Guards? Guards!
I mentioned in passing that I spoke with someone named Sparky last time. What I didn't mention is that in their confirmation of being friends with Benson, it was also spoken that I should be doing something really important for my sake as well as Benson's: guard my heart.
This entry will be brief, but after thinking about it for a while, I did say that I knew what Sparky meant, but by the same token and under similar circumstances, I actually flubbed it at one point. Guess who? Caspian. While I did guard my heart, I unfortunately forgot to take note that it didn't fly away, either, and thus disintegrate everything worked for because I crossed a line not meant to be crossed.
Thus, my new journey for the time being is to understand this area. My heart flying away isn't entirely bad in and of itself because it means that I'm free and not barricading myself in solitude somewhere. However, I need to train it to know when it's appropriate to fly, and when I need to make sure that I'm not flighty (no pun intended) like that. I think I realized this when, while talking with Benson, I was handed a question that I could've answered in many different ways. Problem is, most of them were ways that could've come off as mushy and crossed the line that I had no permission to cross. Thus, to buy time, I just cranked this out:
*Your...conversation is very important to this individual. Please hold as he tries to word a response that expresses a desire to help while also figuring out how to continue a friendly conversation.*
I'm not going to be forgetting that any time soon. I've been laughing about it ever since then because it's part of me coping with trying to put everything together.
This is why I was thankful for being able to speak with the president of the college on this to gain some wisdom. Truthfully, I think he's right, especially if he can remind me of something my mother had said during my time at CCCB when I mentioned all the people getting married and what not: "They're getting married because of the sex. They know they can't accept life as a single person, so to take care of that aspect, they get married." From there we even talked about how age factored into this, both now and in the future, and for now I'm content with having a foundation based on this: in order to prevent the logical ends of a guy and a girl getting to know each other, for the guy the best thing to do is to remain aloof and distant, talking when there's a friendly thing to talk about, but not investing time as heavily as one looking to pursue a woman. Unless Benson opens the door, in which case then, I will more than gladly ask if being able to be more is something she'd like to do. Until then, I will learn to guard my heart.
Proverbs 4:23
Keep (Natsar: guard, watch like a watchman) your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
This entry will be brief, but after thinking about it for a while, I did say that I knew what Sparky meant, but by the same token and under similar circumstances, I actually flubbed it at one point. Guess who? Caspian. While I did guard my heart, I unfortunately forgot to take note that it didn't fly away, either, and thus disintegrate everything worked for because I crossed a line not meant to be crossed.
Thus, my new journey for the time being is to understand this area. My heart flying away isn't entirely bad in and of itself because it means that I'm free and not barricading myself in solitude somewhere. However, I need to train it to know when it's appropriate to fly, and when I need to make sure that I'm not flighty (no pun intended) like that. I think I realized this when, while talking with Benson, I was handed a question that I could've answered in many different ways. Problem is, most of them were ways that could've come off as mushy and crossed the line that I had no permission to cross. Thus, to buy time, I just cranked this out:
*Your...conversation is very important to this individual. Please hold as he tries to word a response that expresses a desire to help while also figuring out how to continue a friendly conversation.*
I'm not going to be forgetting that any time soon. I've been laughing about it ever since then because it's part of me coping with trying to put everything together.
This is why I was thankful for being able to speak with the president of the college on this to gain some wisdom. Truthfully, I think he's right, especially if he can remind me of something my mother had said during my time at CCCB when I mentioned all the people getting married and what not: "They're getting married because of the sex. They know they can't accept life as a single person, so to take care of that aspect, they get married." From there we even talked about how age factored into this, both now and in the future, and for now I'm content with having a foundation based on this: in order to prevent the logical ends of a guy and a girl getting to know each other, for the guy the best thing to do is to remain aloof and distant, talking when there's a friendly thing to talk about, but not investing time as heavily as one looking to pursue a woman. Unless Benson opens the door, in which case then, I will more than gladly ask if being able to be more is something she'd like to do. Until then, I will learn to guard my heart.
Proverbs 4:23
Keep (Natsar: guard, watch like a watchman) your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.