your work here is done
Summary: Harry kills himself after their world tour.
A/N: I took the day off today and this came out of it? No beta, all mistakes are mine etc. Very rushed, very unquality. And angsty. All friendships, emphasis on the Larry friendship though. apparently i like this stuff? (read: i dON'T LIKE ANGST WHY AM I WRITING IT) Also i should start using my journal more so um, here is me using it. I don't know whether to friend lock or not...
Warnings: Suicide, character death.
Pairing: Gen, OT5.
Harry says, “Here’s to life!” with a silly smile on his face, and clinks his glass against Liam’s the morning that he kills himself.
They’re all happy, at the end of a worldwide tour and still young and beautiful, and the world loves them. It doesn’t matter that they’re all a little bit broken by now, from the flashing camera lights and the taunts from people that don’t even know them because they’re rich, young and famous.
And so it goes how it goes. They don’t look at the cracks (Harry’s shaking hands, the bags under Louis’ eyes, Zayn’s smoking, Liam’s need to please everyone, Niall’s smile getting a little dimmer every day.) They never stop pretending.
“Cheers to that, mate,” Louis says, digging his fingernails into his palm so hard that it breaks the skin. Nobody notices, or if they do, they don’t say anything.
Louis doesn’t want to know which one it was.
--
They have interviews and signings to wrap up the tourand it’s the same old questions that they could answer in their sleep. The interviews ask how they feel about going back home to England and all the boys can genuinely say that they can’t wait. Harry’s quiet, reserved and clingy at the same time but Liam puts it down to lack of sleep and brushes his concern away. They all get like that sometimes.
When they get to the signing they’re deafened by screams, too loud and too much but they’re used to it now. Liam sees Louis wince a little out of the corner of his eye but then he’s smiling, putting on a beam so wide and fake that it looks like it might break.
Liam passes Harry a pen to sign the first fans CD with and the boy says, “Thanks, Liam,” and grabs his hand, squeezing it.
Liam smiles, looking bemused and cocks his head when Harry doesn’t pull away, the fan still standing there, her eyes wide and shining, waiting for Harry’s autograph. “You alright, Haz?”
Harry shakes himself. “Yeah, I’m fine. But, seriously Liam, thank you.”
(It’s just a pen, Liam thinks, and later when his hands are shaking over the body of his dead best friend he wonders what Harry was really thanking him for.)
--
Zayn doesn’t smoke around the boys because they all hate the smell and complain for hours afterwards if he does. He doesn’t mind that much - it’s nice to get a few minutes break away from them when he goes outside.
None of them ever join them, and Zayn thinks of it as his private time. Being in the pockets of four other people for six months is too much sometimes and he savours these moments of peace. The boys don’t interrupt him.
Until, Harry does.
“Hey, mate,” Harry smiles at him, shutting the door behind him. They’re tucked out the back of the signing venue in their break and Harry should be inside mucking around with Louis or playing with Niall but he’s sitting down next to Zayn, and taking a smoke from him, lighting it up.
Zayn cocks an eyebrow. “You picking up the habit, Harry?”
“Nah,” Harry laughs, loud and genuine. “I’m not cool enough to look good smoking.”
It’s a lie, though. Harry handles the smoke like he’s been doing this for years and only coughs a little when he breathes in. Zayn sniggers anyway.
“Novice,” he mutters under his breath, and Harry shoves him lightly.
“You love me,” he says.
Zayn doesn’t say anything back, but later he wishes he did. (Later, he’ll whisper into Harry’s skin, I love you so much, Harry, you’re my brother, why did you leave me, why didn’t you stay what was wrong why didn’t you talk to us was it my fault, our fault, please come back please please --)
--
Niall misses Ireland - he misses the drinks, the atmosphere, the people. He misses the fact that no one really gives a damn who he is, and he can walk around without being mobbed.
But, really, Niall just misses the drinking.
“Let’s go out, yeah?” Niall suggests when they get back to the hotel and Zayn agrees immediately on behalf of himself and Liam - the latter who looks unimpressed. Liam doesn’t bother protesting though, knowing Zayn will force him to go out tonight.
Harry hesitates, which is rare in itself. “I think I’m just going to stay in tonight. Watch some movies.”
Niall shrugs, unconcerned. It’s not usual for Harry to turn down a night out, but it’s not like Niall thinks that Harry’s going to be doing anything other than watching a movie. “Alright then. Lou?”
Before Louis even has a chance to answer Harry cuts over. “I was actually wondering if you wanted to stay in with me, Lou?”
Louis falters, the yes to Niall dying on his lips. It’s quite clear what his answer will be as soon as he looks at Harry. “Er, I guess I’m staying in then. Sorry, Nialler.”
“It’s fine,” Niall says, patting Louis on the back and then he rushing out the door, pulling Liam and Zayn with him. He looks over his shoulder one last time to wave goodbye and meets Harry’s green eyes. The boy winks at him.
Niall gives a delighted cackle and closes the door.
It’s the last time he sees Harry alive.
--
Harry curls around Louis as soon as the others leave.
“Are we watching movies then?” Louis asked, stroking the curly hair just under his nose. Harry is warm and pliant in his arms and makes noises of content whenever Louis’ fingers scrap on his scalp.
“No,” Harry mumbles before pulling away. “I just wanted to spend some time with you.” He stares at Louis for a long minute, and when the older boy is just about to say something he asks, “Why didn’t I ever fall in love with you, Lou?”
“We’d never work out,” Louis grins because they both know this is true. Despite the theories and the speculation around them they’d never be able to be anything more, both too destructive to be happy together. In the end, they would destroy one another. Louis shakes his head and kisses Harry sloppily on the cheek. “You’d break my heart.”
“I’m out of your league, anyway,” Harry laughs, and jumps on the bed, demanding that they watch a movie.
Harry falls asleep half way through The Notebook and when Louis gets up to turn off the TV, and lies back down next to Harry again, wrapping his arm around his best friend he hears Harry whisper, “I love you, Louis.”
“I love you too, Harry,” Louis replies sleepily. Soon, he’s unconscious.
The next time he wakes up it’s to a gunshot.
--
Beautiful, talented Harry Style dies when he’s nineteen.
He gets up at around eleven o’clock and kisses Louis on the forehead, leaving a note on the desk. He goes into the bathroom, takes a gun out of the bathroom draw (a gun that he’d bought two days ago, when he was preparing for this moment.) He closes the door and presses the cold metal to his forehead.
There’s a photo in his hand from the last time he was in Holmes Chapel with the boys as well and they’re all sitting there smiling, completely happy. His Mum and Gemma and Robin are there too and Harry’s smiling when he finally pulls the trigger, the sound resounding in the bathroom.
He dies instantly, his body hitting the floor with a crack just as Louis stumbles through the door.
--
Louis starts screaming and doesn’t stop.
--
Niall gets a call from Paul when he’s had one too many drinks to be properly sober and the phone slips from his hand, crashing onto the ground, trampled under too dancing feet.
He runs outside and throws up.
--
It’s Liam’s job to call Anne because Niall is hysterical and Zayn is unresponsive, not moving, not talking, when they’re shoved into the car by a security guard who looks pale faced and shocked.
He says, “Anne, hello? It’s Liam - I, God, I am so sorry Anne.”
--
“He’s not - no, he can’t be -“
They’re the only words Zayn says all night when Niall comes to him, tears on his cheeks, and tells him Harry’s killed himself.
He’s completely mute until he sees Harry’s body, unmoved, with Louis on his knees sobbing beside it, and then he breaks, words spilling out of him into the air, questions, promises, every thought that crosses his mouth and Liam is wrapping an arm around him, crying into his shoulder and this isn’t happening this can’t be real.
--
When they find the note later it says:
Lads,
I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.
Thank you for the best years of my life, I love you all so much. I don’t want you to think that I’m not - I wasn’t - happy, because I was. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I just can’t do it anymore.
I don’t know if you’ll understand.
I’m sorry.
Love,
Harry
xx