UGH....*
I am allover the place today.
Yesterday was a much better day. I didn’t really over-think the whole Steve situation too much. I wasn’t sad. I was more excited about what’s to come in my future and relieved that I was able to go home without having to dread what he’s doing and worry about fighting with him.
But today I am completely feeling at the other end of the spectrum. I am sad. I am confused. I don’t understand how he can be okay with how things are. And well, I can’t talk to him because of the restraining order- and I HAD to get one because the situation was completely out of hand--- and even though I don’t know for sure how he’s handling what’s going on… he HAS to be okay with it. Otherwise, he would have made the changes that needed to be made in order for things not to get like this.
He always acts like it’s ME.
I’m the one who needs to change in order for things to be good && for us to get along.
I’m the one who doesn’t understand what he’s trying to do and the changes that he’s been making are for the best interest of our family!
Really?? When Danny told me that he had contributed $550 towards the vinyl machine I think I just about fell over. Are you KIDDING me?? Then on top of that I found that receipt on his desk dated 6/11/11 that showed that he paid $700 for a new clutch in his car! Yes, he did pay the $140 for Aiden’s day care that week, and $80 of it the week before- but c’mon! He has paid out $1250 in the matter of 30 days where he could have contributed to diapers, formula or maybe some groceries! He does eat you know. And not a little. When I think about these things they DO horrify me, and upset me.
I have given so much to him. In more ways than one. I don’t know why he’s content doing what he does to me.
I would have done anything for him. I put him #1 in my life for 2 years. Before myself. Before anyone else really.
This hurts so bad.
I just want this pain to go away.
He says he loves me. Says that nobody else will ever love me the way he does.
Boy does he have a funny way of showing it.
I know I have to make these changes. I know I have to follow through and go to court on Tuesday and do everything I possibly can to get this restraining order to become permanent. I will never move on or get better until these changes happen, but it’s SO hard because I am still in love with him as much as I don’t want to admit it. I am. At this point I feel like I always will be- even though it’s not the same love it used to be I still miss him and crave some things about him.
I feel so weak at this point.
Like nobody else will do.
:/
Yesterday was a much better day. I didn’t really over-think the whole Steve situation too much. I wasn’t sad. I was more excited about what’s to come in my future and relieved that I was able to go home without having to dread what he’s doing and worry about fighting with him.
But today I am completely feeling at the other end of the spectrum. I am sad. I am confused. I don’t understand how he can be okay with how things are. And well, I can’t talk to him because of the restraining order- and I HAD to get one because the situation was completely out of hand--- and even though I don’t know for sure how he’s handling what’s going on… he HAS to be okay with it. Otherwise, he would have made the changes that needed to be made in order for things not to get like this.
He always acts like it’s ME.
I’m the one who needs to change in order for things to be good && for us to get along.
I’m the one who doesn’t understand what he’s trying to do and the changes that he’s been making are for the best interest of our family!
Really?? When Danny told me that he had contributed $550 towards the vinyl machine I think I just about fell over. Are you KIDDING me?? Then on top of that I found that receipt on his desk dated 6/11/11 that showed that he paid $700 for a new clutch in his car! Yes, he did pay the $140 for Aiden’s day care that week, and $80 of it the week before- but c’mon! He has paid out $1250 in the matter of 30 days where he could have contributed to diapers, formula or maybe some groceries! He does eat you know. And not a little. When I think about these things they DO horrify me, and upset me.
I have given so much to him. In more ways than one. I don’t know why he’s content doing what he does to me.
I would have done anything for him. I put him #1 in my life for 2 years. Before myself. Before anyone else really.
This hurts so bad.
I just want this pain to go away.
He says he loves me. Says that nobody else will ever love me the way he does.
Boy does he have a funny way of showing it.
I know I have to make these changes. I know I have to follow through and go to court on Tuesday and do everything I possibly can to get this restraining order to become permanent. I will never move on or get better until these changes happen, but it’s SO hard because I am still in love with him as much as I don’t want to admit it. I am. At this point I feel like I always will be- even though it’s not the same love it used to be I still miss him and crave some things about him.
I feel so weak at this point.
Like nobody else will do.
:/