(no subject)
Friday
Yes, I do know enough theology to know that was blasphemous. It wouldn't have made any sense at all otherwise. Today was very long and boring and sometimes I was angry and felt a bit sick. I think my stomach is no longer terribly fond of sweets. It just gets very uneasy about them. But I am finished ALL course work. DONE.
Wednesday though, Wednesday was kind of perfect. The great Board of Nursing of the formidable state of M was fairly kind and much less DMV (fuck, I still have to go to the DMV) than I anticipated. It also was relatively efficient. I now suspect that the hell of getting my CNA was probably a class thing as is everything in this great nation. Nursing license, no problem, but if you want to get paid even less to do more thankless work that'll be no fewer than 3 hours sat in those molded plastic bus stations chairs that we've bolted to the floor, thanks. Also, if one of you does not kindly furnish a screaming child, we'll be forced to dig one up.
After that was bike shopping with R who I have this long standing low-grade crush on that kind of ebbs and flows (and, duh, I absolutely wanted (WANT) a new bike but I maybe could have asked someone else possibly) and it was just a flow sort of day. I also had this less low grade fear that I'd be really bad at bikes. Like, my folding bike is so HARD, that effort of riding it is significantly worse than running so, why bother? But bikes that fit are amazing. I was like Thai-motorbike happy. City riding is just awesomely thrilling and now that I think of it, R is a much better person than I am. Like, I'd be pissed if someone asked me to take him or her shopping for 4 hours and it involved self-propelled transportation and lots of driving around and kind of almost getting lost no fewer than 6 times in a city we both live in because we can't shut up long enough for me to pay attention to where the hell I'm driving. (Okay, maybe not the end of that sentence.)
She quizzed me on all sorts of things, notably my issues with god (which was not exactly out of the blue so I didn't open the passenger door and push her out as I would normally). Which was incredibly ballsy since she knows I fucking hate that nosey sort of shit. But it was also okay because we're similar enough there (or so she gathered from my awkward sentences) that despite feeling compelled to honesty, she didn't push it too hard. (For the record, I don't have any particular issues with gods or gods, I have issue with people assuming I have issues because I grew up in a religious family and decided to go my own way. I'm cool with the deities, I'm just not into embarrassing public conversations or like, going over their to houses for symbolic sacrifices)
Overall, I talk way too much around this girl and don't actually know if I like that. It kind of makes me nuts and want to deliver myself a swift kick to the vag followed by a, "Wtf are you saying? Shut up." I have a feeling this is often how others feel around me because they are always telling me things and then wondering aloud at their motivations. But clearly it didn't bother me enough that I stopped talking and paid attention to the road or we wouldn't have ended up in a marina. Twice.
I have bike options to explore when my orders hit the shops next week.
Post shopping, R did reiki for me because my period was at me with a vengeance and because I was curious. I've heard mostly positive reviews but then also some luke warm ones (notably from E, who is another crush and also (more relevantly) closer to my temperament). I enjoyed the experience and while i'm not sure what it is actually supposed to be doing (rearranging energy, perhaps?) I do wonder at the body's reaction to another human being generally just beyond the comfortable limits of perception, there's a sort of straining and anticipation to it. I was also nice and chilled out and just wanted to kiss the girl so I suspect interference there.
R asked what trauma had happened to my hands and I didn't have an answer. There are answers I could give but not necessarily more so for my hands. So that was strange and unsettling and set me into a slightly weirded out/rolling my eyes at Miss Cleo kind of place.
Then dinner (new Ethnic food options, yay!) and drinks at the bar with a few partners in crime then over to R's girlfriend's place for a movie. Yes, yes, she's taken, not to worry. I like her girl more every time I see her and I'm just not a home wrecker. Would I make a move with this girl if she were free? Yeah, probably despite our mutual friend who would be pretty pissed at me for it (whole other BS). But I don't overtly creep on people in relationships.
Granted,writing this is a bit of soul-searching because I did spend the entire day with this girl with not 100% pure motives. But she is also my friend and I don't trust myself so little that I'm going to cut out friends because of crushes.
So that's it. Just a really great day overall. I miss days like that when they're too far between, days where you don't need a plot, they just hum along like the better breed of indie film
Yes, I do know enough theology to know that was blasphemous. It wouldn't have made any sense at all otherwise. Today was very long and boring and sometimes I was angry and felt a bit sick. I think my stomach is no longer terribly fond of sweets. It just gets very uneasy about them. But I am finished ALL course work. DONE.
Wednesday though, Wednesday was kind of perfect. The great Board of Nursing of the formidable state of M was fairly kind and much less DMV (fuck, I still have to go to the DMV) than I anticipated. It also was relatively efficient. I now suspect that the hell of getting my CNA was probably a class thing as is everything in this great nation. Nursing license, no problem, but if you want to get paid even less to do more thankless work that'll be no fewer than 3 hours sat in those molded plastic bus stations chairs that we've bolted to the floor, thanks. Also, if one of you does not kindly furnish a screaming child, we'll be forced to dig one up.
After that was bike shopping with R who I have this long standing low-grade crush on that kind of ebbs and flows (and, duh, I absolutely wanted (WANT) a new bike but I maybe could have asked someone else possibly) and it was just a flow sort of day. I also had this less low grade fear that I'd be really bad at bikes. Like, my folding bike is so HARD, that effort of riding it is significantly worse than running so, why bother? But bikes that fit are amazing. I was like Thai-motorbike happy. City riding is just awesomely thrilling and now that I think of it, R is a much better person than I am. Like, I'd be pissed if someone asked me to take him or her shopping for 4 hours and it involved self-propelled transportation and lots of driving around and kind of almost getting lost no fewer than 6 times in a city we both live in because we can't shut up long enough for me to pay attention to where the hell I'm driving. (Okay, maybe not the end of that sentence.)
She quizzed me on all sorts of things, notably my issues with god (which was not exactly out of the blue so I didn't open the passenger door and push her out as I would normally). Which was incredibly ballsy since she knows I fucking hate that nosey sort of shit. But it was also okay because we're similar enough there (or so she gathered from my awkward sentences) that despite feeling compelled to honesty, she didn't push it too hard. (For the record, I don't have any particular issues with gods or gods, I have issue with people assuming I have issues because I grew up in a religious family and decided to go my own way. I'm cool with the deities, I'm just not into embarrassing public conversations or like, going over their to houses for symbolic sacrifices)
Overall, I talk way too much around this girl and don't actually know if I like that. It kind of makes me nuts and want to deliver myself a swift kick to the vag followed by a, "Wtf are you saying? Shut up." I have a feeling this is often how others feel around me because they are always telling me things and then wondering aloud at their motivations. But clearly it didn't bother me enough that I stopped talking and paid attention to the road or we wouldn't have ended up in a marina. Twice.
I have bike options to explore when my orders hit the shops next week.
Post shopping, R did reiki for me because my period was at me with a vengeance and because I was curious. I've heard mostly positive reviews but then also some luke warm ones (notably from E, who is another crush and also (more relevantly) closer to my temperament). I enjoyed the experience and while i'm not sure what it is actually supposed to be doing (rearranging energy, perhaps?) I do wonder at the body's reaction to another human being generally just beyond the comfortable limits of perception, there's a sort of straining and anticipation to it. I was also nice and chilled out and just wanted to kiss the girl so I suspect interference there.
R asked what trauma had happened to my hands and I didn't have an answer. There are answers I could give but not necessarily more so for my hands. So that was strange and unsettling and set me into a slightly weirded out/rolling my eyes at Miss Cleo kind of place.
Then dinner (new Ethnic food options, yay!) and drinks at the bar with a few partners in crime then over to R's girlfriend's place for a movie. Yes, yes, she's taken, not to worry. I like her girl more every time I see her and I'm just not a home wrecker. Would I make a move with this girl if she were free? Yeah, probably despite our mutual friend who would be pretty pissed at me for it (whole other BS). But I don't overtly creep on people in relationships.
Granted,writing this is a bit of soul-searching because I did spend the entire day with this girl with not 100% pure motives. But she is also my friend and I don't trust myself so little that I'm going to cut out friends because of crushes.
So that's it. Just a really great day overall. I miss days like that when they're too far between, days where you don't need a plot, they just hum along like the better breed of indie film