Apr 20, 2009 13:51
I've never felt so alive and happy in all my life. I lost 2 best friends and it didn't phase me, as I made amazing new ones...I don't want to be around people whom don't appreciate me for me and whom put their boyfriends before me EVERY SINGLE DAY...once in awhile is OK...but every day?
In England I met WIll...my soulmate...we joke about that but we truly are amazing friends and heavily romantic but...we finish each other's sentences...talk for hours...call each other magic boy and magic girl...hes so sweet.
Will is 25 and from Surrey. He is going to Uni in the fall at Bath and I can't say I'm not sad he may find a girl...but that's life...
And I met Josh...Josh is totally different than Will...Josh is a standard British lad. Both the boys are musicians but Josh is into trance like me...I love it...and house...soulful house...aww brilliant! He and I were romantic but ultimately he is still upset over his sex of 3.5 years cheating on him...he's respectful and honest though...I don't find that in the states...ever...EVER. Josh is a footballer and graduated from uni at Sheffield a year ago so he's just working at NHS and living in Northern London. He and I lay on his bed and listen to music for hours and hours and analyze it...and we enjoy each others company.
Yes so I shagged two blokes in England...I dated another...but oh well...I wanted to live it up and ultimately I didn't want to fall for 2 guys...it just happened...I don't see either of them as a future life mate because I am leaving for a year but u never know...honestly they both are so different and amazing...I hope to keep them in my life always...
I love British guys so much...and they both PROMISED to keep in touch and I can already see they will...which is refreshing...I hopefully am visiting in July or August.
I grew up in England. I'm not as impulsive and selfish. I am not so upset about stupid things and I let things go more easily. Its painful knowing I'm leaving behind so many beautiful memories and people...espeically my internship at Global radio...loved it so much...
I used to be terrified of being abandoned or people breaking my trust. It happened so much while I was here by people in the states that I feel numb from it. I now appreciate my friends more than ever whom are loyal...but I don't think I'll ever open up to people the same again...I don't trust anyone but myself and my family now...
I can't stress enough how sad I am to leave...it literally breaks my heart.
I hope I find a love like Aly and Phil...amazing people and I aspire to be just like them...British and all :)...I am going to live with them til I find a place when I move here...only a year at LMU left...sell my car...and crown myself a Brit! :)
You know there are just some places you feel like you fit in...well I never found one...Israel held a high I could never find but I fit in in England...perfectly...I love it so much...why do I have to go...this is a painful lesson having to be so bloody happy and then leave the place that makes me feel the revelation...I'm afraid for what's on the other side...will i change back to my old self...revert back to my old ways? God I hope not...
In a year I'm moving here...I'm saving this year and by golly I swear I'm moving here...then hopefully graduate school a year after for my masters and I want to tour with my group...and be the famous singer I am at heart :P.
Strange Love is getting released soon...this summer I'm spending it at Brett's after my family because I wanna be with my family but awway at the same time and Bret studied abroad here...he's like my brother...we grew together.
Music...my focus...and school...and my family...and England...and my closest closest friends in England and the US...its all I'm gonna care about this year...focus Ilana focus...
Ilana