(no subject)
so here i am, back at bucknell once again.
i know that i've been saying for a long time that i'm really excited to be back - and i AM happy, but right now i am just feeling sad. i really don't want to fall into the schedual of going out that seems to define bucknell too much of the time.
plus, i'm feeling a little bit lonely.... matthew came up to help me move in last night and once again it wasjust so very good to see him. ever since we broke up, time spent with him has been so good . i look forward to seeing him again, i get excited for it and i count down the days and i get sad when we have to say goodbye to each other. even just the last few hours have been so amazing.....
after being happily put through hours and hours of carrying things up four flights of steps, helping get groceries and stuff, helping to take apart a bed, put my stuff away, and all the time with me barely speaking to him because i was so excited to see mccain, he just treated me so kindly, like it was some kind of gift to getto be able to spend time with me. all night long he suggested sweet things for us to do together - took me out to dinner for no reason, made a late night run to duncan donuts with me, happily ran out in the middle of the night when i needed something...
something about being with him that i thought had been lost seems to have been found again. suddenly i feel beautiful when i am around him, i feel appritiated and considered and cared for - but i guess the most important part is that he makes me feel beaufitul. i don't just mean physically beautiful, although he certainly does do that - i mean that he makes me feel like i am an emotionally, intellectually, spirtually beautiful person. and it isn't as if i don't feel like i am those things when he is not around - but he magnifies the feeling in a way that no one else ever has. it really shines through that he sees something in me that makes him want to make me happy with no alterior motives, no selfish reasons, so expectations. everyone should be that lucky.
i still don't know if it will feel right to be back "together" as boyfriend and girlfriend again - but i do know that i am truly, honestly happy to spend time with him again. we shall see what happens - for now i could not be happier with the situation.
i know that i've been saying for a long time that i'm really excited to be back - and i AM happy, but right now i am just feeling sad. i really don't want to fall into the schedual of going out that seems to define bucknell too much of the time.
plus, i'm feeling a little bit lonely.... matthew came up to help me move in last night and once again it wasjust so very good to see him. ever since we broke up, time spent with him has been so good . i look forward to seeing him again, i get excited for it and i count down the days and i get sad when we have to say goodbye to each other. even just the last few hours have been so amazing.....
after being happily put through hours and hours of carrying things up four flights of steps, helping get groceries and stuff, helping to take apart a bed, put my stuff away, and all the time with me barely speaking to him because i was so excited to see mccain, he just treated me so kindly, like it was some kind of gift to getto be able to spend time with me. all night long he suggested sweet things for us to do together - took me out to dinner for no reason, made a late night run to duncan donuts with me, happily ran out in the middle of the night when i needed something...
something about being with him that i thought had been lost seems to have been found again. suddenly i feel beautiful when i am around him, i feel appritiated and considered and cared for - but i guess the most important part is that he makes me feel beaufitul. i don't just mean physically beautiful, although he certainly does do that - i mean that he makes me feel like i am an emotionally, intellectually, spirtually beautiful person. and it isn't as if i don't feel like i am those things when he is not around - but he magnifies the feeling in a way that no one else ever has. it really shines through that he sees something in me that makes him want to make me happy with no alterior motives, no selfish reasons, so expectations. everyone should be that lucky.
i still don't know if it will feel right to be back "together" as boyfriend and girlfriend again - but i do know that i am truly, honestly happy to spend time with him again. we shall see what happens - for now i could not be happier with the situation.