(no subject)
Hokay,
Well, as some of you know, and probably the least of you care, i stayed home from school today.
I stayed home today, mainly because i've been dealing with alot of crap lately, that i just pushed aside, and haven't even taken the time to think about. And if i don't pay attention to it, it's going to get worse, so i decided to stay home, and cry for about 2 hours. Alot of "stuff" with me has been going on lately, that i can physically handle, but not emotionally. Physical things i can handle, it's the emotional part where i'm weak. All this "stuff" has gotten so bad lately, that i haven't been eating AT ALL. *Wonders why she's went from a size 1 to a 00* (sarcasm F.Y.I for all you dumb people). And every morning i have been puking. The puking has been going on for the last week or so. It's not that i'm bulimic, or anorexic, or maybe it is? But alot has been bothering me, and when i think about it, i either a.) get sick, or b.) not eat. I'm ashamed to say it's gotten to this point. And i'm also ashamed to say that if i died right now, i don't think i would care. I've also started something, that i was very proud of not doing for a while. My mom hasn't caught on. But she has caught on to my eating habits (i.e none). I'm just afraid i'll lose the ones i love, which has happend before, and that my mom will send me somewhere, which she promised last time she found out. I'm scared to death. I feel so insecure. I just want security, from someone, from anyone...
And this is why i won't be updating live journal for a couple of days/weeks. Until i've finally gotten things all sorted out. I will however, be commenting on your journal, and checking comments on my posts as well. So if you have something to say to me comment on here, and i will also comment on your journal. I just won't be updating.
I guess it's okay i puked the day away, I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way...
Well, as some of you know, and probably the least of you care, i stayed home from school today.
I stayed home today, mainly because i've been dealing with alot of crap lately, that i just pushed aside, and haven't even taken the time to think about. And if i don't pay attention to it, it's going to get worse, so i decided to stay home, and cry for about 2 hours. Alot of "stuff" with me has been going on lately, that i can physically handle, but not emotionally. Physical things i can handle, it's the emotional part where i'm weak. All this "stuff" has gotten so bad lately, that i haven't been eating AT ALL. *Wonders why she's went from a size 1 to a 00* (sarcasm F.Y.I for all you dumb people). And every morning i have been puking. The puking has been going on for the last week or so. It's not that i'm bulimic, or anorexic, or maybe it is? But alot has been bothering me, and when i think about it, i either a.) get sick, or b.) not eat. I'm ashamed to say it's gotten to this point. And i'm also ashamed to say that if i died right now, i don't think i would care. I've also started something, that i was very proud of not doing for a while. My mom hasn't caught on. But she has caught on to my eating habits (i.e none). I'm just afraid i'll lose the ones i love, which has happend before, and that my mom will send me somewhere, which she promised last time she found out. I'm scared to death. I feel so insecure. I just want security, from someone, from anyone...
And this is why i won't be updating live journal for a couple of days/weeks. Until i've finally gotten things all sorted out. I will however, be commenting on your journal, and checking comments on my posts as well. So if you have something to say to me comment on here, and i will also comment on your journal. I just won't be updating.
I guess it's okay i puked the day away, I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way...