They always think the worst of you...
They think the bruises on your knees are from the drunk partying you did the night before. You think that everything I do is for the boy in the corner. You think I love drowning myself in your money day after day after day and that I love eating the finest foods and wearing the finest clothes because I know it would mean you would have to work harder and harder each day. I do understand and I want to fix things, but these things you think are more wrong than anything.
My family makes me sick sometimes. I try everything I can to push them out of the water they think I'm falling into, but the truth is they are falling in themselves. I'm frustrated and cold inside because I can't fight this sickness of guilt and trust. Sometimes I wish I were away...far away from all that is heartbreaking. Yes I may sound emo but its part of being a teenager.
They can't trust me to make my own decisions and that...well you know the feeling when you use that tingler tanning stuff...ya it burns like that...or if you got hot sauce on a cut...ya more like that...i cry for hours thinking about you mom and how you do not seem to want me in your life the way you used to when we would eat peanut m and m's and sit on the wooden swing with shula in our screen porch in NC and talk about angels....or when we would go on hikes almost every weekend...the four of us...and wish we had a dog but I was too afraid at the time to have one...or when we would make mini pumkin spice muffins and bring them to Mr. Comer and sit outside and run around the grass...or when we would play with sasha and kiss him till his paws almost fell off...what do you think of those times? I <3 u Ema. Ani Ochevt Otach. Ani Rotzah Shalom Ci Ani Ochevet Otach. Ani Rotzah Bayit, Mishbacha Sheli...Haolam sheli. Tafzeek!
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Jackattack, jackalina, jacks, jackie, jacquelin...
ALL I CAN SAY is that NO MATTER WHAT I go through you are always there for me. It does not matter...you do not care if I am crying hard and can't stand up straight, you do not care if its just to smoke a social cig, eat green olives with blue cheese, or just to sit and talk with our feet sticking out the window of your truck...you do it anyways...i almost want to cry writing this because you are so special to me in every way. i love our hair talks, our long walks, and our boy galks (is that a word lol)...i love everything about you...you know how they say some ppl were meant to meet one another and learn from that person because they are our living guardian angel? well my dear, you are my guardian angel...you are older than me by a year but we are in the same grade and I so you are more mature than me and I enjoy that...i enjoy how you deal with my impulsive, emotional behavior.
Its hurts me to see you hurt just as I know when I hurt you feel hurt inside as well. I wish your dad would grow up and punch himself in the face for letting you go...I wish he knew how smart, beautiful, and dedicated to your friends and family like you are and that you make wise discissions and you are responsible...but he doesn't and he won't give you a chance to show your true colors...and carl and nina...sorry if they can read this but they are acting selfish...taking advantage of what they have wish is theres for no price at all...it makes me natious to think that someone that i hold on such a high pedistool can be bumped to the ground by three people. But I know you are stronger and you overcome all the torture you go through.
I am glad he treats you right because you deserve that.
Some people are strong while others are wise...but you are both...you share my undying love for techno...specifically atb...and even if you did not, you TRY to get me...i love lmu and my friends here but no one wants to make that effort...i miss our times together...
Remember when I ate pinapple and I am allergic and my cheeks flared up? Remember after the rave making our lips go numb and willy walking in on lizzy, you, and me giggling hysterically...remember surprising me at mora the hundreds of times.
You tell me the truth about anything and everything and that's awesome...your open to everything...and I love that about you...and you are not scared of my emotional behavior either;)...which is rare for lots of people hehe.
I guess what I am trying to say is that though my words may seem sticky and jumbled, they mean what they hear...they see what they write, and they speak what they feel.
I love you<3...u r one of my bestest friends...sometimes i think the bestest friend i have...you have never let me down and you never will.
So come live with me in California...we should stop planning it and just do it! Lizzy and i could get a house with you...and kelsey. please!!!!!
<3*lana
My family makes me sick sometimes. I try everything I can to push them out of the water they think I'm falling into, but the truth is they are falling in themselves. I'm frustrated and cold inside because I can't fight this sickness of guilt and trust. Sometimes I wish I were away...far away from all that is heartbreaking. Yes I may sound emo but its part of being a teenager.
They can't trust me to make my own decisions and that...well you know the feeling when you use that tingler tanning stuff...ya it burns like that...or if you got hot sauce on a cut...ya more like that...i cry for hours thinking about you mom and how you do not seem to want me in your life the way you used to when we would eat peanut m and m's and sit on the wooden swing with shula in our screen porch in NC and talk about angels....or when we would go on hikes almost every weekend...the four of us...and wish we had a dog but I was too afraid at the time to have one...or when we would make mini pumkin spice muffins and bring them to Mr. Comer and sit outside and run around the grass...or when we would play with sasha and kiss him till his paws almost fell off...what do you think of those times? I <3 u Ema. Ani Ochevt Otach. Ani Rotzah Shalom Ci Ani Ochevet Otach. Ani Rotzah Bayit, Mishbacha Sheli...Haolam sheli. Tafzeek!
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Jackattack, jackalina, jacks, jackie, jacquelin...
ALL I CAN SAY is that NO MATTER WHAT I go through you are always there for me. It does not matter...you do not care if I am crying hard and can't stand up straight, you do not care if its just to smoke a social cig, eat green olives with blue cheese, or just to sit and talk with our feet sticking out the window of your truck...you do it anyways...i almost want to cry writing this because you are so special to me in every way. i love our hair talks, our long walks, and our boy galks (is that a word lol)...i love everything about you...you know how they say some ppl were meant to meet one another and learn from that person because they are our living guardian angel? well my dear, you are my guardian angel...you are older than me by a year but we are in the same grade and I so you are more mature than me and I enjoy that...i enjoy how you deal with my impulsive, emotional behavior.
Its hurts me to see you hurt just as I know when I hurt you feel hurt inside as well. I wish your dad would grow up and punch himself in the face for letting you go...I wish he knew how smart, beautiful, and dedicated to your friends and family like you are and that you make wise discissions and you are responsible...but he doesn't and he won't give you a chance to show your true colors...and carl and nina...sorry if they can read this but they are acting selfish...taking advantage of what they have wish is theres for no price at all...it makes me natious to think that someone that i hold on such a high pedistool can be bumped to the ground by three people. But I know you are stronger and you overcome all the torture you go through.
I am glad he treats you right because you deserve that.
Some people are strong while others are wise...but you are both...you share my undying love for techno...specifically atb...and even if you did not, you TRY to get me...i love lmu and my friends here but no one wants to make that effort...i miss our times together...
Remember when I ate pinapple and I am allergic and my cheeks flared up? Remember after the rave making our lips go numb and willy walking in on lizzy, you, and me giggling hysterically...remember surprising me at mora the hundreds of times.
You tell me the truth about anything and everything and that's awesome...your open to everything...and I love that about you...and you are not scared of my emotional behavior either;)...which is rare for lots of people hehe.
I guess what I am trying to say is that though my words may seem sticky and jumbled, they mean what they hear...they see what they write, and they speak what they feel.
I love you<3...u r one of my bestest friends...sometimes i think the bestest friend i have...you have never let me down and you never will.
So come live with me in California...we should stop planning it and just do it! Lizzy and i could get a house with you...and kelsey. please!!!!!
<3*lana