musesandlyrics | 2.23. No Doubt lyrics
2.23. And it's so sad,
It's too bad
Maybe I can make you feel better
Oh maybe I'm supposed to make you feel better
Dark Blue - No Doubt
Co-written with touchkitndie
[Follows THIS]
It was true that not many of the guests actually knew what was going on once the alarm was raised that something had happened. All Emma had been focused on was finding Andrew, and he hadn't been easy to locate. She inadvertently spooked a few people, panicked as she tried to find where he was to get to Ali. After she found him and told him, it was like the world tipped upside down. One minute, everything had been wonderful and happy, with everyone having a brilliant time, and then next it all came crashing down. She had done like Andrew had requested and told Evie and Tab what was happening. At least, she told them Ali had gone to the bathroom and had pain and bleeding. Tab hadn't seemed to realise exactly what that might mean, not that Emma expected her to, but Evie being an expectant mother herself knew and paled at just the thought. Emma had to tell her Riley was going to the hospital with Andrew and Ali, and although she probably wanted her husband more than anything right that moment, she understood, and was probably glad Riley could be there for Ali.
The paramedics were just arriving, and Emma stood back, even though they were her colleagues. They rushed the gurney into the ladies room, and Emma swallowed, looking around in the crowd. She just needed Josh, and she kind of wished he was more like six foot eight all of a sudden so she could spot him. Luke was ordering his staff to get people out of the bar, and most people were doing as asked, although there were always some with a horrid morbid curiosity when an ambulance was on the scene. She finally spotted him up near the stage, looking about as bewildered and confused as everyone else. She pushed her way through the crowd and before she even got to him, she found herself bursting out crying as she threw herself at him.
Josh hadn't been close enough to any of the group to catch what had happened. All of a sudden there were paramedics rushing in, and Luke trying to disperse the crowd. He hadn't seen Emma since she disappeared into the bathroom, and when the paramedics went that way, he'd got a sick feeling in his gut. It couldn't have been her, right? She'd been fine. He grunted as Emma threw herself at him, the confused look remaining before he caught her familiar scent, and realised it was his girlfriend. Not that they'd really had that conversation, but he was pretty certain she was. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, and pressed his lips to the top of his head. She was crying, and his heart broke at the sound. It hurt in ways he couldn't even begin to protest, but he knew it had to be related to how much he was coming to care for her.
"Em?" he asked hesitantly. "Are you... are you okay?"
Emma shook her head against his chest. "No," she sobbed, gripping hold of a handful of his sleeve. If he didn't like being a human-sized tissue, he was going to have to speak now or forever hold his peace. "Yes, I mean... no, yes... but not me. I'm okay, just not!" And she was going to have to manage to get her shit together so she didn't look like a complete idiot. "Not me, Ali and Andrew." With her eyes closed, she could still see Ali sitting there, begging with her to get Andrew. Emma wouldn't even know how it would be if it was her. She had never thought about family before, but what if making a family was her world and it was suddenly all in jeopardy?
Josh frowned, wetting his lips as he swallowed. He tried to wrap his mind around her words, attempting to translate what she meant. The paramedics hadn't been for her, or she wouldn't be here in his arms. But she was upset about something, so she must have seen--He felt his blood run cold as she mentioned Ali and Andrew. For some reason Lachlan being shot flashing into his mind, but he hadn't heard any shooting. He hadn't heard much of anything. Josh pushed his fingers into Emma's hair and tilted her head back so he could see her face. He dipped his head and kissed at the tears streaming down his cheek. He was so desperate just to try and stop her from hurting. "What happened?"
Emma went to tell him but the words all choked up in her throat when she thought about Andrew, and how excited he had been over the last couple of weeks at the thought of Ali having his baby. Sure, it hadn't been a storybook scenario and both had been shocked when they found out she was pregnant, but it was like they processed it and accepted that all wasn't as bad as it seemed. Andrew was excited Jamie was going to have a baby brother or sister that was part of him, too, like it was the small missing piece of the puzzle that made him finally feel like he was meant to be in Ali's life. He was made for the family life, and Emma always knew he would make someone an absolutely perfect husband one day. "She's losing the baby," she finally got out and put her hand over her mouth as if she had just spoken the most horrific lie. But like Andrew, she was a paramedic. She knew the signs. That much blood, the baby wouldn't survive.
Josh felt his eyebrows shoot up, and his mouth fall open. He couldn't help it. It was the last thing he'd expected to come out of her mouth. He hugged her close to his side as he turned away, guiding her towards another exit away from the rush of people trying to get out. One benefit of knowing both of Luke's clubs inside and out was that he knew the exits. They arrived outside, and Josh took in a lungful of air. He was desperate for a cigarette, but he wasn't going to light up right now. "Em..." He was struggling to think of what to say, not even beginning to know what words would make her feel better. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He wrapped both arms around her again, and held her.
"I know!" Emma said tearfully, trying desperately to wipe away the tears with the edge of her hand. She stayed in his embrace, feeling like if she shifted away from him, everything would fall apart that little bit more. "He's just... he's my best friend, and everything was finally going right for him. He's lost enough already and she was over three months. It's not just like bleeding and that's the end of it. A tiny baby is in there, with hands and feet. He's going to know that, too. She was okay, she was dancing with him and they were having a great time, but there was blood and... and... I know this is all hard to wrap your head around, and I'm really sorry. I just don't know what to do."
Josh rest his chin on the top of her head, and rubbed his hand against her back. "No, it's okay. You need to talk about it. I understand that. I can't even imagine... I mean, shit. It's a baby, and it was growing. This is going to hurt so much for both of them. But shit... how does that even happen? If she was okay, what changed?" Josh tucked some of hair behind her ear. "It's enough that you're feeling his pain. I think... I think it'll help."
Emma nodded, but now the tears had started, she wasn't sure how to stop them. "I know it seems stupid. I mean, we get called out to stuff like this all the time, every day. But when it's one of your own, and you can't do anything to help them, it makes you wonder how you can manage to even be so impartial at any other time. Now they have to go to the hospital and be told their baby has died. Or is dying." She shook her head slowly. "Sometimes there is just no explanation. Maybe she had an infection she didn't know about, or maybe she was under too much stress. Then, it hasn't been that long since she had a baby before, so maybe her body just couldn't cope. He's going to blame himself... she already is. All she was saying to him was that she was sorry, over and over again."
He cleared his throat quietly, and kissed her forehead. "I hate to say it, love, but if you didn't feel something right now, then I'd be seriously wondering about you. I know some people can switch it off when they have to, but he's your best friend. She's your best friend's girl. How can you not be upset by this? And it's okay, Em. It's okay to cry, and feel pain, and hurt, and confusion. I don't know much, but I do know that. If you don't let it out now you'll wind up imploding. And if you don't stop crying, I'll deal. I can get a raincoat, or something."
Emma looked up at him, sniffling and still trying to wipe her eyes. "You know, you're not half the bad boy you like to think you are," she told him with a small laugh, even if her heart was still aching to think about Ali and Andrew would face over the next few hours. She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes as more tears spilled over. "Had us all lulled into a false sense of security, she did. Nothing can prepare you for this. Even if she wasn't sure about the pregnancy, this is still a shock no parent should ever have to experience."
Josh smirked, and kissed her lips softly. "You tell anyone else that, and I'll have to come up with a suitable punishment. Can't exactly withold sex given the circumstances, but I'll think of something. As far as the rest of the world's concerned I'm a bad boy. You're just lucky enough to see my other layers." He gave her a smile, and brushed her hair back from her face before he brushed his thumb against her face to wipe the tears away. "No, it isn't. And it fucking sucks, and I wish I knew what to say to make you stop hurting. I just think everyone's going to be hurting for a little while. This is going to be a blow for Ali, Andrew, Luke, Leila... their whole family. I'm not going to pretend to know how any of 'em are gonna feel. And as selfish as it is, my priority is you. You're the only one I'll probably be able to struggle to look after. I promise not to duct tape you in nappies."
"I'll avoid any Shrek references," Emma promised, "even the good ones." She felt so tired, realising it was probably the shock of going from a successful party to seeing Ali like that. She leaned heavily against him, her head falling against his shoulder again. She still couldn't quite believe she had fallen so hard for a guy like Josh. She had always just gone along in life and dated the odd guy with a stick up his arse who had too many complexes either about his appearance or his family or his money. Josh wasn't like any of them, and she never wanted him to be, either. He was there to remind her that life didn't have to be all work and while he wasn't someone she would have anticipated falling for, she wouldn't change it for anything now. She rose up a little and gave him a wet kiss, her cheeks still damp from the tears. "I like watching you with RJ, and your family. You don't realise how wonderful you are."
Josh sniggered quietly. "I'll resist the urge to be like him completely, and not ruin the moment with a giant fart. I'll also manage not to eat slugs at dinner." He rubbed his hand against her shoulder, wondering how he'd been lucky enough to score Emma in the first place. He still wasn't sure, and for once he was happy to let it remain a mystery. All he knew was that he didn't actually want to let her go. "Probably best I don't. I still need my head to fit in the door. Do you... do you want kids?"
Emma managed another small laugh at his joke. "Right now? No," she admitted and pointed behind her at the bar. "That in there, I wouldn't have the strength to deal with if it was me. To get excited and anticipate something like expecting a baby with someone you love, and then it's just... gone?" She shook her head, the thought process not doing anything to help stop the tears. "But yeah, I guess I always assumed I would if I found the right guy, and had the wedding thing, and the starting a family thing. People... I believe everyone should have a family if they want one so badly."
He curled a lock of her hair around his finger and looked at her. He was still hurting to see her cry like this, but was grateful she could still laugh at his stupid jokes. "Do you think they'll try again?" Josh couldn't help asking another question. He was still trying to wrap his head around it. What if it happened to Evie and Riley? It had already happened to Tara and Lachlan, even if they had RJ. "RJ was supposed to have been a twin," he found himself saying. "Did you know that? Tara lost one of their babies... I don't know how anyone deals with it, either. Apparently that Aussie doctor's wife miscarried as well before they got Mia, RJ's fated girlfriend."
Emma looked up at him and shook her head. "No, I didn't know that. I... I wouldn't wish it on anyone. How could you not blame yourself for it? What can anyone possibly say right now to them to even ease some of the pain? There's nothing. But the hardest part? Their daughter. They can't just stop processing because she's going to need them. But that's easier said than done. Things like this just shouldn't happen to good people... to people who are wonderful parents. Their baby shouldn't die."
"I know, love," Josh murmured as he kissed her again. "Look, um... I know you probably won't want to make the trip back to Princeton if Andrew's here. Should we... You wanna get a room for the night? Or did you want to go to the hospital?" His eyebrows drew together. "Um, what hospital are they even going to be at?"
"Sinai," Emma said, almost running the route in her head. "She might need surgery. Riley was going, Luke and Tab will no doubt go, and Ali's friends. They won't need more than that hanging around. Times like this, it can be more unnerving than comforting if you think everyone is hanging around wanting to help when they can't. If there isn't chance of saving the baby, the grief will kick in pretty quick. I just... don't know how Andrew's going to cope. He is an awesome paramedic, but hospitals have memories for him. Maybe we can stay at a hotel near the hospital? If anything happens, we can be nearby then, but not invading their personal space?"
Josh nodded, and gave her a soft squeeze. "Yeah, absolutely. We can definitely do that. I'll text Riley to let him know. I don't know that everything will be fine, but it'll--we'll be close," he finished awkwardly.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,645
It's too bad
Maybe I can make you feel better
Oh maybe I'm supposed to make you feel better
Dark Blue - No Doubt
Co-written with touchkitndie
[Follows THIS]
It was true that not many of the guests actually knew what was going on once the alarm was raised that something had happened. All Emma had been focused on was finding Andrew, and he hadn't been easy to locate. She inadvertently spooked a few people, panicked as she tried to find where he was to get to Ali. After she found him and told him, it was like the world tipped upside down. One minute, everything had been wonderful and happy, with everyone having a brilliant time, and then next it all came crashing down. She had done like Andrew had requested and told Evie and Tab what was happening. At least, she told them Ali had gone to the bathroom and had pain and bleeding. Tab hadn't seemed to realise exactly what that might mean, not that Emma expected her to, but Evie being an expectant mother herself knew and paled at just the thought. Emma had to tell her Riley was going to the hospital with Andrew and Ali, and although she probably wanted her husband more than anything right that moment, she understood, and was probably glad Riley could be there for Ali.
The paramedics were just arriving, and Emma stood back, even though they were her colleagues. They rushed the gurney into the ladies room, and Emma swallowed, looking around in the crowd. She just needed Josh, and she kind of wished he was more like six foot eight all of a sudden so she could spot him. Luke was ordering his staff to get people out of the bar, and most people were doing as asked, although there were always some with a horrid morbid curiosity when an ambulance was on the scene. She finally spotted him up near the stage, looking about as bewildered and confused as everyone else. She pushed her way through the crowd and before she even got to him, she found herself bursting out crying as she threw herself at him.
Josh hadn't been close enough to any of the group to catch what had happened. All of a sudden there were paramedics rushing in, and Luke trying to disperse the crowd. He hadn't seen Emma since she disappeared into the bathroom, and when the paramedics went that way, he'd got a sick feeling in his gut. It couldn't have been her, right? She'd been fine. He grunted as Emma threw herself at him, the confused look remaining before he caught her familiar scent, and realised it was his girlfriend. Not that they'd really had that conversation, but he was pretty certain she was. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, and pressed his lips to the top of his head. She was crying, and his heart broke at the sound. It hurt in ways he couldn't even begin to protest, but he knew it had to be related to how much he was coming to care for her.
"Em?" he asked hesitantly. "Are you... are you okay?"
Emma shook her head against his chest. "No," she sobbed, gripping hold of a handful of his sleeve. If he didn't like being a human-sized tissue, he was going to have to speak now or forever hold his peace. "Yes, I mean... no, yes... but not me. I'm okay, just not!" And she was going to have to manage to get her shit together so she didn't look like a complete idiot. "Not me, Ali and Andrew." With her eyes closed, she could still see Ali sitting there, begging with her to get Andrew. Emma wouldn't even know how it would be if it was her. She had never thought about family before, but what if making a family was her world and it was suddenly all in jeopardy?
Josh frowned, wetting his lips as he swallowed. He tried to wrap his mind around her words, attempting to translate what she meant. The paramedics hadn't been for her, or she wouldn't be here in his arms. But she was upset about something, so she must have seen--He felt his blood run cold as she mentioned Ali and Andrew. For some reason Lachlan being shot flashing into his mind, but he hadn't heard any shooting. He hadn't heard much of anything. Josh pushed his fingers into Emma's hair and tilted her head back so he could see her face. He dipped his head and kissed at the tears streaming down his cheek. He was so desperate just to try and stop her from hurting. "What happened?"
Emma went to tell him but the words all choked up in her throat when she thought about Andrew, and how excited he had been over the last couple of weeks at the thought of Ali having his baby. Sure, it hadn't been a storybook scenario and both had been shocked when they found out she was pregnant, but it was like they processed it and accepted that all wasn't as bad as it seemed. Andrew was excited Jamie was going to have a baby brother or sister that was part of him, too, like it was the small missing piece of the puzzle that made him finally feel like he was meant to be in Ali's life. He was made for the family life, and Emma always knew he would make someone an absolutely perfect husband one day. "She's losing the baby," she finally got out and put her hand over her mouth as if she had just spoken the most horrific lie. But like Andrew, she was a paramedic. She knew the signs. That much blood, the baby wouldn't survive.
Josh felt his eyebrows shoot up, and his mouth fall open. He couldn't help it. It was the last thing he'd expected to come out of her mouth. He hugged her close to his side as he turned away, guiding her towards another exit away from the rush of people trying to get out. One benefit of knowing both of Luke's clubs inside and out was that he knew the exits. They arrived outside, and Josh took in a lungful of air. He was desperate for a cigarette, but he wasn't going to light up right now. "Em..." He was struggling to think of what to say, not even beginning to know what words would make her feel better. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He wrapped both arms around her again, and held her.
"I know!" Emma said tearfully, trying desperately to wipe away the tears with the edge of her hand. She stayed in his embrace, feeling like if she shifted away from him, everything would fall apart that little bit more. "He's just... he's my best friend, and everything was finally going right for him. He's lost enough already and she was over three months. It's not just like bleeding and that's the end of it. A tiny baby is in there, with hands and feet. He's going to know that, too. She was okay, she was dancing with him and they were having a great time, but there was blood and... and... I know this is all hard to wrap your head around, and I'm really sorry. I just don't know what to do."
Josh rest his chin on the top of her head, and rubbed his hand against her back. "No, it's okay. You need to talk about it. I understand that. I can't even imagine... I mean, shit. It's a baby, and it was growing. This is going to hurt so much for both of them. But shit... how does that even happen? If she was okay, what changed?" Josh tucked some of hair behind her ear. "It's enough that you're feeling his pain. I think... I think it'll help."
Emma nodded, but now the tears had started, she wasn't sure how to stop them. "I know it seems stupid. I mean, we get called out to stuff like this all the time, every day. But when it's one of your own, and you can't do anything to help them, it makes you wonder how you can manage to even be so impartial at any other time. Now they have to go to the hospital and be told their baby has died. Or is dying." She shook her head slowly. "Sometimes there is just no explanation. Maybe she had an infection she didn't know about, or maybe she was under too much stress. Then, it hasn't been that long since she had a baby before, so maybe her body just couldn't cope. He's going to blame himself... she already is. All she was saying to him was that she was sorry, over and over again."
He cleared his throat quietly, and kissed her forehead. "I hate to say it, love, but if you didn't feel something right now, then I'd be seriously wondering about you. I know some people can switch it off when they have to, but he's your best friend. She's your best friend's girl. How can you not be upset by this? And it's okay, Em. It's okay to cry, and feel pain, and hurt, and confusion. I don't know much, but I do know that. If you don't let it out now you'll wind up imploding. And if you don't stop crying, I'll deal. I can get a raincoat, or something."
Emma looked up at him, sniffling and still trying to wipe her eyes. "You know, you're not half the bad boy you like to think you are," she told him with a small laugh, even if her heart was still aching to think about Ali and Andrew would face over the next few hours. She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes as more tears spilled over. "Had us all lulled into a false sense of security, she did. Nothing can prepare you for this. Even if she wasn't sure about the pregnancy, this is still a shock no parent should ever have to experience."
Josh smirked, and kissed her lips softly. "You tell anyone else that, and I'll have to come up with a suitable punishment. Can't exactly withold sex given the circumstances, but I'll think of something. As far as the rest of the world's concerned I'm a bad boy. You're just lucky enough to see my other layers." He gave her a smile, and brushed her hair back from her face before he brushed his thumb against her face to wipe the tears away. "No, it isn't. And it fucking sucks, and I wish I knew what to say to make you stop hurting. I just think everyone's going to be hurting for a little while. This is going to be a blow for Ali, Andrew, Luke, Leila... their whole family. I'm not going to pretend to know how any of 'em are gonna feel. And as selfish as it is, my priority is you. You're the only one I'll probably be able to struggle to look after. I promise not to duct tape you in nappies."
"I'll avoid any Shrek references," Emma promised, "even the good ones." She felt so tired, realising it was probably the shock of going from a successful party to seeing Ali like that. She leaned heavily against him, her head falling against his shoulder again. She still couldn't quite believe she had fallen so hard for a guy like Josh. She had always just gone along in life and dated the odd guy with a stick up his arse who had too many complexes either about his appearance or his family or his money. Josh wasn't like any of them, and she never wanted him to be, either. He was there to remind her that life didn't have to be all work and while he wasn't someone she would have anticipated falling for, she wouldn't change it for anything now. She rose up a little and gave him a wet kiss, her cheeks still damp from the tears. "I like watching you with RJ, and your family. You don't realise how wonderful you are."
Josh sniggered quietly. "I'll resist the urge to be like him completely, and not ruin the moment with a giant fart. I'll also manage not to eat slugs at dinner." He rubbed his hand against her shoulder, wondering how he'd been lucky enough to score Emma in the first place. He still wasn't sure, and for once he was happy to let it remain a mystery. All he knew was that he didn't actually want to let her go. "Probably best I don't. I still need my head to fit in the door. Do you... do you want kids?"
Emma managed another small laugh at his joke. "Right now? No," she admitted and pointed behind her at the bar. "That in there, I wouldn't have the strength to deal with if it was me. To get excited and anticipate something like expecting a baby with someone you love, and then it's just... gone?" She shook her head, the thought process not doing anything to help stop the tears. "But yeah, I guess I always assumed I would if I found the right guy, and had the wedding thing, and the starting a family thing. People... I believe everyone should have a family if they want one so badly."
He curled a lock of her hair around his finger and looked at her. He was still hurting to see her cry like this, but was grateful she could still laugh at his stupid jokes. "Do you think they'll try again?" Josh couldn't help asking another question. He was still trying to wrap his head around it. What if it happened to Evie and Riley? It had already happened to Tara and Lachlan, even if they had RJ. "RJ was supposed to have been a twin," he found himself saying. "Did you know that? Tara lost one of their babies... I don't know how anyone deals with it, either. Apparently that Aussie doctor's wife miscarried as well before they got Mia, RJ's fated girlfriend."
Emma looked up at him and shook her head. "No, I didn't know that. I... I wouldn't wish it on anyone. How could you not blame yourself for it? What can anyone possibly say right now to them to even ease some of the pain? There's nothing. But the hardest part? Their daughter. They can't just stop processing because she's going to need them. But that's easier said than done. Things like this just shouldn't happen to good people... to people who are wonderful parents. Their baby shouldn't die."
"I know, love," Josh murmured as he kissed her again. "Look, um... I know you probably won't want to make the trip back to Princeton if Andrew's here. Should we... You wanna get a room for the night? Or did you want to go to the hospital?" His eyebrows drew together. "Um, what hospital are they even going to be at?"
"Sinai," Emma said, almost running the route in her head. "She might need surgery. Riley was going, Luke and Tab will no doubt go, and Ali's friends. They won't need more than that hanging around. Times like this, it can be more unnerving than comforting if you think everyone is hanging around wanting to help when they can't. If there isn't chance of saving the baby, the grief will kick in pretty quick. I just... don't know how Andrew's going to cope. He is an awesome paramedic, but hospitals have memories for him. Maybe we can stay at a hotel near the hospital? If anything happens, we can be nearby then, but not invading their personal space?"
Josh nodded, and gave her a soft squeeze. "Yeah, absolutely. We can definitely do that. I'll text Riley to let him know. I don't know that everything will be fine, but it'll--we'll be close," he finished awkwardly.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,645