I had a good day yesterday
Yesterday was a rather good day. It really was. I was really, really needing yesterday. I still have so many things just hanging...up there....in the air. Pissing me off. Freaking me out.....but whatever. Yesterday was nice. I need to just focus on that day (and those like it) and be grateful for it (them).
First off, my outfit I put together was incredibly cute. I was rather excited about it. See...for a girl like me who has so very little money right now, there comes a time where you have to stand there in front of your closet of clothes you feel you've already worn a million times and do whatever you can to be creative and come up with "new" outfits. Well, for me anyway. I guess some people are okay with just the usual t-shirt and jeans every single day, NOT that I'm NOT a t-shirts and jeans kind of girl (DON'T get me wrong), but I like mixing it up. SOOOO the fact that I came up with what I did outfit-wise started off my day quite well. A sign of a good day CAN sometimes be a well put together outfit. Or when my hair does what I want it to. Or when my skin is so soft and smooth without a single noticable blemish to my hard critiquing eye. BUT ANYWAAAAAY.....
Left an hour and a half before my assessment tests at SDCC started only to find traffic backed up two miles before the 78 hits the 15. It took me 30 minutes to go two miles when it normally would take barely over that for me to get into San Diego!!! Fuuuuck! So I'm freaking out and come to find out there had been an accident on the ramp from the 78E getting onto 15S and this mangled car was being drug onto a flat bed. This car was barely there. You would have thought it had been a convertible. The roof was entirely gone, and the front and back ends were crushed completely. The car must have rolled or been run over by another vehicle (if so the other vehicle was no longer there). Not only that BUT there was a lay down carseat for a baby still strapped in and very visible in the middle of the backseat. I couldn't help but tear up thinking that it was very possible, I would say definite, that no one survived that accident. So incredibly sad.
So I finally get on the 15 and I'm speeding 90 mph thinking, "Great. There's my sign for the start of a bad day." (I know...I should not think like that.) Get to the school and freak out about where to park and then I say, "FUCK IT!" and I park in one of the student lots only to finally get up to the room I was testing in to find that they don't ticket in the summer. Ha! Nice. Mood heightens because the guy is also friendly and doesn't make me feel guilty for being 5 minutes late.
The tests were pretty damn easy and I get down to the counseler's office to get my scores and he whistles and goes, "Hooo! Good job hun." I did pretty well. I was even in the 81st percentile on my arithmetic scores (although I DID take the easier math test) and I was in the 94th percentile for my sentence structure. Yay. Go me. So I am eligible for honors english classes which is so awesome because it is my favorite subject and I am excited to be challenged there.
So then, since I had the car because Aaron is out of town, I had free will to do what I wanted the rest of the day. I decided to pop by dk hair in Hillcrest where April works and see if I can make an appointment. I already had an appointment set at *mary jane* in Hillcrest for Friday but since I was already in town I decided to see if I could just get it done then. I got lucky and there was an opening at 4. Ended up spending about twenty bucks more but I would have spent that in gas coming down on Friday anyway so there ya go. Hung out with April on her break and then the timing was perfect so that when she was done with ber break it was then almost time for my hair appt.
My hair looked fantastic. Incredibly mod, the way Ray styled it. I loved it. He didn't cut off quite as much in the back as I wanted him to and add quite as many layers but whatever. Hopefully I can style it the way he did and then it is fine.
So then I make plans to meet up in Solana Beach with my friend, Tyler, after he gets off of work but that isn't until 10. I don't want to head all the way north to my place and then have to head back down to Solana so I call up my friend, Lisa, who lives in Del Mar, to see if she can hang until I meet up with Tyler. I end up meeting up with her and her friend, Tina, and we head to Tina's house in Rancho because she is preparing for a party she is throwing that night. First, we have to head to The Village Market right in Rancho and I'm freaking out thinking that any second Jim (my old boss) is going to pull up in his big grey suburban to get Kathleen some fucking Dreyer's Light French Vanilla ice cream and then it will be really awkward. Luckily, no such thing happened.
Get to Tina's house. hahaha! You'd think after working in Rancho Santa Fe for eight months those homes there would no longer phase me but...no, they still do. Tina's house was ridiculous and so incredibly gorgeous. It was just Tina, Lisa, and me for a couple of hours and we find ourselves really enjoying each others company. It was nice with hanging out with such girly girls. A bit different "atmosphere" (not quite the right word but whatever) than I normally put myself in but it was nice. I hang out with just males too often maybe. No..actually lately it has been mostly girls. Hmm...rather neat. I used to have such a hard time making female friends. BUT ANYWAY, started drinking a bit and found ourselves having fun even without the whole party thing having started yet. People started showing up and we still quarantined ourselves in Tina's room. Drinking and dancing and screaming all of the words to P!ATD. (I do love them. So hate me.) We were so ridiculously loud but this house was so huge and the wing her and her brother's rooms were in was far from the wing their parent's room was in so that was nice. haha. The luxuries of the wealthy wealthy. By the time I had to go meet up with Tyler I had gotten closer with Lisa and had made a new friend in Tina which was just so reassuring and nice. Things have just been so shitty but with fresh moments like that with those girls it reassures me that I am making a good choice in attempting this whole staying-in-San-Diego-to-live-and-go-to-school thing.
Met up with Tyler at Tidewater in Solana to play pool for a bit. He's very good at pool and I always end up feeling so stupid. I hate failing at things. I do. Maybe that is why making choices like I am right now to stay in CA is so hard for me. I absolutely despise the idea of failure. I never tackled any activity in school that I didn't already feel right away that I could excell at. (Unless I had to....like trig...yet I then surprised myself and aced the class so...hmmm.) BUT ANYWAY, whatever. For the sake of enjoying hanging out with my good friend, Tyler, and also being actually apart of what is going on...I play him in pool. And then I lose horribly. And then that is that.
Oh! And THIS blew me away. So there were these two couples playing pool at a table next to us and then they go to leave. I had noticed the couples briefly when I had come in but that was it. Noticed them enough to know that right away the girls were pretty and intimidating and very likely born-Californians. Same as their boyfriends/friends. That was it though. Well, sending my head spinning and totally throwing me off-guard as I am getting ready to take a shot, one of the girls lightly grabs my elbow and says, "I just had to let you know that we all think you are gorgeous. Everything about you is perfect. Your hair. Your face. Your body. Your outfit. You could captivate any bar. I'm serious." She went on a little longer than that but I was just giggling the entire time in disbelief. It was so weird to have this girl who totally intimidated me telling me these things at random. Really blew me away.
Then Tyler and I headed to Fletcher's Cove for a bit and hung out on the beach. That was quite nice. It's interesting to see the changes in things since when I first met Tyler back in September/October compared to now. I never would have guessed that first time we met that we would be the friends we are now. Very interesting. You really should never assume anything from a first impression. Ever. Not even second or third. With Tyler, he just gets cooler every single time I've hung out with him. So that's neat.
We head to Surf and Saddle to soak in that ONE extra hour that S & S offers and play two more rounds of pool against a couple random people.
Then that was that. We parted ways and I came home and went straight to bed. Well, left a few slightly drunk Myspace comments and messages here and there and THEN I went to bed. Woke up this morning hung over but with the first morning smile on my face in a long time. A very long time. I'm still so scared about so many things, and I know the thrills from yesterday will wear off quickly. I guess I just have to try to hold on to that optimism that such a day ignites within me for as many days as I possibly can.
Nick called me tonight and assured me that when he and I hung out when I come back it is going to be a lot of fun and that I should worry about nothing. Because I am. Because I want those 10 days to be perfect since they will be the first days in IL in over a year and the last days for awhile after that. Nick is so sweet. He really is. I love how he's been looking out for me this past few weeks. Calling most days just to make sure I'm still breathing and doing okay. He truly is a good, good friend to have. I'm excited to see him and all those places and those cornfields and MY NIECE(!) and my brother and maybe even Erica. (Although it's looking like she will not want to see me so......yeah....I don't know about that.) Oh, Illinois. It will be so nice to see you. It's been far too long.
Ryan and I have been talking again. I can't help but admit that my mood this past week has also been slightly heightened in a positive way because of it. He wants to "be there for me". He got/gets really upset when I fought/fight the idea. How does he say things so perfectly sometimes though? And WHY do I listen to him???? I mean, he truly says things in such a way that makes my stubborn mind really breathe for a moment and listen. What is so special about the way he structures HIS sentences that makes me feel that much more at ease and that much more (slightly) level-headed for a moment. RAAAAR! Fuck that boy! Grrrr. Why does he have to be the way he is?! Why does he have to be so...so....?????? I don't know. And why does he have to be so far away? I mean, no. I mean, yes. I mean, GRRRR!
He is an addiction
and I crave him so frequently
but I probably shouldn't
and I need to stop.
(hmmm...Heather....feel the need to throw any more conjunctions in there?)