It's the Emotions, Stupid!
Last night I should've been able to better vocalize a very reasonable prayer request. I should've been able to just say that here was where I was, here's the circumstances, and that I'm looking to see what God would want me to do so that I could be as respectful as possible. It was very easy, words that anybody could vocalize, but somewhere in there I locked up.
I was scared.
I didn't understand why I would freeze, why it would get stuck halfway between the thought and the air, and how I kind of choked a little trying to squeeze it in when it was my turn to pray. Why should I get so embarrassed about something like this?
It took me long enough to get to the result given the lack of blood through donating for the first time ever yesterday: because I'm scared that if I opened my mouth, I'd gush out and go too far. As much as I recognize that this is a universal thing for everybody, I've a safeguard that holds me down even further before I ever think about approaching something emotional. It's because I know I'm prone to being more emotional than others because of the abnormal level of anxiety that I've always started the days off with given what I was born with that results in an extra ounce of hesitation because I recognize these things. It explains why my first youth minister said that it was like I had a dam built up and eventually I'd want to open up the floodgates and let everything flow.
It gave me a little insight to my own youth when I was growing up and to the youth here in town that I work with, and a theory: a lot of the things that are considered childish or unbecoming of a teen is simply the result of the idea that the youth feels that their emotions must gush in order to be a part of the society they grow up with in their own school. If that is the case, then youth ministry turns into a place where the minister works together with the parents to understand the gush, the root, and how to bring the youth to understand that they can turn it on and off with a little bit of discipline and support.
I will say this much about the plan that I mentioned last time: I didn't exactly get the person I wanted in on this, but it was nice talking to some of the folks present while I was donating my blood. I received some information that was exceedingly useful in determining a few things, so I have a good idea of how I want to shape and approach this. Nonetheless, I feel it would do me the most good to actually go and speak with someone I honestly believe can fill me in on the relevant details that will help me determine how I approach this come December and what I'll need to do on my end to make it work, if all comes through like I would like it to.
I was scared.
I didn't understand why I would freeze, why it would get stuck halfway between the thought and the air, and how I kind of choked a little trying to squeeze it in when it was my turn to pray. Why should I get so embarrassed about something like this?
It took me long enough to get to the result given the lack of blood through donating for the first time ever yesterday: because I'm scared that if I opened my mouth, I'd gush out and go too far. As much as I recognize that this is a universal thing for everybody, I've a safeguard that holds me down even further before I ever think about approaching something emotional. It's because I know I'm prone to being more emotional than others because of the abnormal level of anxiety that I've always started the days off with given what I was born with that results in an extra ounce of hesitation because I recognize these things. It explains why my first youth minister said that it was like I had a dam built up and eventually I'd want to open up the floodgates and let everything flow.
It gave me a little insight to my own youth when I was growing up and to the youth here in town that I work with, and a theory: a lot of the things that are considered childish or unbecoming of a teen is simply the result of the idea that the youth feels that their emotions must gush in order to be a part of the society they grow up with in their own school. If that is the case, then youth ministry turns into a place where the minister works together with the parents to understand the gush, the root, and how to bring the youth to understand that they can turn it on and off with a little bit of discipline and support.
I will say this much about the plan that I mentioned last time: I didn't exactly get the person I wanted in on this, but it was nice talking to some of the folks present while I was donating my blood. I received some information that was exceedingly useful in determining a few things, so I have a good idea of how I want to shape and approach this. Nonetheless, I feel it would do me the most good to actually go and speak with someone I honestly believe can fill me in on the relevant details that will help me determine how I approach this come December and what I'll need to do on my end to make it work, if all comes through like I would like it to.