Need to get it out a little..sorry.

[missmonkey]

I talked to Jefferson's mom Tuesday night. She called to tell me that she sent me a check so that a friend and I could go out Thursday (today) the day everyone found out he had passed, in memory of Jeff. I didn't know what to say. We talked briefly and she told me that he loved me very much and she knows that I loved him and that we shared a special bond. It's hard to hear her say that because I knew his family. He took me to a couple different family things and would always talk about me to them. I went to his brother's wedding reception with him and it was *so* lame that he and I got drunk on beer and made the dj play 80's songs. We danced together all housey like and it made his family laugh. They thought we were so much fun. And it WAS so much fun. He and I could make anything fun just by sitting there and saying things that would make eachother bust out giggling.

I got the card yesterday and it said more of the same. She said I was so important to him and she knew how much he loved me. It was the first time I've broken down in quite some time, but it was ok.

Today I feel ok. I have a hard time not thinking about the evening when I found out. I don't think I've ever felt that bad in my entire life. Even through cancer and all that, this hurt the most out of anything I've ever gone through.

I'm going to buy a special candle and light it today for him. And expensive as hell and beautiful one. I'm also going to buy a huge beautiful snail that I saw the other day for my fish tank and name it Jeffie.

I can't believe it's been a year. Things happen for a reason. I am truly thankful to have been blessed with his love for as long as I was.