Hand-written Entries
1/28/03 7:20p.m. - I started off the New Year with A new love. Thinking I would never get over Bill, Chris walked into my life. I met him at Kristyns New Years day. I started off the night as a total bitch but I was nicer as the night went on. The night went on and things happened...He was leaving and for some reason I didn't want him to. I had just met him and already he was irrestable to me. I saw him the next night and I knew that I wanted to be with him. Friday Chris had work so Ashley Liz, Kristyn and I went "bowling". I thought about him all night. Saturday he came to Kristyns and we had another great night. There was something about him that I really liked but I couldn't figure it out. Sunday, Brian, Chris, Kristyn, Steveo, and I all went to the mall.It was fun except he was checking out other girls. I knew that we weren't together but I was still so jealous. I couldn't stop him so I just dropped it.On the 7th after leaving my house he called me and ended up asking me out! I was so happy. My friends were suprised because of my HIGH standards but to me he had reached all of them. My friend Julie had been being a shallow bitch one morning and we are now not friends at all any more. Long story short I am VERY defensive of the guys I'm with. That Friday and Saturday I went to kokomos for the 1st time and I had so much fun but I still could not stop thinking of Chris. I decided it was definatly the right choice to limit myself to just Chris. He was the only one I wanted to be with. I had started to like him alot...Until last Saturday the 25th. We were laying in Donny's room and I was thinking about the time we had been spending together and about how much I had liked him. I realized I was falling in love. I debated about how it would turn out to becoming just another heartbreak but then decided it's a risk wiling to take. There were no ifs ands or buts about it I was falling in love no way of denying it. As I whispered "Chris... I think I'm falling in love with you." My heart stopped. I didn't know what to expect back and when he said what he said my heart skipped a beat I was so happy- "T.J., I've loved you since the day I met you." I'm still finding myself falling more and more in love with him each day.
1/29/03 6:45 p.m.- Last night Chris called and 9:30 yelling. I thought he was going to call me but he thought it was the other way around. I really don't have to put up with this. My childish excuses? I've put up with your "forgetting" and when he hung up on me. If he was anyone else we would have been over forever ago. I don't waste my time putting up with other peoples shit. He was different though. I've been very felxiable with him. I was fine with it but it's already getting old and fast...I still like him so much. I would never be able to break it off. I'm still falling in love with him but I don't think I will BE N LOVE with him for awhile. Depends on how things I go I guess...
1/30/03 11:22 p.m.- It finally happened...We broke up. He said we rushed into everthing 2 fast. He said it feels to weird to him for some reason. Weird? Maybe for you but to me I would have descibed everything to being more... perfect. So we were going through some fighting but when ou say I use too many childish excuses? I'm immature?? How do you explain yourself? Oh but it's ok if it's you though right? When I said I was falling in love with you it wasn't just for kicks. I truly ment it. You say you want to take a step down? Well, basically your sick of limiting yourself to just me. You say you still like me... but obviously not enough? You brought up love for the past couple weeks and when I finally tell you that I'm falling in love it's over? Just like that? If that's what you want, so be it, but bringing me down telling me I'm immature? How is it that I'm immature when I could have taken this a completly different way? Turned it around, said everything was a lie... every kiss, every glance, every word that came out of my mouth. It could have all been a lie. But when it comes down t6 love/relationships there is no time you need to lie. You feel the way you feel and you don't feel the way you don't feel. Lying about feeling something is what I consider immature... so who's the immature one now??? If you say something and can't keep up with it looks like you need to think about it a lil bit b4 u speak. I tried so hard not to cry on the phone. I couldn't believe all this was happening. Maybe it was to early for me 2 tell you something you couldn't handle, but once we hung up I could not stop myself from crying. All of a sudden someone I was falling in love with feels weird and wants to take a step down. It feels as if you've slammed a door in my face and your on the other side, laughing. I just wish I could have kept my mouth shut Saturday night and maybe we could have still been together
1/29/03 6:45 p.m.- Last night Chris called and 9:30 yelling. I thought he was going to call me but he thought it was the other way around. I really don't have to put up with this. My childish excuses? I've put up with your "forgetting" and when he hung up on me. If he was anyone else we would have been over forever ago. I don't waste my time putting up with other peoples shit. He was different though. I've been very felxiable with him. I was fine with it but it's already getting old and fast...I still like him so much. I would never be able to break it off. I'm still falling in love with him but I don't think I will BE N LOVE with him for awhile. Depends on how things I go I guess...
1/30/03 11:22 p.m.- It finally happened...We broke up. He said we rushed into everthing 2 fast. He said it feels to weird to him for some reason. Weird? Maybe for you but to me I would have descibed everything to being more... perfect. So we were going through some fighting but when ou say I use too many childish excuses? I'm immature?? How do you explain yourself? Oh but it's ok if it's you though right? When I said I was falling in love with you it wasn't just for kicks. I truly ment it. You say you want to take a step down? Well, basically your sick of limiting yourself to just me. You say you still like me... but obviously not enough? You brought up love for the past couple weeks and when I finally tell you that I'm falling in love it's over? Just like that? If that's what you want, so be it, but bringing me down telling me I'm immature? How is it that I'm immature when I could have taken this a completly different way? Turned it around, said everything was a lie... every kiss, every glance, every word that came out of my mouth. It could have all been a lie. But when it comes down t6 love/relationships there is no time you need to lie. You feel the way you feel and you don't feel the way you don't feel. Lying about feeling something is what I consider immature... so who's the immature one now??? If you say something and can't keep up with it looks like you need to think about it a lil bit b4 u speak. I tried so hard not to cry on the phone. I couldn't believe all this was happening. Maybe it was to early for me 2 tell you something you couldn't handle, but once we hung up I could not stop myself from crying. All of a sudden someone I was falling in love with feels weird and wants to take a step down. It feels as if you've slammed a door in my face and your on the other side, laughing. I just wish I could have kept my mouth shut Saturday night and maybe we could have still been together