BSG Christmas Special Picspam, Part II
Here is part II of my BSG Christmas Special Picspam! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!
You can find part I here
Also, if you would like to see how Laura and Tom Zarek bonded during this time period, you can check out this picspam
Same spoiler warning applies (everything up to Unfinished Business)
Previously on BSG: The Cylons threatened Christmas. Chief and Sam tried to spread some pyrotechnic and alcoholic Christmas cheer. Saul and Laura were pissed off. Bill was lonely and played with his model vipers. And Lee's fattiness started to get out of control. And now for Part II of the BSG Christmas Special!
ETA: I lied in part one, the Galactica/Pegasus Christmas party will happen in part III. Hopefully I didn't just ruin this for you all. LOL
A few days later, D’Anna spoke at the New Caprican Police Graduation ceremony
D’Anna: Greetings pathetic humans! I’m D’Anna Biers - some of you may remember me from that one time I infiltrated the fleet and filmed a documentary aboard Galactica. Good times! Feel free to slow clap me at any time during this speech
Audience member: Who does she think she is, Laura Roslin? We don’t just slow clap anybody!
D’Anna: Who said that? Shut the frak up! Listen, humans, you have a very important job here on New Caprica. It is your duty to shut down any Christmas shenanigans you see and to arrest any humans we tell you to. Any. So if we tell you to arrest Laura Roslin, you’ll frakking do it.
Audience Member: Wait, no one said anything about arresting HER. I want out!
Audience Member 2: Yeah, you said all we had to do was wear these face masks and we’d get Christmas candy! This is a rip off!
Fortunately, before this situation could spiral out of control, Duck blew up the hall and thus brought the graduation ceremony to a close. Of course, this explosion meant that Laura Roslin was once again arrested. It was pretty much like clockwork
Laura: *Le sigh. This frakking sucks. I swear, I am going to kill the next person that comes through that door.*
Baltar: Peek a boo!
Laura: heh. Excellent. I can scare the frakker to death
Baltar: Erm... hi, Laura. I brought you this uncomfortable metal chair to sit in!
Laura: Wow. How thoughtful.
Baltar: Thanks, I thought so.
Laura: I'm going to pull this chair over with my foot and somehow make this look oddly hot. I'm awesome that way.
Baltar: And look, I brought your glasses too!
Laura: Wow, that is so great. I’ll just forgive everything you’ve ever done now!
Baltar: Oh wow, REALLY? Well, that is unexpected! How delightful!
Laura: No, idiot. I don’t frakking forgive you.
Baltar: Well there’s no need for sarcasm. I just came to ask how you are
Laura: How am I. HOW AM I?
Baltar: Uh...
Laura: Zeus on a frakking cracker, I’ll tell you how I am, you little weasel! I’m stuck on a cylon occupied frozen wasteland of a planet because you were stupid enough to settle here in the first place and the fleet was stupid enough to vote for you in the first place and your combined stupidity cost me my job! And now I live in a tent and Bill frakking left me here and I get to hang out in a cell with mice on a weekly basis and you are ruining my ship with your debauchery and when Bill finally comes back to rescue me I am going to frakking airlock you!
Baltar: Uh, ok. Glad you aren’t repressing things. I came here to make a deal with you actually. I want to help you!
Laura: You can help yourself right out an airlock
Baltar: Look Laura, we need to talk about this Christmas thing.
Laura; What about it?
Baltar: Well your stupid little made up holiday is upsetting the Cylons
Laura: I didn’t frakking make it up and my current job description basically boils down to upsetting the cylons, so I don’t see what the problem is here
Baltar: Look, if you tell people not to bother with Christmas then the Cylons might start being nicer to people! And I may have already told the Cylons that nobody would be celebrating it this year since it’s a stupid made up holiday and now people are celebrating it and I’m going to look rather foolish!
Laura: So this is all about you? As usual?
Baltar: No, no, no. Well, yes it is about me, but it’s about all of us really! We’re all connected as members of humanity!
Laura: I think you forfeited your membership a while ago.
Baltar: Ok, then, good talk. Jolly good. So I’ll just let you be on your way and you can start telling all those people to lay off the Christmas thing! Ok.
Laura: Yeah, actually I plan on having the biggest Christmas celebration of all frakking time now. You won’t be able to escape the festivity!
Baltar: Laura be reasonable!
Laura: Merry frakking Christmas Baltar.
Back over at the Stockholm Syndrome Villas, Leoben upped the creepy factor by 10000
Leoben: Hi, honey! I brought you a Christmas present!
Kara: What the frak
Leoben: It’s a kid for you! Hooray! It’s our kid actually, from that one time Simon harvested your ova. Good times! We have some great genes, huh?
Kara: ZOMGSWTFZEUSONACRACKER???!!
Leoben: Why the long face darling? I thought all women wanted a baby!
Kara: FRAK OFF YOU CHAUVINISTIC TOASTER!
Leoben: All righty, I’ll just leave you girls to get acquainted! Laters!
Kara: Don’t leave me here with this thing! I’m not a babysitter! Gods, I am really in need of a Christmas miracle. For reals. Any second now. That would be great.
Up on Galactica, Bill finally came up with a Rescue plan
Bill: All right, listen up people. I am going to tell you about my brilliant rescue plan now. So the plan is: We all go back to New Caprica, kick some cylon ass, and save humanity.
Dee: Seriously? That’s the plan?
Kat: Wait, there’s more! If I may sir?
Bill: Yeah, knock yourself out
Kat: So we go back and Galactica is going to careen through the atmosphere and catch on FIRE. It’ll look really impressive. And then the vipers will fly out and BLOW SHIT UP. And Galactica will jump back INTO SPACE and wait for everyone to get off the planet. While KILLING TOASTERS, of course. And stuff will be on fire. FIRE.
Dee: Uh... that sounds hazardous. Who will put the fires out?
Kat: Who cares about that it will look AWESOME. Come on, we have a pyrotechnic show built into the rescue plan! It’s GREAT!
Helo: This is my skeptical face. But I love the Old Man, so whatever he says goes. Let’s go set Galactica on fire! I’ll organize a fire extinguisher class before we do this thing though, for the people who will be on Galactica. Cause I’ll be on Pegasus right? Where there are no fires? Ok.
Dude: Hey Lee, get off that table you’re going to break it
Lee: Shut up! Who the frak are you, bald guy?
Bill: Helo, the inside of the ship won’t be on fire. The outside will catch on fire because we’ll be coming through the atmosphere...
Crew: blank stares
Bill: Ok, do any of you know anything about physics? Aerospace dynamics? Engineering? Flying? Anything at all?
Kat: I know which buttons to push to make my viper work
Dee: I know how to patch calls through on the comm system
Helo: I can read maps
Lee: nom nom nom. Ho ho ho! I don't know why, I feel compelled to say that. nom nom.
Bill: Frak me. I wonder if I can just lobotomize myself.
Bill spent another hour explaining his plan to everyone and everyone finally got on board with it and proceeded to spontaneously slow clap Bill as he is awesome
Over at the Cylon Detention Center, Boomer and Caprica were hanging out
Caprica: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bell swing and jingle bell something. Snowing and something and something of flair
Boomer: It isn’t flair! God, will you shut up with the songs already?
Caprica: Quit being a grouch, it’s Christmas!
Boomer: A human holiday
Caprica: Well I LOVE humans so I am going to try to love their holidays too! The songs are really addicting though. Deck the hall with plows of holly, lalalala la la la laaaaa
Boomer: Shut up!! And it isn’t plows, that doesn’t make sense!
Caprica: Boomer, you really need to get into the Christmas spirit! I mean, look at all those humans being arrested. If that doesn’t put you in the holiday spirit I don’t know what will!
Boomer: I thought you LOVED humans, how can you be happy seeing them arrested?
Caprica: Oh well those humans are heathen rabble rousers who need to be taught a lesson. And they are less aesthetically pleasing than other humans, so there you go. We’ll teach those humans to be less than spectacularly good looking!
Boomer: Rocking around, the Christmas tree...
Caprica: HA! You are in the Christmas spirit!
Boomer: Dammit. These songs really ARE addicting!
In the Underground Bunker of Resistance, Chief, Sam, and Saul finally got some good news
Chief: Hey this computer is beeping at me
Sam: Is it a bomb’s about to go off bleep or an incoming message beep?
Chief: Uh, incoming message! Hey, it’s totally Galactica!
Saul: Well read it!
Chief: Ok, it says: “Greetings people, this is the Admiral. How is Laura? Send me some tactical info so I can come rescue Laura and the rest of you too. Try to stay in the Christmas spirit cause I am coming to town to blow some crap up and be epically reunited with Laura. Peace out, Adama”
Saul: Well that’s more like it! Operation Santa is underway
Chief: You named this Operation Santa?
Saul: It was Laura’s idea to further piss of the Cylons since they are anti-Christmas. Besides, this will fool the cylons into thinking we’re all just carrying on about Christmas and not about Bill coming to blow up some toasters.
Chief: I still think it’s a capitalist holiday. Oh, the Admiral also included a Christmas card for Laura. It has a snowman on it.
Sam: Aww! That's so CUTE.
Saul: WTF Sam. And don't read that card! I made the mistake of reading a note he wrote her once since it uh, fell open, and it was traumatic. Though if that description was accurate then Bill is a lucky bastard.
Chief: What do you mean? The Admiral only ever sends Madam Prez official memos concerning fleet business.
Saul: Uh, sure Chief. It was totally professional.
Chief: Well of course it was! All interactions between the Admiral and our former President were completely professional at all times. All of them.
Chief: For instance, they always respect each other's personal space.
Chief: Yep, no personal space violations, at all. Nope
Chief: Whoa, Commander, watch out, you look like you're about to fall out of your chair and onto the President!
Laura: What?
Bill: Chief, why don't you just stick to reading your boring report, ok? grumble grumble
Saul: Is he on drugs?
Sam: Nah, he was just traumatized by TMI on Kobol. I mean, everyone knows they are fra..
Chief: WOW I THINK THE COMPUTER IS BEEPING AGAIN, NOPE FALSE ALARM. HAHA. I'M TALKING LOUDLY FOR NO REASON. HEY LET'S SING SOME CHRISTMAS SONGS! RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER, EVERYBODY NOW!
D’Anna however, wasn’t prepared to go down with out a fight.
D’Anna: You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch...
Oracle Lady: Singing Christmas songs? What would the other toasters say?
D’Anna: It’s an anti-Christmas protest song. Christmas is not going to happen on my watch lady
Oracle Lady: Thanks to my crazy chamalla intake, I can tell you that you will discover the true meaning of Christmas soon
D’Anna: Whatev fool, that’s not gonna happen. I actually just came to ask you if Laura will ever admit she likes me
Oracle Lady: No
D’Anna: Well, by no do you mean no in the immediate future but yes in the distant future?
Oracle Lady: By no I mean no. Like, never. Not gonna happen
D’Anna: Well frak you, stupid human oracle! What do you know?
Oracle Lady: Merry Christmas dear. Want some Chamalla Christmas Snacks for the road? Patented by Laura Roslin
D’Anna: ..... I’ll take 3. But they aren’t Christmas snacks!
Next Time on BSG: The crews of Galactica and Pegasus will actually have a Christmas party. Doc Cottle explains the meaning of Christmas to D'Anna. Chief gets a new member for his Platonic A/R Shippers Club. Laura meets with the Resistance. And Lee discovers his true calling in life.
You can find part I here
Also, if you would like to see how Laura and Tom Zarek bonded during this time period, you can check out this picspam
Same spoiler warning applies (everything up to Unfinished Business)
Previously on BSG: The Cylons threatened Christmas. Chief and Sam tried to spread some pyrotechnic and alcoholic Christmas cheer. Saul and Laura were pissed off. Bill was lonely and played with his model vipers. And Lee's fattiness started to get out of control. And now for Part II of the BSG Christmas Special!
ETA: I lied in part one, the Galactica/Pegasus Christmas party will happen in part III. Hopefully I didn't just ruin this for you all. LOL
A few days later, D’Anna spoke at the New Caprican Police Graduation ceremony
D’Anna: Greetings pathetic humans! I’m D’Anna Biers - some of you may remember me from that one time I infiltrated the fleet and filmed a documentary aboard Galactica. Good times! Feel free to slow clap me at any time during this speech
Audience member: Who does she think she is, Laura Roslin? We don’t just slow clap anybody!
D’Anna: Who said that? Shut the frak up! Listen, humans, you have a very important job here on New Caprica. It is your duty to shut down any Christmas shenanigans you see and to arrest any humans we tell you to. Any. So if we tell you to arrest Laura Roslin, you’ll frakking do it.
Audience Member: Wait, no one said anything about arresting HER. I want out!
Audience Member 2: Yeah, you said all we had to do was wear these face masks and we’d get Christmas candy! This is a rip off!
Fortunately, before this situation could spiral out of control, Duck blew up the hall and thus brought the graduation ceremony to a close. Of course, this explosion meant that Laura Roslin was once again arrested. It was pretty much like clockwork
Laura: *Le sigh. This frakking sucks. I swear, I am going to kill the next person that comes through that door.*
Baltar: Peek a boo!
Laura: heh. Excellent. I can scare the frakker to death
Baltar: Erm... hi, Laura. I brought you this uncomfortable metal chair to sit in!
Laura: Wow. How thoughtful.
Baltar: Thanks, I thought so.
Laura: I'm going to pull this chair over with my foot and somehow make this look oddly hot. I'm awesome that way.
Baltar: And look, I brought your glasses too!
Laura: Wow, that is so great. I’ll just forgive everything you’ve ever done now!
Baltar: Oh wow, REALLY? Well, that is unexpected! How delightful!
Laura: No, idiot. I don’t frakking forgive you.
Baltar: Well there’s no need for sarcasm. I just came to ask how you are
Laura: How am I. HOW AM I?
Baltar: Uh...
Laura: Zeus on a frakking cracker, I’ll tell you how I am, you little weasel! I’m stuck on a cylon occupied frozen wasteland of a planet because you were stupid enough to settle here in the first place and the fleet was stupid enough to vote for you in the first place and your combined stupidity cost me my job! And now I live in a tent and Bill frakking left me here and I get to hang out in a cell with mice on a weekly basis and you are ruining my ship with your debauchery and when Bill finally comes back to rescue me I am going to frakking airlock you!
Baltar: Uh, ok. Glad you aren’t repressing things. I came here to make a deal with you actually. I want to help you!
Laura: You can help yourself right out an airlock
Baltar: Look Laura, we need to talk about this Christmas thing.
Laura; What about it?
Baltar: Well your stupid little made up holiday is upsetting the Cylons
Laura: I didn’t frakking make it up and my current job description basically boils down to upsetting the cylons, so I don’t see what the problem is here
Baltar: Look, if you tell people not to bother with Christmas then the Cylons might start being nicer to people! And I may have already told the Cylons that nobody would be celebrating it this year since it’s a stupid made up holiday and now people are celebrating it and I’m going to look rather foolish!
Laura: So this is all about you? As usual?
Baltar: No, no, no. Well, yes it is about me, but it’s about all of us really! We’re all connected as members of humanity!
Laura: I think you forfeited your membership a while ago.
Baltar: Ok, then, good talk. Jolly good. So I’ll just let you be on your way and you can start telling all those people to lay off the Christmas thing! Ok.
Laura: Yeah, actually I plan on having the biggest Christmas celebration of all frakking time now. You won’t be able to escape the festivity!
Baltar: Laura be reasonable!
Laura: Merry frakking Christmas Baltar.
Back over at the Stockholm Syndrome Villas, Leoben upped the creepy factor by 10000
Leoben: Hi, honey! I brought you a Christmas present!
Kara: What the frak
Leoben: It’s a kid for you! Hooray! It’s our kid actually, from that one time Simon harvested your ova. Good times! We have some great genes, huh?
Kara: ZOMGSWTFZEUSONACRACKER???!!
Leoben: Why the long face darling? I thought all women wanted a baby!
Kara: FRAK OFF YOU CHAUVINISTIC TOASTER!
Leoben: All righty, I’ll just leave you girls to get acquainted! Laters!
Kara: Don’t leave me here with this thing! I’m not a babysitter! Gods, I am really in need of a Christmas miracle. For reals. Any second now. That would be great.
Up on Galactica, Bill finally came up with a Rescue plan
Bill: All right, listen up people. I am going to tell you about my brilliant rescue plan now. So the plan is: We all go back to New Caprica, kick some cylon ass, and save humanity.
Dee: Seriously? That’s the plan?
Kat: Wait, there’s more! If I may sir?
Bill: Yeah, knock yourself out
Kat: So we go back and Galactica is going to careen through the atmosphere and catch on FIRE. It’ll look really impressive. And then the vipers will fly out and BLOW SHIT UP. And Galactica will jump back INTO SPACE and wait for everyone to get off the planet. While KILLING TOASTERS, of course. And stuff will be on fire. FIRE.
Dee: Uh... that sounds hazardous. Who will put the fires out?
Kat: Who cares about that it will look AWESOME. Come on, we have a pyrotechnic show built into the rescue plan! It’s GREAT!
Helo: This is my skeptical face. But I love the Old Man, so whatever he says goes. Let’s go set Galactica on fire! I’ll organize a fire extinguisher class before we do this thing though, for the people who will be on Galactica. Cause I’ll be on Pegasus right? Where there are no fires? Ok.
Dude: Hey Lee, get off that table you’re going to break it
Lee: Shut up! Who the frak are you, bald guy?
Bill: Helo, the inside of the ship won’t be on fire. The outside will catch on fire because we’ll be coming through the atmosphere...
Crew: blank stares
Bill: Ok, do any of you know anything about physics? Aerospace dynamics? Engineering? Flying? Anything at all?
Kat: I know which buttons to push to make my viper work
Dee: I know how to patch calls through on the comm system
Helo: I can read maps
Lee: nom nom nom. Ho ho ho! I don't know why, I feel compelled to say that. nom nom.
Bill: Frak me. I wonder if I can just lobotomize myself.
Bill spent another hour explaining his plan to everyone and everyone finally got on board with it and proceeded to spontaneously slow clap Bill as he is awesome
Over at the Cylon Detention Center, Boomer and Caprica were hanging out
Caprica: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bell swing and jingle bell something. Snowing and something and something of flair
Boomer: It isn’t flair! God, will you shut up with the songs already?
Caprica: Quit being a grouch, it’s Christmas!
Boomer: A human holiday
Caprica: Well I LOVE humans so I am going to try to love their holidays too! The songs are really addicting though. Deck the hall with plows of holly, lalalala la la la laaaaa
Boomer: Shut up!! And it isn’t plows, that doesn’t make sense!
Caprica: Boomer, you really need to get into the Christmas spirit! I mean, look at all those humans being arrested. If that doesn’t put you in the holiday spirit I don’t know what will!
Boomer: I thought you LOVED humans, how can you be happy seeing them arrested?
Caprica: Oh well those humans are heathen rabble rousers who need to be taught a lesson. And they are less aesthetically pleasing than other humans, so there you go. We’ll teach those humans to be less than spectacularly good looking!
Boomer: Rocking around, the Christmas tree...
Caprica: HA! You are in the Christmas spirit!
Boomer: Dammit. These songs really ARE addicting!
In the Underground Bunker of Resistance, Chief, Sam, and Saul finally got some good news
Chief: Hey this computer is beeping at me
Sam: Is it a bomb’s about to go off bleep or an incoming message beep?
Chief: Uh, incoming message! Hey, it’s totally Galactica!
Saul: Well read it!
Chief: Ok, it says: “Greetings people, this is the Admiral. How is Laura? Send me some tactical info so I can come rescue Laura and the rest of you too. Try to stay in the Christmas spirit cause I am coming to town to blow some crap up and be epically reunited with Laura. Peace out, Adama”
Saul: Well that’s more like it! Operation Santa is underway
Chief: You named this Operation Santa?
Saul: It was Laura’s idea to further piss of the Cylons since they are anti-Christmas. Besides, this will fool the cylons into thinking we’re all just carrying on about Christmas and not about Bill coming to blow up some toasters.
Chief: I still think it’s a capitalist holiday. Oh, the Admiral also included a Christmas card for Laura. It has a snowman on it.
Sam: Aww! That's so CUTE.
Saul: WTF Sam. And don't read that card! I made the mistake of reading a note he wrote her once since it uh, fell open, and it was traumatic. Though if that description was accurate then Bill is a lucky bastard.
Chief: What do you mean? The Admiral only ever sends Madam Prez official memos concerning fleet business.
Saul: Uh, sure Chief. It was totally professional.
Chief: Well of course it was! All interactions between the Admiral and our former President were completely professional at all times. All of them.
Chief: For instance, they always respect each other's personal space.
Chief: Yep, no personal space violations, at all. Nope
Chief: Whoa, Commander, watch out, you look like you're about to fall out of your chair and onto the President!
Laura: What?
Bill: Chief, why don't you just stick to reading your boring report, ok? grumble grumble
Saul: Is he on drugs?
Sam: Nah, he was just traumatized by TMI on Kobol. I mean, everyone knows they are fra..
Chief: WOW I THINK THE COMPUTER IS BEEPING AGAIN, NOPE FALSE ALARM. HAHA. I'M TALKING LOUDLY FOR NO REASON. HEY LET'S SING SOME CHRISTMAS SONGS! RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER, EVERYBODY NOW!
D’Anna however, wasn’t prepared to go down with out a fight.
D’Anna: You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch...
Oracle Lady: Singing Christmas songs? What would the other toasters say?
D’Anna: It’s an anti-Christmas protest song. Christmas is not going to happen on my watch lady
Oracle Lady: Thanks to my crazy chamalla intake, I can tell you that you will discover the true meaning of Christmas soon
D’Anna: Whatev fool, that’s not gonna happen. I actually just came to ask you if Laura will ever admit she likes me
Oracle Lady: No
D’Anna: Well, by no do you mean no in the immediate future but yes in the distant future?
Oracle Lady: By no I mean no. Like, never. Not gonna happen
D’Anna: Well frak you, stupid human oracle! What do you know?
Oracle Lady: Merry Christmas dear. Want some Chamalla Christmas Snacks for the road? Patented by Laura Roslin
D’Anna: ..... I’ll take 3. But they aren’t Christmas snacks!
Next Time on BSG: The crews of Galactica and Pegasus will actually have a Christmas party. Doc Cottle explains the meaning of Christmas to D'Anna. Chief gets a new member for his Platonic A/R Shippers Club. Laura meets with the Resistance. And Lee discovers his true calling in life.