The edge
I'm on the edge but I'm not sure of what... crying, screaming, riping someones head off or maybe just fucking the next person who walks by.
I feel like I'm in the mist of fustration. I feel like I'm doing better in my life waking up and still wanted to live every day. At the same time my life seems lacking, My emotions are locked in when I try to express them to someone he doesn't listen just makes me feel worse for not being able to just live with out analysing life. I lack conversation I mean intellectual conversation not just about what I didn't do over my weekend. I have no one I can talk about the world with the way people are driven to do different things. My mind craves more but so does my body. I've been craving sex like nothing else. I think I just want the feeling of someone next to me. I mean it's not like I'm not having enough sex it's just I feel so detached from everything else. Not that it matters either way. I mean still the sex I'm having and want is just sex nothing more. Which gets me to a new topic. I feel like I'm static in my life. I'm just in school have nothing to do when I'm finish I'm just stuck. I feel so lost. I find myself wish boi where more of my life because i remember the way we could talk but of course that was years ago. I just need someone something. Nothing is really there in my life it's all just a picture of what life could be. I have the guy I'm seeing moving in with me soon but it's nothing more then having anyone move in with me. Damn I'm just lost I wish I had someone to talk to verses just typing all this into a blanck screen as if it's going to give me feedback or let me cry on it's shoulder. Damn Damn this all Damn this feeling this confusion everything is just a mess in my head. How am I supposed to get anything on track in my life when my brain can't even follow one thought. Maybe I'm just smoking to much. I find my brain stuck in the clouds all the time. I'll be sitting in the middle of class taking notes and I'll look down at what I'm writting and have no clue what it says or what I was writing. I can't seem to get control and I don't even know what I'm trying to get control of. I need to get away. I need a new life. I know I need a change I know I need to get out of the dea end routine I'm in but I also know I'll probably never change unless I'm forced to. I mean it's not like I have friends that I could hang out with I'm just stuck on my apt smoking with a boy and trying to get laid every night. I'm going no where. I just need to stop thinking. Fuck now I feel like I'm really going to loose it because as I sit and type this I know that no one cares. fuck fuck fuck now I want to cry but I can't because there is someone around and I don't want him to have to deal with me. So as always I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and lock this all inside. Which of course will end in us both getting annoyed after I don't answer the "what's wrong" question a hunderd times.
I feel like I'm in the mist of fustration. I feel like I'm doing better in my life waking up and still wanted to live every day. At the same time my life seems lacking, My emotions are locked in when I try to express them to someone he doesn't listen just makes me feel worse for not being able to just live with out analysing life. I lack conversation I mean intellectual conversation not just about what I didn't do over my weekend. I have no one I can talk about the world with the way people are driven to do different things. My mind craves more but so does my body. I've been craving sex like nothing else. I think I just want the feeling of someone next to me. I mean it's not like I'm not having enough sex it's just I feel so detached from everything else. Not that it matters either way. I mean still the sex I'm having and want is just sex nothing more. Which gets me to a new topic. I feel like I'm static in my life. I'm just in school have nothing to do when I'm finish I'm just stuck. I feel so lost. I find myself wish boi where more of my life because i remember the way we could talk but of course that was years ago. I just need someone something. Nothing is really there in my life it's all just a picture of what life could be. I have the guy I'm seeing moving in with me soon but it's nothing more then having anyone move in with me. Damn I'm just lost I wish I had someone to talk to verses just typing all this into a blanck screen as if it's going to give me feedback or let me cry on it's shoulder. Damn Damn this all Damn this feeling this confusion everything is just a mess in my head. How am I supposed to get anything on track in my life when my brain can't even follow one thought. Maybe I'm just smoking to much. I find my brain stuck in the clouds all the time. I'll be sitting in the middle of class taking notes and I'll look down at what I'm writting and have no clue what it says or what I was writing. I can't seem to get control and I don't even know what I'm trying to get control of. I need to get away. I need a new life. I know I need a change I know I need to get out of the dea end routine I'm in but I also know I'll probably never change unless I'm forced to. I mean it's not like I have friends that I could hang out with I'm just stuck on my apt smoking with a boy and trying to get laid every night. I'm going no where. I just need to stop thinking. Fuck now I feel like I'm really going to loose it because as I sit and type this I know that no one cares. fuck fuck fuck now I want to cry but I can't because there is someone around and I don't want him to have to deal with me. So as always I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and lock this all inside. Which of course will end in us both getting annoyed after I don't answer the "what's wrong" question a hunderd times.