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haven't been here in a while - i'm a myspace whore more recently / I've been busy
Rowing season has started, and with it so has beautiful weather. i forgot how alive being outside in the sun makes me feel. it's beautiful. today after rowing emma, larn and i went to nyack beach and just were lying down on a picnic table for three hours, looking out on the river or up in the sky, talking, laughing. then emma and i went to her house, ate a cupcake, and sat in her adirondack chairs in the backyard and talked for an hour. i love her, she's such an amazing person. i love my friends, even though it at times feel like we're all growing apart too quickly. but i guess that's how it goes - we're always moving on, moving out, leaving and meeting people, falling in love or pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. For the past couple of years, I've been pulling my boot straps, and I feel like I'm finally close to standing up straight; it feels really good. People still hurt me, things said still affect me, they probably always will - but now, in general, I feel beautiful and happy on a daily basis. It's new, and I like it.
I all of a sudden have such an urge to just GO. Peg and I are backpacking through Europe this summer and I know it will be amazing. Peggy is one of the most beautiful people I know beacuse she has such a free spirit. I know we're going to have a great time.
I met a boy, i suppose. I knew him already - but I kind of re-met him - which is entirely possible, because we all change so much every day that we are always having to re-meet each other. He's really nice and I get on with him well. I don't think he likes me the way I like him (and i'm not even sure how I feel about him). I've been trying to keep my eyes & options open. Things with Mike feel, as usual, distant; I feel as if I'm being held out, far, far away from him, hanging on a shoe string that he draws in closer to himself as he pleases. I feel that I've been in a three legged race with him since August and I'm trying to run and he's standing still...so recently, I've been thinking of just cutting that damn shoe string or finishing the race by myself... even if I'm not over him; even if I still want him to feel about me the way I do about him. But honestly? I don't think he's ever felt as much for me as I've felt for him, and he never will. Or, if he does, he has a pretty confusing way of showing it...and frankly, i'm tired of trying to figure him out. I'm tired of this dragging me down. So I think it's time to admit that I fucked up and begin to move on; it's been a long time coming, and so now, I think I'd best be going.
Rowing season has started, and with it so has beautiful weather. i forgot how alive being outside in the sun makes me feel. it's beautiful. today after rowing emma, larn and i went to nyack beach and just were lying down on a picnic table for three hours, looking out on the river or up in the sky, talking, laughing. then emma and i went to her house, ate a cupcake, and sat in her adirondack chairs in the backyard and talked for an hour. i love her, she's such an amazing person. i love my friends, even though it at times feel like we're all growing apart too quickly. but i guess that's how it goes - we're always moving on, moving out, leaving and meeting people, falling in love or pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. For the past couple of years, I've been pulling my boot straps, and I feel like I'm finally close to standing up straight; it feels really good. People still hurt me, things said still affect me, they probably always will - but now, in general, I feel beautiful and happy on a daily basis. It's new, and I like it.
I all of a sudden have such an urge to just GO. Peg and I are backpacking through Europe this summer and I know it will be amazing. Peggy is one of the most beautiful people I know beacuse she has such a free spirit. I know we're going to have a great time.
I met a boy, i suppose. I knew him already - but I kind of re-met him - which is entirely possible, because we all change so much every day that we are always having to re-meet each other. He's really nice and I get on with him well. I don't think he likes me the way I like him (and i'm not even sure how I feel about him). I've been trying to keep my eyes & options open. Things with Mike feel, as usual, distant; I feel as if I'm being held out, far, far away from him, hanging on a shoe string that he draws in closer to himself as he pleases. I feel that I've been in a three legged race with him since August and I'm trying to run and he's standing still...so recently, I've been thinking of just cutting that damn shoe string or finishing the race by myself... even if I'm not over him; even if I still want him to feel about me the way I do about him. But honestly? I don't think he's ever felt as much for me as I've felt for him, and he never will. Or, if he does, he has a pretty confusing way of showing it...and frankly, i'm tired of trying to figure him out. I'm tired of this dragging me down. So I think it's time to admit that I fucked up and begin to move on; it's been a long time coming, and so now, I think I'd best be going.