Decisions
I've had to make a lot of decisions today. My head's been running back and forth all day. What should I do? And i think I've finally come to a lot of conclusions. When you love someone, you'd do anything in the world for them. You'd die for them. When you love someone you dont turn your back on them or not talk to them for months at a time. When you love someone you dont continue to run away time and time again. When you honestly and truly love someone you just want to be with them, minus all the drama. You dont not break up with them just to continue holding on (thats a theory not a fact btw). I've only loved two people in my life that much. One of them is lying in a casket and one of them throws my heart back and forth so much I cant even count the amount of times. I keep holding on to something thats not there anymore. Once upon a time, it was there and it was real....so real. And so perfect. It could have been the best thing ever if a little more work was put into it. But its not there anymore. And I've got to accept that. I will always be here if that person that my heart belongs to decides he finally and truly wants to work this thing through. But I cant keep waiting around and not moving on with my life and giving up so many chances for something else to happen. I'm surrounded by nice guys who might be in God's plan for me. I wish I could keep waiting, but I dont think my heart can take this anymore. Because it hurts, it hurts so much that I cant take it anymore. So you know who you are, and if you read this know this: I love you. I will always love you. I would die for you if thats what it took to prove it. But you cant keep throwing my heart back and forth. If you dont know what you want, ok I can accept that. But until you figure it out, please dont give me hope. I want to be your friend, please dont think this is the end of that. But I cant keep hoping and holding on to something that isnt there. So I'm here, but I'm done waiting around for something that might never happen again. I keep my promise to always be here, but I cant do anything else. I love you, but that doesnt seem to be enough for you. I'm not blaming you, ok? But if its done, its done. Just tell me its done. I can accept that ok? I guess I'm done. I did what I said and I deleted all my entries you wanted me to ok? Please just leave me out of all this drama. I cant take this anymore. I love you, but I'm going to go to bed now....call if you need anything or even if you just want to talk ok? Bye.