Well, I Don't Really Know Where Else To Put This...
Here it is, almost a year later from my last post. Sort of shameful, huh? Pretty much the same old stuff from last year. Z. is struggling with trying to see his child still. I'm working, but looking for another job (I need more money). I graduated from my MBA program in December and went to FL to participate in the commencement (yey!). I left the congregation in Ambridge since I was out of a car for months (just recently got a new one the end of last month) and joined another one in S.H. Much smaller and with not as many offerings...but nice. And I think the Rabbi is great. Oh, and I'm pregnant - due on 12/20/13!
Of course, my head is full of worry. Almost all of last year, I didn't even come close to conceiving. I started to worry that something was wrong. Maybe so, but I never got any answers. I have short cycles (21-25 days), so it took me 15 cycles to finally get pregnant. Crazy really! But then again I'm not a spring chicken. But I didn't think I was THAT old either...
I first went to the doctor in July 2012. I knew that my periods had changed in the last 5 years. They had gotten heavier, painful and "weirder". I say that because my flow would go from heavy/clotty during the day, to nonexistent at night. Sometimes it would lighten up mid-cycle, only to get heavier again the next day. I thought that I had fibroids...being that my Grandmother had them (+ a hysterectomy in her 30s because of it), and that African-American women had a higher incidence of them. My doctor ordered an ultrasound; which found no fibroids; but a large (like 4 cm in diameter) Nabothian cyst on my cervix. He determined that its location wasn't interfering with conception & I didn't have cervical stenosis (since I was still having periods). But I was sent for an MRI to make sure that the cyst was benign.
The MRI found the cyst to be benign, but also found that I had adenomyosis; which is related to endometriosis. Now I was worried, because endometriosis causes infertility. My doctor ordered an HSG, where they shoot dye through your uterus to see if your tubes are open. My supervisor is infertile due to endometriosis and told me how painful her HSG was. But her tubes were completely blocked. Mine were shown to be open. I left feeling encouraged....especially since many women said that it "cleans out the cobwebs" and they conceive in 1-3 months.
But that was in August, 2012. Nada. In the meantime, I just started consulting Dr. Google. The first thing I started taking were B-Complex vitamins and natural progesterone cream. I found a pretty good response, in that my PMS was minimized. However the next cycle didn't show any improvement over the first. Oh well, maybe it takes time. Then I started taking serrapeptase...which is supposed to reduce inflammation in the body and dissolve scar tissue. I thought that scar tissues and adhesions might be an issue, since my right ovary was seen as being "pulled down" in both my utlrasound and HSG (tube pointed down and the spillage from the dye showed outlines of the ovary). The dose for the serrapeptase was crazy (9-12 capsules a day). I used my external scars to gauge effectiveness. I didn't see any real difference though. I finished 1 and a half bottles. Then scaled back (taking only every once in a while).
In December I started taking an Omega Oil blend. In January, I started on Vitex. All this time, I told myself that I would give it until February and if there's not progress, I would look for a new doctor. My original one wanted for me to try Clomid. I tried going to an endometriosis specialist, but after an interview and exam, said that she didn't feel like I had it, and suggested IUI. No, what the heck? My body is supposed to do this naturally! Now everyone is telling me it will cost thousands of dollars to conceive?
My Grandmother suggested her gynecologist. She was an older woman, but I was really impressed. She also didn't feel that I had endometriosis, but instead wanted to focus on my ovulation. I told her that I used OPKs last year, and they gave an LH surge. But she explained that a surge in LH doesn't always equal ovulation. She sent me to get bloodwork, and told me that she wanted me to chart an entire cycle for her to see. Grrr...I charted last year and it was very, very stressful. Last year, I would see my temperature decline about 3 days before Aunt Flo came to visit. So once that happened, I had 3 days to sulk and prepare for the pain (both emotional and physical). But I would do what I had to do. She also told me to get prenatals and to start taking iron pills again (did this early last year, but never refilled my prescription). I also re-stocked my progesterone cream (with a different brand)
At the last moment I came across some information on bee propolis, and a study on how infertile women with mild endometriosis were able to conceive using it. It was pretty cheap, so I picked up a bottle of the capsules that combined Royal Jelly/Bee Propolis/Bee Pollen. I started taking my temps. I had a tough time pinpointing ovulation since there were two mini rises before a major rise occured. But I was pretty sure it happened. Then, to my surprise, I never saw a decrease in my temperatures. OMG! So I took a ClearBlue Digital test at around 10 dpo (my luteal phase is only 13 days, so the fall should have happened). It came up with a clear 'Not Pregnant'. Oh well. I kept temping so that I would at least know when to expect my period. Still...no decline. Hmmm. Maybe I was in the 20% of women who need up until they miss their period before registering a positive pregnancy test. It was hard, but I tested again at 15 dpo. I went into it feeling pretty good, because other than some mild cramping on 13 dpo, I had no PMS symptoms yet. And it came up positive!
Wow, wow...WOW!
I have no idea what happened this cycle that didn't on the previous 14. In addition to the supplements, I stopped taking Naproxen; which I used to use during my period for pain. I read that NSAIDs can negatively effect ovulation. So during my last period, I opted to take a small dose of Ibuprofen (which is also an NSAID, but weaker) instead. It could have been that. Or the bee propolis. Or none of the above! Who knows. G-d is the one who creates life...not us. So regardless, I can make no claims in regards to this success.
It's funny because I was reading this article which talked about early pregnancy symptoms. I never got in of the famous symptoms...like nausea, or a heightened sense of smell. But I did get several of these! First of all, I had gas. In fact, I was standing in line at the grocery store, and out of no where passed gas...loudly! I was mortified, and honesty sounded like I pooped myself. No one turned to look at me, so maybe it was much louder in my head. Or maybe people are just super polite. I just froze. I didn't know what to do. Do I say "excuse me" in public to a bunch of strangers? Even so, it has never happened to me where I just couldn't control it and it would just let loose out of nowhere like that! The other symptom I had was a runny nose. It's not like when you have a cold. It's like your sinuses start producing water all of a sudden and it runs from the back of your nose, down your throat. Again, it's not mucusy or thick. It almost feels like tears are running down your throat. And the other symptom I had was joint pain. Mainly in my elbows, but in my shoulders and hips too.
Now my concerns move to this first trimester. When I was pregnant before, I was clueless. But I also didn't have any physical symptoms. Now I worry that lack of symptoms mean that something is wrong. Also I've had cramps randomly here and there...which never happened before. But it could also be that I didn't have a diseased uterus before either. Also I'm concerned that perhaps my eggs are old...and that's why I had issues conceiving...and it could cause issues with the baby's development. Who knows. What happens is what happens...but it will be very difficult to go through a long conception cycle again.
In the meantime, I'm very, very thankful and grateful. Grateful to be given this opportunity. Grateful to have G-d's help in getting this little seed planted and started on its way. If I'm given the honor, I can't wait to meet you and raise you. Life is not easy, but we need to enjoy it nonetheless.
Ok, that's all for now....and I hope to update before the baby arrives!
Of course, my head is full of worry. Almost all of last year, I didn't even come close to conceiving. I started to worry that something was wrong. Maybe so, but I never got any answers. I have short cycles (21-25 days), so it took me 15 cycles to finally get pregnant. Crazy really! But then again I'm not a spring chicken. But I didn't think I was THAT old either...
I first went to the doctor in July 2012. I knew that my periods had changed in the last 5 years. They had gotten heavier, painful and "weirder". I say that because my flow would go from heavy/clotty during the day, to nonexistent at night. Sometimes it would lighten up mid-cycle, only to get heavier again the next day. I thought that I had fibroids...being that my Grandmother had them (+ a hysterectomy in her 30s because of it), and that African-American women had a higher incidence of them. My doctor ordered an ultrasound; which found no fibroids; but a large (like 4 cm in diameter) Nabothian cyst on my cervix. He determined that its location wasn't interfering with conception & I didn't have cervical stenosis (since I was still having periods). But I was sent for an MRI to make sure that the cyst was benign.
The MRI found the cyst to be benign, but also found that I had adenomyosis; which is related to endometriosis. Now I was worried, because endometriosis causes infertility. My doctor ordered an HSG, where they shoot dye through your uterus to see if your tubes are open. My supervisor is infertile due to endometriosis and told me how painful her HSG was. But her tubes were completely blocked. Mine were shown to be open. I left feeling encouraged....especially since many women said that it "cleans out the cobwebs" and they conceive in 1-3 months.
But that was in August, 2012. Nada. In the meantime, I just started consulting Dr. Google. The first thing I started taking were B-Complex vitamins and natural progesterone cream. I found a pretty good response, in that my PMS was minimized. However the next cycle didn't show any improvement over the first. Oh well, maybe it takes time. Then I started taking serrapeptase...which is supposed to reduce inflammation in the body and dissolve scar tissue. I thought that scar tissues and adhesions might be an issue, since my right ovary was seen as being "pulled down" in both my utlrasound and HSG (tube pointed down and the spillage from the dye showed outlines of the ovary). The dose for the serrapeptase was crazy (9-12 capsules a day). I used my external scars to gauge effectiveness. I didn't see any real difference though. I finished 1 and a half bottles. Then scaled back (taking only every once in a while).
In December I started taking an Omega Oil blend. In January, I started on Vitex. All this time, I told myself that I would give it until February and if there's not progress, I would look for a new doctor. My original one wanted for me to try Clomid. I tried going to an endometriosis specialist, but after an interview and exam, said that she didn't feel like I had it, and suggested IUI. No, what the heck? My body is supposed to do this naturally! Now everyone is telling me it will cost thousands of dollars to conceive?
My Grandmother suggested her gynecologist. She was an older woman, but I was really impressed. She also didn't feel that I had endometriosis, but instead wanted to focus on my ovulation. I told her that I used OPKs last year, and they gave an LH surge. But she explained that a surge in LH doesn't always equal ovulation. She sent me to get bloodwork, and told me that she wanted me to chart an entire cycle for her to see. Grrr...I charted last year and it was very, very stressful. Last year, I would see my temperature decline about 3 days before Aunt Flo came to visit. So once that happened, I had 3 days to sulk and prepare for the pain (both emotional and physical). But I would do what I had to do. She also told me to get prenatals and to start taking iron pills again (did this early last year, but never refilled my prescription). I also re-stocked my progesterone cream (with a different brand)
At the last moment I came across some information on bee propolis, and a study on how infertile women with mild endometriosis were able to conceive using it. It was pretty cheap, so I picked up a bottle of the capsules that combined Royal Jelly/Bee Propolis/Bee Pollen. I started taking my temps. I had a tough time pinpointing ovulation since there were two mini rises before a major rise occured. But I was pretty sure it happened. Then, to my surprise, I never saw a decrease in my temperatures. OMG! So I took a ClearBlue Digital test at around 10 dpo (my luteal phase is only 13 days, so the fall should have happened). It came up with a clear 'Not Pregnant'. Oh well. I kept temping so that I would at least know when to expect my period. Still...no decline. Hmmm. Maybe I was in the 20% of women who need up until they miss their period before registering a positive pregnancy test. It was hard, but I tested again at 15 dpo. I went into it feeling pretty good, because other than some mild cramping on 13 dpo, I had no PMS symptoms yet. And it came up positive!
Wow, wow...WOW!
I have no idea what happened this cycle that didn't on the previous 14. In addition to the supplements, I stopped taking Naproxen; which I used to use during my period for pain. I read that NSAIDs can negatively effect ovulation. So during my last period, I opted to take a small dose of Ibuprofen (which is also an NSAID, but weaker) instead. It could have been that. Or the bee propolis. Or none of the above! Who knows. G-d is the one who creates life...not us. So regardless, I can make no claims in regards to this success.
It's funny because I was reading this article which talked about early pregnancy symptoms. I never got in of the famous symptoms...like nausea, or a heightened sense of smell. But I did get several of these! First of all, I had gas. In fact, I was standing in line at the grocery store, and out of no where passed gas...loudly! I was mortified, and honesty sounded like I pooped myself. No one turned to look at me, so maybe it was much louder in my head. Or maybe people are just super polite. I just froze. I didn't know what to do. Do I say "excuse me" in public to a bunch of strangers? Even so, it has never happened to me where I just couldn't control it and it would just let loose out of nowhere like that! The other symptom I had was a runny nose. It's not like when you have a cold. It's like your sinuses start producing water all of a sudden and it runs from the back of your nose, down your throat. Again, it's not mucusy or thick. It almost feels like tears are running down your throat. And the other symptom I had was joint pain. Mainly in my elbows, but in my shoulders and hips too.
Now my concerns move to this first trimester. When I was pregnant before, I was clueless. But I also didn't have any physical symptoms. Now I worry that lack of symptoms mean that something is wrong. Also I've had cramps randomly here and there...which never happened before. But it could also be that I didn't have a diseased uterus before either. Also I'm concerned that perhaps my eggs are old...and that's why I had issues conceiving...and it could cause issues with the baby's development. Who knows. What happens is what happens...but it will be very difficult to go through a long conception cycle again.
In the meantime, I'm very, very thankful and grateful. Grateful to be given this opportunity. Grateful to have G-d's help in getting this little seed planted and started on its way. If I'm given the honor, I can't wait to meet you and raise you. Life is not easy, but we need to enjoy it nonetheless.
Ok, that's all for now....and I hope to update before the baby arrives!