The Me of Today~
Ahhh... there's a time in the life of an artist, when you start to gain success but... what you started as your daily enjoiment suddenly turns into such a chore? It scares me, that my career suddenly seems more about trying to reach ppl's expectations rather than doing what I like...
Feels a little bit... disheartening...
Because even if you hear praises and even 'fanmail' (*LOL*) ... there's this... bittersweet taste in your mouth about 'ahh I'd rather do this than that~'
I'm tired to logging into facebook just to see ppl requesting comissions and not a single 'how are you today' message... I'm tired of posting pictures of only job-related things, i'm tired to being just 'Ran the designer' and not just 'Ran'...
I'm just... really tired...
of sleeping 4 hours per day, of being late for everything, of missing friends gatherings, of not being told when they hang out because 'you couldnt go anyways'
I'm scared the sales for the original products from my own brand seems to diminish and the comissions for cosplays and replicas seems to increase...
am I losing the meaning of 'Me'? am I not enough? or isnt my talent enough?
I always thought... 'do the best at what you love to do' but now I realize that slowly has turned into something almost unbearable...
when has it changed? why I didnt notice it before? when has this started? why me? why now?
Is it time for a change?.. I wonder...
Maybe is time to change 'perspectives'
for a moment, the blinding flashlights made me lose the sight of my own shadow...
And the friends of today, the former 'fans' that will be the betrayers of tomorrow...
The one in front of the mirror is me, but only recognizable after shattered to pieces...
The bloody knuckles that will paint a new shadow on this walls.
And I will be ME again~
Ran