I can't swallow that
I’ve got this nasty habit of putting pens in my mouth for the sole purpose of chewing on them. Little infants with pacifiers give me the finger and laugh at my plight, but little do they know the harsh realities of a pen chewer. Once they found me unconscious behind a Wendy’s with a Bic Gel Glide 1002C jutting out of the side of my mouth. Before I begin, I suggest you each grab a cheap, easy to chew pen and join me on my adventure.
Anyhoo, I’m chewing on this cheapie pen at work when suddenly it runs out of ink. Thinking quickly, I bite the top off and remove the long plastic black ink filled cylinder to inspect the cause my pens dryness.
Just as I thought: there wasn’t enough ink being pushed out to the end and it appeared to have solidified somewhat. I removed the straw like apparatus and tried to blow into it--no go-- there was a plastic cork impeding my progress. I then had my first meeting with physics.
I placed my mouth on the end of the "ink straw" and instead sucked in, hoping that the flow of ink would trickle out like a leaky faucet...instead it came out like a damn fire hose. Much like rubbing a dogs nose in his shit when he makes dookie on the new leather sofa, I was in the process of being punished for my pithy mistake.
Soon I was sucking ink down at an incredible rate. I began to see this as Karma coming back to bite me in the ass for making fun and talking shit about all the girls in high school that would swallow. I tried to suck it all down but there was just too much and soon I found myself gagging. In panic I flung the pen out of my mouth and watched in horror as the sticky black fluid ruined a perfectly good desk. I removed tissues from my jacket pocket and rubbed my tongue against it, hoping to sop up some of the mess.
That’s when I went to the restroom.
Yeah. Sorry. No comment. I think LiveJournal should somehow penalize me for what I just wrote, rub my nose in shit and maybe I’ll learn my lesson..or write about how I accidently put it in my mouth.
Anyhoo, I’m chewing on this cheapie pen at work when suddenly it runs out of ink. Thinking quickly, I bite the top off and remove the long plastic black ink filled cylinder to inspect the cause my pens dryness.
Just as I thought: there wasn’t enough ink being pushed out to the end and it appeared to have solidified somewhat. I removed the straw like apparatus and tried to blow into it--no go-- there was a plastic cork impeding my progress. I then had my first meeting with physics.
I placed my mouth on the end of the "ink straw" and instead sucked in, hoping that the flow of ink would trickle out like a leaky faucet...instead it came out like a damn fire hose. Much like rubbing a dogs nose in his shit when he makes dookie on the new leather sofa, I was in the process of being punished for my pithy mistake.
Soon I was sucking ink down at an incredible rate. I began to see this as Karma coming back to bite me in the ass for making fun and talking shit about all the girls in high school that would swallow. I tried to suck it all down but there was just too much and soon I found myself gagging. In panic I flung the pen out of my mouth and watched in horror as the sticky black fluid ruined a perfectly good desk. I removed tissues from my jacket pocket and rubbed my tongue against it, hoping to sop up some of the mess.
That’s when I went to the restroom.
Yeah. Sorry. No comment. I think LiveJournal should somehow penalize me for what I just wrote, rub my nose in shit and maybe I’ll learn my lesson..or write about how I accidently put it in my mouth.