...and i would to :-D Well im off to find my way to school...