Rough Week
A little over a week ago I was walking up to an antique mall when I tripped and fell. There was a pot hole in the concrete and I didn't see it. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground. I scraped up my elbow and knee (on opposite sides) pretty bad (even through long sleeves and jeans).
Two days later my entire body hurt. I knew this was normal because a year before I was in a grocery store in Ca in flip flops and I slipped on a wet floor. I thought I was alright at the time but a couple of days later I hurt all over. I went to the ER at Ft. Irwin and they examined me and said that it's typical after a fall not to feel severe pain for a day or two.
Since I already have bottles of vicodin and muscle relaxers (courtsey of my pain management doctor) I didn't bother going to the ER. By the next day most of the pain in my body had stopped, except for in my back. The pain in my back was unbelievable. I stayed in bed for the past week, sure this would go away after another day but it only seemed to get worse. Finally I made a doctor's appointment and they gave me a pain shot (nothing good, only took the edge off). And they ordered an XRay of my lower spine.
The x ray sucked. First of all I had to put on this tiny gown that you put one arm through then loops around and the other arm goes through.... Anyway it was uncomfortable especially since I'm a "big girl." So I did what any woman worried about showing off her ass and tits in the middle of the hospital would do, that's right ladies, I put on a second one, backwards. Majorly uncomfortable but I managed to cover myself.
The table I had to lay on was big and hard and high off the ground. Remember my back is shot. But the nice tech helped me up and covered me with a sheet after he saw me desperately trying to cover myself with that stylish hospital green gown, lamenting that I had not bothered to shave my legs this week (bad back, no bending!). I had to lay on my side and stare at the blank wall and large machines in this room by myself while the tech worked in the back. And for some reason I couldn't stop the flood of bad memories and dark thoughts. There's nothing like laying in a hospital exam room knowing something might be wrong and that you're alone (because your husband is indespensible at work) and you don't feel well. And with my history there were lots of dark times in hospitals across california to remember. Somehow all the exam rooms look the same.
When they finished taking 6 or 7 xrays, they let me get up. The tech was so nice and I told him that my parents were nurses and
I knew the rules, he wasn't allowed to tell me what he saw on my xrays because he's just the tech, not the doctor. He agreed and told me I could come in as soon as tomorrow for the results and I replied, "I'm not coming in unless somethings broken." My back hurt, you have no idea what an ordeal it was just to put on underwear that morning! I'm not doing it again just to hear, "you're fine."
Hearing this he asked if I had any other conditions, I do but not thinking they had anything to do with an xray of my lower back, said no. He flat told me, "I never told you this, but you have a gallstone. It showed up on the xray of your lower abdomen."
I was stunned but I managed to pick up my pile of clothes and shoes and purse and get the the dressing room. It was like a scene out of a movie. Ever feel sometimes that you're in a scene in a movie? That was my scene. I stoically marched off to the dressing room where I closed the door and cried for a minute, then I pulled myself together got dressed and walked to my car.
I've gotten bad news medically since I was 16 when I almost died from Ulcerative Colitis. Now I'm on so many medications and have so many conditions that Dr. House would have a hard time with my case! If only there was a Dr. House, I know he'd see me my case is quite unique and i have bottles of vicodin to bribe him with. On a side note I asked my psychiatrist where I could find a Dr. of Diagnostic Medicine and he told me that what House does doesn't really exist. There is no Dr like that that does what he does. Well there sure as hell should be!
Anyway, my back still hurts. There probably wasn't any bone damage done. It's got to be muscle. But that would require an MRI and I had one a few months back and that was MISERABLE. Over an hour with that machine pressed against me, barely able to breathe. And that was one of those fancy "open air" models. I'm too closterphobic. The Dr. says if I don't get better in a week it might be something serious like a pinched nerve, which is likely since the pain shoots down my legs. But he didn't explain treatment. He just wanted me out of there. If you knew all the "diagnoses" and medications I'm on, you'd be wary too. They always always chide me, "you're on too many meds" like I perscribed them to myself for fun! Every time I call to see a Dr at the Army hospital they send me to a different person, most not even doctors. Then that doctor chastises me for being on too many meds, then adds a med he thinks will sort things out. Army healthcare is some of the worst in the world. If you don't absolutely fight for yourself they'll let you die.
Now I have a gallstone and my husband and Dad don't seem too concerned. I really could have used some "honey it'll be ok, we'll get through this together" crap from Dan but he was like, oh no big deal! I feel like it's a big deal. I have something growing inside hurting me and it's a scary idea. It may seem benign to you until you hear the words that you actually have it and then it seems so large and intimidating. This explains the stomach aches I've been having recently. Who knows how long it's been there? For years i have gotten stomach aches when I ate something greasy. The gallbladder breaks down grease and when you eat too much grease with a gallstone that's when the pain really comes.
I lay down to sleep tonight and just couldn't. I have a stomach ache, and no i didn't eat anything greasy. Baked chicken, baked potato, green beads. Normal dinner still equals stomach pain, maybe they'll have to do surgery. Too many bad thoughts coursing through my head. But writing this out has been a very cathartic experience for me. I suppose I'll survive, after all my husband declined the idea of a suicide pact!
Two days later my entire body hurt. I knew this was normal because a year before I was in a grocery store in Ca in flip flops and I slipped on a wet floor. I thought I was alright at the time but a couple of days later I hurt all over. I went to the ER at Ft. Irwin and they examined me and said that it's typical after a fall not to feel severe pain for a day or two.
Since I already have bottles of vicodin and muscle relaxers (courtsey of my pain management doctor) I didn't bother going to the ER. By the next day most of the pain in my body had stopped, except for in my back. The pain in my back was unbelievable. I stayed in bed for the past week, sure this would go away after another day but it only seemed to get worse. Finally I made a doctor's appointment and they gave me a pain shot (nothing good, only took the edge off). And they ordered an XRay of my lower spine.
The x ray sucked. First of all I had to put on this tiny gown that you put one arm through then loops around and the other arm goes through.... Anyway it was uncomfortable especially since I'm a "big girl." So I did what any woman worried about showing off her ass and tits in the middle of the hospital would do, that's right ladies, I put on a second one, backwards. Majorly uncomfortable but I managed to cover myself.
The table I had to lay on was big and hard and high off the ground. Remember my back is shot. But the nice tech helped me up and covered me with a sheet after he saw me desperately trying to cover myself with that stylish hospital green gown, lamenting that I had not bothered to shave my legs this week (bad back, no bending!). I had to lay on my side and stare at the blank wall and large machines in this room by myself while the tech worked in the back. And for some reason I couldn't stop the flood of bad memories and dark thoughts. There's nothing like laying in a hospital exam room knowing something might be wrong and that you're alone (because your husband is indespensible at work) and you don't feel well. And with my history there were lots of dark times in hospitals across california to remember. Somehow all the exam rooms look the same.
When they finished taking 6 or 7 xrays, they let me get up. The tech was so nice and I told him that my parents were nurses and
I knew the rules, he wasn't allowed to tell me what he saw on my xrays because he's just the tech, not the doctor. He agreed and told me I could come in as soon as tomorrow for the results and I replied, "I'm not coming in unless somethings broken." My back hurt, you have no idea what an ordeal it was just to put on underwear that morning! I'm not doing it again just to hear, "you're fine."
Hearing this he asked if I had any other conditions, I do but not thinking they had anything to do with an xray of my lower back, said no. He flat told me, "I never told you this, but you have a gallstone. It showed up on the xray of your lower abdomen."
I was stunned but I managed to pick up my pile of clothes and shoes and purse and get the the dressing room. It was like a scene out of a movie. Ever feel sometimes that you're in a scene in a movie? That was my scene. I stoically marched off to the dressing room where I closed the door and cried for a minute, then I pulled myself together got dressed and walked to my car.
I've gotten bad news medically since I was 16 when I almost died from Ulcerative Colitis. Now I'm on so many medications and have so many conditions that Dr. House would have a hard time with my case! If only there was a Dr. House, I know he'd see me my case is quite unique and i have bottles of vicodin to bribe him with. On a side note I asked my psychiatrist where I could find a Dr. of Diagnostic Medicine and he told me that what House does doesn't really exist. There is no Dr like that that does what he does. Well there sure as hell should be!
Anyway, my back still hurts. There probably wasn't any bone damage done. It's got to be muscle. But that would require an MRI and I had one a few months back and that was MISERABLE. Over an hour with that machine pressed against me, barely able to breathe. And that was one of those fancy "open air" models. I'm too closterphobic. The Dr. says if I don't get better in a week it might be something serious like a pinched nerve, which is likely since the pain shoots down my legs. But he didn't explain treatment. He just wanted me out of there. If you knew all the "diagnoses" and medications I'm on, you'd be wary too. They always always chide me, "you're on too many meds" like I perscribed them to myself for fun! Every time I call to see a Dr at the Army hospital they send me to a different person, most not even doctors. Then that doctor chastises me for being on too many meds, then adds a med he thinks will sort things out. Army healthcare is some of the worst in the world. If you don't absolutely fight for yourself they'll let you die.
Now I have a gallstone and my husband and Dad don't seem too concerned. I really could have used some "honey it'll be ok, we'll get through this together" crap from Dan but he was like, oh no big deal! I feel like it's a big deal. I have something growing inside hurting me and it's a scary idea. It may seem benign to you until you hear the words that you actually have it and then it seems so large and intimidating. This explains the stomach aches I've been having recently. Who knows how long it's been there? For years i have gotten stomach aches when I ate something greasy. The gallbladder breaks down grease and when you eat too much grease with a gallstone that's when the pain really comes.
I lay down to sleep tonight and just couldn't. I have a stomach ache, and no i didn't eat anything greasy. Baked chicken, baked potato, green beads. Normal dinner still equals stomach pain, maybe they'll have to do surgery. Too many bad thoughts coursing through my head. But writing this out has been a very cathartic experience for me. I suppose I'll survive, after all my husband declined the idea of a suicide pact!