(no subject)
Dear wildlife of long hollow pike/allen road in goodettsville, TN,
here is the deal, wildlife. if you get in the road, it is going to get ugly.
i am especially looking at you, deer. three times just this past week, you have straight run out in front of my car like you have some sort of a death wish. in fact, in the middle of the day last week as i was traveling along at 40 mph, you just JUMPED out into the road with your antlers and shit, trying to start something. you scared me so fucking bad that i screamed like someone was stabbing me to death in the car, then i sat and cried. i know you are scared or whatever, but honestly, i can promise you that i have had a much more stressful day than you. the last thing i need at the end of my day is a wild and unpredictable deer running out in front of my car while i am thinking about what else i have to do. so next time, i am not going to be so kind. instead of screaming and jerking my car all over the road, i am going to nail you. i am going to do us both a favor and fuck shit up. you get your act together, or else i'll SHOW you who the wild animal is, kapeesh?
and in addition, skunk, i admire the fact that you go out by making everything that even drives near you smell like the dankest of weed, but i can't take it anymore. so you kick it with bambi out in the woods. in fact, send out an "all wooded area" memo letting them know that the road = bad time.
sincerely yours,
Rachel K. Pitt
262 Allen Rd.
here is the deal, wildlife. if you get in the road, it is going to get ugly.
i am especially looking at you, deer. three times just this past week, you have straight run out in front of my car like you have some sort of a death wish. in fact, in the middle of the day last week as i was traveling along at 40 mph, you just JUMPED out into the road with your antlers and shit, trying to start something. you scared me so fucking bad that i screamed like someone was stabbing me to death in the car, then i sat and cried. i know you are scared or whatever, but honestly, i can promise you that i have had a much more stressful day than you. the last thing i need at the end of my day is a wild and unpredictable deer running out in front of my car while i am thinking about what else i have to do. so next time, i am not going to be so kind. instead of screaming and jerking my car all over the road, i am going to nail you. i am going to do us both a favor and fuck shit up. you get your act together, or else i'll SHOW you who the wild animal is, kapeesh?
and in addition, skunk, i admire the fact that you go out by making everything that even drives near you smell like the dankest of weed, but i can't take it anymore. so you kick it with bambi out in the woods. in fact, send out an "all wooded area" memo letting them know that the road = bad time.
sincerely yours,
Rachel K. Pitt
262 Allen Rd.