(no subject)
I talked to Lee tonight. He was Jen's best friend while she and I were dating. He said that she has a new girlfriend now and that they live together. I figured she'd have a new girl, but the part about them living together really hit me like a fucking brick. I feel like I cannot breathe. All I can think about is that it should have been me. It was supposed to have been me. For three fucking years it was me. And I was happy. I never wanted anything else. But, she did and so I left. And now she's happy. I know part of me should be happy for her. But I'm not. I know that's selfish of me, but I cannot be happy for her when she's with another person living the life that we were supposed to live. It isn't fair. Jen's the one that fucked around, not me. So why should she be the one happy? I sound like a three year old but I don't care right now. I am glad I got to talk to Lee again though. Me and him have always gotten along. We made sure to get each other's address and phone number this time though. I just want to throw shit against the wall right now. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!