“My Better Half” Chapter 4: Assholes, Beers and Chicks
Story Title: My Better Half
Fandom: Megamind
By: Megan Martian
Edited and Co-written by: Annie (techininja218)
Chapter Title: Assholes, Beers, and Chicks
Word Count: 6,426
Rating: PG for mild language
Summary: One of the greatest lessons in life is that everyone has the potential for good and evil. So when Megamind is distracted and accidently lets something slip on air, what lengths will he go through to earn back in heroic visage? Set after Tighten's defeat and the opening of the Megamind Museum.
I do not own Megamind or Linda Ronstadt’s Blue Bayou
Chapter 4
Assholes, Beers, and Chicks
From the center of his own fan club, Minion looked up just in time to see his boss wander back into the fray the look on his pale face said it all, “Uh, sorry kids, Uncle Minion has to go ahead and get going with Uncle Megamind. Hero work and all.” The kids groaned and mumbled about life being unfair as their parents ushered them away. Minion waved them off, “Bye now!” before he skipped trotted over to his boss, “Hey Boss-what’s wrong?”
Megamind mumbled something before wobbling back to the Invisible car. “Sir…?”
He sighed when his friend didn’t answer and just flopped into the passenger seat and closed the door. Getting into the driver’s seat, he cheerfully started up the car, humming to himself.
"My, my, that was certainly something!" The fish observed as the engine came alive. Megamind just watched the passing scene of Metropolitans conducting their daily businesses outside or inside little coffee shops, bookstores, clothing boutiques, etc. in the vain hope that he would catch Roxanne in or among them.
"Did you see the way she looked at me?"
Minion sighed and rolled his eyes, "Well you know how women are. If you get a bunch of them together in one room, they'll tear each other apart. I'm sure she'll be fine, Boss."
"But..." His mind still raced, "What if she breaks up with me? We've only been dating for a week! And-and-and I saw her talking to that Delaney fellow, and he said-"
"Sir- get a grip! You are seriously over-thinking this!" Minion cautioned, while trying to keep his eyes on the road.
But Megamind held his head as panic started sitting in, "Oh, she's going to think I'm cheating on her or something!"
Minion tried to intervene, but Megamind kept reeling in horror at all the possible misunderstandings.
“Oh! This is a disaster! She’ll get fed up with my lack of socially agreeable boyfriend protocol and just dump me! Dump me like a bag of three week old rotten tomatoes,” he began to writhe in his seat totally convinced of his, soon-to-be, biggest failure of his life, “Rotten!”
Hitting the brakes a little harder than necessary at a stop light Minion turned and tried to reason with his overly dramatic overlord.
"Look Sir, this is pretty simple," Minion said calmly as he forced his annoyance back down, "Buy her some nice flowers, ask her out to dinner… have a string quartet play outside her window or something-I don't know! Trust me, it'll be ok!"
Megamind looked up from his little puddle of misery, "Do you think so?"
"I do." The fish gave a toothy grin of reassurance.
Going through the light, Megamind punched him playfully, "Minion, you fantastic ingenious fish, you! When did you get so smart about the fairer sex?"
Minion looked away shyly, "Daw… I watch a lot of T.v..."
He checked his watch for the hundred and sixty-seventh time of the last ten minutes. It read 5:45pm. Where is she? She should be here by now… Is she really mad at me? Did she get my flowers? Are we breaking up? These thoughts continued to race around his mind, tangling his stomach in knots as he checked his watch again. 5:45pm. He really needed to invent a machine that made minutes go faster… Drumming his fingers on the table he looked out on the waterfront. The peaceful surroundings made him that much more anxious. He couldn't help but feel like this was the calm before the storm. His conversation with Jeremiah Delaney from earlier that day kept replaying in his head, over and over and over,
“…let’s be serious, Megamind, what do you think her and Metro Man used to do after they dropped you off at the prison all these years?”
His knee jerked in anxiety,
“How do you know she’s not going to go out tonight to some skeevy pub looking for a good time?”
The Blue Bayou Grill was highly regarded as one of the top fine dining establishments in the world. Not only were its chefs known for their seafood cuisine of extravagant deliciousness but the atmosphere was something unique as the grill was stationed on a pier with a porch that overlooked the bayou's calm waters. At this particular time of year, the seating on the porch was a favorite for romantics to enjoy the twilight sky with the rising full moon as it reflected on the water and to listen to the live band that played nearby.
Fidgeting with the table’s single candle, Megamind made sure to get a table as close to the water as possible. He checked his watch again. 5:46pm.
“… if I were you I would make up to her real fast or she’s going to be looking elsewhere for her recreation. Don’t want her breaking up with you.”
It wasn't difficult for him to get a table either. All he did was show up at the hostess's desk wearing his normal (since she admitted to preferring it) black suit, cape, spiked shoulder pads and De-gun. Upon noticing him, the hostess nervously called the manager over who made sure to give him the best one in the house before scurrying away. He didn't know whether they were terrified that he might rob the place, or if they were showing their thanks for all the work that he had done since become the city’s defender. Despite his tense anxiety, he smirked proudly as his eyes wandered over his less fortunate fellow diners. It's good to be the hero.
Then those same green eyes shot to his watch yet again, 5:48pm. WHERE IS SHE?
Then he saw her cautiously enter the dining room across from him and nearly knocked over the table as he leaped to his feet in exuberant delight and waved her over, "Roxanne!" Her attention grabbed, she made her way over.
Once she cleared the main room's tables, he received a clear view of her outfit. She was shooting for simplicity with a white buttoned sleeveless blouse that left her shoulders completely bare and a red and brown plaid skirt that fell above her knees. A pair of well worn brown boots that almost met the skirt left her kneecaps bare. Hanging from one arm was what looked like an old faded blue denim jacket. He smiled appreciatively.
"Hey, sorry, were you waiting long?" She asked after a huff. He noticed that her hair seemed damp and that she wasn't wearing any make-up. She looked almost... fresh. He liked that a lot. "I was in kind of a rush to get here."
"Not at all, I just got here myself." He arrived two hours prior. Fumbling, he managed to pull her seat out for her to sit, facing the water and the band, who were still getting set up. "I got us the best seat of the house!"
She looked uncertain, "Hey, you didn't have to do-"
He waved her off hurriedly, "No, no, no. You're my girlfriend; that means you're getting the best of everything." You are my girlfriend, right?
She sat and they placed their orders to the waiter before going quiet. Then without warning, they each blurted out simultaneously,
"Roxanne, I'm so sorry about-" "I acted like such a bitch-"
They paused…
"You have nothing to apologize-" "You're not a beech-"
Then they laughed…
"It's a good thing we got that cleared up!" She said before sipping her water. He laced his gloved fingers together.
"So, we're… not breaking up then?"
She smiled at this, "Of course not! If everyone broke up with each other over such stupid little things, no one would ever be in love or- or be happy..."
His breath hitched, "In Love?"
"How's everyone doing tonight, huh?" Came a very familiar voice through the amplifier and the couple glanced over to see who it was...
And their jaws dropped at the very familiar bearded man in red baseball cap, t-shirt and faded blue jeans sitting on a bar stool on a raised stage in the middle of musicians.
"I'm your Music Man for this evening, and my super vision is showing me that there a lot couples out there tonight." He gestured around with the mic, "So for you guys, this little ditty that I'm about to play is an oldie but a goodie, this fine establishment's namesake and a personal favorite of mine... The "dead" man winked in Megamind and Roxanne's direction. "It's about someone going through great lengths to be with the one they love..." He hoisted the acoustic guitar onto his lap and strummed a few notes before singing,
"I feel so bad I got a worried mind
I'm so lonesome all the time
Since I left my baby behind
On Blue Bayou"
The whole restaurant quieted down as they listened. Roxanne turned to look back at Megamind and mouthed, Did you know he was going to be here? Who silently shook his head just as surprised, his green eyes watching her without her notice.
"Saving nickels saving dimes
Working till the sun don't shine
Looking forward to happier times
On Blue Bayou"
"That reminds me..." She looked back again, lips pursed.
"I'm going back someday
Come what may
To Blue Bayou"
He was resting his mouth against his clasped hands and waited for her to continue.
"Those roses you sent me..."
"Where the folks are fine
And the world is mine"
"Please say you like them."
She touched her chest and blinked, "I- I love them! They are most phenomenally beautiful flowers that I have ever seen- much less received!"
"On Blue Bayou
Where those fishing boats
With their sails afloat"
"Oh, thank goodness!" He let out a baited breath. The skin beneath his sleeves and gloves itched and stung from clipping those roses from his vicious Mega Rosebud.
"If I could only see
That familiar sunrise"
She closed her eyes, seeking the right words, "All I can say is- is thank you, Megamind... Megs..."
"Through sleepy eyes"
She could see the corners of his lips twitch upward, "Megs... I like that...” He shyly watched her beneath his lashes, No! Mister Delaney is wrong! Roxanne would never fall for that… musically talented oaf! He glanced towards said oaf; She would never succumb to his handsome visage! She cares about me and I shouldn’t let his slander ruin this moment. Looking back with a hopeful smile, “May I call you Roxie?"
"How happy I'd be"
She giggled to herself and tucked a damp strand of hair behind her ear, "Yes, you may.” She blushed and smiled warmly. But then a thought stuck her, “Wait-Ok, this is going to sound completely silly, but…” she looked away with a cooked grin.
“Hmm?” he coaxed. “What?”
“Uh… I… don’t think I ever asked you for your name…” She let out a laugh, “How incredibly rude of me! What is your real name?”
He gave her a strange look, completely taken off guard, “It’s not rude why you want to know?”
“I mean… Megamind can’t be your real name, can it?” she frowned, “Is that… what your parents named you…? Before they, uh…”
He smiled and offered, “Got flushed down the toilet of space?”
She winced and looked down, “Sorry, I didn’t mean-- I know it’s a tender subject.”
He shrugged, “Not really. Not anymore anyway, when I was a kid it was but, I grew up and made a name for myself. Literally.” He chuckled. “As to what I was called after I arrived here? I was called by a lot of different names, some quite disrespectful, some boorish, obvious.” He pointed to his skin and shrugged, “Warden always called me ‘Kidd’ until I decided to name myself.” He looked at her with a soft smile.
“But, did your parents, um… give you a name, though?”
He frowned at this and his brows knotted together in thought, “I don’t know. I was only eight days old when I left. That’s the earliest I can remember. Minion doesn’t know either. He was given to me just moments before my parents kicked me out of the house-so to speak.”
“I’m sorry…” she said with a frown.
He shrugged again and shook his head, “Don’t be. I’m sure you weren’t the black hole that sucked up my planet before I arrived here.” He said all of this so casually, so matter-of-factly. It’s not that he didn’t care, it’s the way his cards were dealt and he had to basically put it behind him.
“Does Minion remember your parents at all?”
“He said he only really met my mother the day she picked him up from the Minion Farm.” He chuckled slightly, “Don’t tell him I said this but apparently out of all the other minions he was the smallest and weakest and would often get picked on by the other Minion’s and overlooked by potential owners. So when my mother arrived at the Farm to choose a Minion for me, he stayed in the corner because he knew he wouldn’t get picked. Then she pointed to him. He said she argued with the owner and wouldn’t budge until he was hers.” Megamind smiled, “He said when they left, she told him, ‘You may be small, but wonderful things come in small packages.’ “
Roxanne smiled, “She was absolutely right about that. She sounds like an amazing person.”
“Yeah.” He said with another smile, “That’s what I hoped anyway. He doesn’t remember if she ever said my name… As they were walking back home, was when chaos struck. In the panic that followed, adrenaline rushes, sometimes memories fade or become confusing…” He sighed, “So we had to create our own identities. And well, here I am,” he spread his hands out before her, “I am simply Megamind. But you, my dear,” he cooed softly, taking her hand, kissing it and stroking it softly, “may call me whatever you wish.”
She giggled, “Ok.” And blushed profusely what’s in a name anyway? An alien by any other name would still be an ET. “And about the flowers… I hope you didn't go to a lot of trouble to find them."
"Maybe I'll feel better again
On Blue Bayou"
He shook his large head, still smiling blissfully from her permission, "Oh, no trouble at all."
When earlier that afternoon...
"GET HER FLOWERS HE SAYS-MINION!" Megamind screamed as he was violently flung into the air the fourth time in the last half hour. In one hand were a pair of garden shears and in the other were two deep blue roses. "HELP ME!" The Brain-Bots were doing their level best to save him by zooming and zigzagging all over one of Megamind's earlier failed experiments- the giant Mega Rosebud.
Once an ordinary rosebush, Megamind genetically altered its cellular structure in an effort to destroy Metro Man with its pollen, everyone has allergies, right? The outcome of said experiment was a murderous rose bush that refused to be killed by even the most powerful weed killer. These days the monstrous bush stayed planted in a bright sunny corner of Minion’s herb garden threateningly soaking up nutrients and sunlight, but did provide excellent shading for the koi pond.
But now that it is enraged by the assault on its greenery the plant used its wicked tendrils and thornier stems to latch onto its former master and tossed him high into the air again.
Minion stood far off at a safe distance, shaking a finger at his master. "I told you- What did I tell you? I said BUY her flowers, not prune them from Rosie out back!"
"I'M GONNA DIE!"
"And whose fault is that?"
"OH MY GOD!"
Minion sighed and trudged into the garden shed. "I swear, I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times... He always blames me whenever he screws up..." Grumbling he pulled out a bag of the Mega-Fertilizer, "All you have to do is give 'er food and water first, but noooo, he'd rather do it the hard way."
By now Megamind was running along a thick branch, zapping one of the giant raging plant's twisting vines with his gun as he tried to clip another rose. "Minion! Do something!"
Strolling back out while carrying the bag, the fish disgruntled poured the fertilizer at the flower's base. "Ok, Rosie... Time for din-din... Come on, sweetie..." He then proceeded to hose the plant down, and in short time the bush calmed down and eventually went still.
Panting, Megamind fell out of the tangle of thorns and leaves, scratched and bloody while holding an armful of roses. Heaving, he trotted close to Minion and said with relief, "Whew. There. That was easy." His servant shook his head and with a roll of his eyes before heading back into Evil Lair.
"Just don't ever let them near blood." He now advised Roxanne, flexing his throbbing fingers. She laughed at his "joke" despite the fact there was a hint of stern horror in his face.
It was in these small moments that she liked him best, when he tries as hard as he can to make her smile, not seeming to realize that it really wasn’t that difficult in the first place. Taking a second she just glanced around their surroundings, by all accounts it was perfect. The restaurant wasn’t loud; the water was gorgeous as it reflected moon beams, and even Music Man- he almost sounded like a real singer! Still pretty terrible though. She couldn’t help but chuckle.
As the music continued into the chorus, Megamind reached over and brushed his fingertips against hers, gently coaxing her out of her reflections. Her heart throbbed at the sight of him; his azure skin tone seemed to glow gently in the soft lighting of the patio and their table’s single candle. She reached up to stroke his soft face, curling her finger beneath his jaw line. With his free hand, he responded to her touch by leaning his face into her hand and lightly touched her chin with his thumb and forefinger.
"Oh that girl of mine
By my side"
They both lowered their lashes as he tilted her head to the side, "Roxanne..." She parted her lips as he pulled her chin forward-
"The silver moon"
"How precious."
"And the evening tide"
Roxanne jerked back and looked behind them. "Are you stalking us?" She nearly shrieked. Megamind just glared at the intruder with narrowed eyes. Delaney... This man is really becoming a bother.
"Oh some sweet day
Gonna take away "
Delaney scratched his chin, "Mm, no. Perhaps it's coincidence that we keep running into each other, Miss Ritchi. Ever think of that?"
She bared her teeth, "Every time Megamind and I are together, there you are! I find that pretty strange!"
“This hurtin’ inside”
"Roxanne, calm down." Megamind spoke up, touching her arm and moving a hand, "Let me handle this."
She glanced around at the other guests, some nearby were examining the commotion rather than the band. She looked at Metro- Music- or whatever his name was. He gave no indication of noticing what was happening at their table.
"Well I'll never be blue
My dreams come true"
Megamind calmly rose and stood face to face with Delaney, who was several inches taller and wider than he, hands raised in a "Lets just be friends" gesture, "Now, Mister Delaney. We are here having a nice, relaxing dinner. If there is anything you would like to get off your chest, I can free up my schedule tomorrow, where maybe we could have lunch or coffee and straighten out whatever it seems that's bothering you about me." He made a smile that he hoped was as friendly as his offer was.
"On Blue Bayou"
As the last note died and the applause erupted, his smile faltered uncertainly.
"Alright Megamind, Let's get to the point of what's bothering me. It’s not something that really warrants a lunch date anyway. Do you really believe that you're a superhero?"
Megamind glanced to Roxanne and back, "Well, I would think that's obvious... Heh."
"Right, right..." Delaney made a show of ponderence. Roxanne hid her face. She felt awful that her new boyfriend had to put up with this on his own.
"And you know what superheroes are known for, correct? They practice violence and revenge as a way of life. Not only that, but you used to be a supervillian and have been known to terrorize the whole city with your nefarious deeds." Delaney continued, growing louder as the applause died down. Megamind began to perspire as eyes were drawn to him and the man.
"Now, is it just me, or this a bad role model for children?" He glanced around in accordance, some obvious parents and grandparents gasped with this announcement. "I mean, if I had kids, which I don't because I don't want to bring a life into such troubled times, but if I did, I would be greatly concerned with who they looked up to for guidance and protection."
Megamind took a shaky breath, eyes darting around. "Well, I-"
"But back to the supervillian routine." Delaney waved him off. "Now, granted, everyone makes mistakes, but ol' Megamind here has been making the same exact mistakes for years! Each time, he tried to rob a bank, or blow up a train or kidnap Roxanne," When she tried to cut in, he winked at her, "We'll get to you in a minute, Roxie."
Megamind sucked in a breath his eyes flashing with forgotten wrath. No one. No one else on earth was allowed to call her that. His fists curled and shook as this new found possessiveness took over. Delaney was crossing lines by the baker’s dozen.
Mortified, she looked around her for anyone to step in and rescue Megamind from this slander. She was shocked to find that the whole restaurant was listening intently. How can they switch sides so quickly? "Mega-" She whispered to him, touching his arm for his attention, "look, maybe if we just leave?"
"Shush!" He hissed, try as he might, he was struggling in keeping his old villainous anger at bay. I am the defender of justice! I will not run from a fight! I will stand and fight against anyone or anything that stands in the way of my happi-he cleared his throat, of what’s right.
"As I was saying," Delaney smiled. "Throughout his existence here, he has shown little, if any moral code. He isn't willing to risk his life for anyone here; he hasn't taken down anyone too terrible--"
"That's not true!" both Megs and Roxanne shouted in unison.
"He defeated Tighten after he kidnapped me!" Roxanne growled.
"After he created Tighten in the beginning, you mean. He created Tighten just so he could have someone to manipulate for his own ends. And he even used his own 'Minion' to take the fall for him. Maybe he was growing tired of losing all the time? Perhaps he wanted to control the outcome in any battle and if Tighten proved to be just a little too much, boom! All Megs here has to do is pull the plug. He would rather put someone else in harm's way than deal with it himself. Does that sound like a hero to you?"
"You're insane! Ever since Tighten was defeated Megamind has done nothing but good deeds! He's rescued most of you from danger!" She addressed this to their audience, "How can you turn your back on him because of what he's slandering?" She pointed a finger at Delaney who examined his nails nonchalantly.
"How about we draw our attention to you, Roxie-dear?"
"Don't call me that." She ground out between her teeth. She could practically feel Megamind smoldering with banked rage.
Delaney raised his arms in question as he stepped closer to her, "What is it with this girl and the guys, huh?" He chuckled, "I mean, is this all a game to her? Most people would never, ever allow themselves to be kidnapped multiple times, but here we have Roxie."
"Just what are you implying, exactly?"
He leaned in to feign an intimate whisper, "I think you get off on this sort of thing."
She gasped, covering her mouth. Breathing heavily, Megamind blocked her with his body, fist clenched, his eyes carried a dangerous glint that only a righteous fury could give, "Don't." He was beginning to seethe with rage. He was losing the fight to control that angry thing that lived inside him.
"First, Megamind and now Tighten? I mean, really?" Delaney acted as if the two never said anything. It's remarkable of how well he seemed to capture the audience’s attention. "Maybe you just have a thing for the bad boys. In which case, you better watch out Megs; as soon as a new villain takes up residence here, you'll be dead quicker than our dearly departed." He jerked a thumb to the far wall that featured an autographed Metro Man poster.
Swallowing in the effort to quell his desire to punch the jerk, Megamind said in a trembling voice, "Now listen, say what you will about me, but don't drag Roxanne into this-"
Ignoring his statement, Delaney leaned to the side to look behind Megamind to the stunned Roxanne, “Miss Ritchi, don’t you think that a loser villain is a step down from champion hero?”
Megamind’s eyes widened as the man’s words echoed in his mind, loser? I’m… a loser?
The man continued, “Megamind, remember what we talked about earlier today?” He jerked his head back to the poster, “Who do you think put that great big super smile on his face?”
Roxanne gasped and shot to her feet, “What?! Don’t listen to him Megamind! It’s a lie, all of it!”
“How do we know it’s a lie?” Delaney asked. “He can’t very well rise from the grave and tell us differently, no?”
Roxanne looked behind her towards the band that was now cleaning up their equipment, Metro-Music Man kept his back to their table. Why isn’t he helping? She thought to herself as she glared at Music Man’s back.
Delaney continued in his assault, “How long was it after Metro Man’s death did you switch, hmm?”
“Stop it, right now!” She hissed, trying to come in between Megamind and him but was stunned to find that Megamind pushed her behind him, protectively, “Why are you attacking us like this?”
Smiling predatorily, Delaney took a small step back, “How am I attacking, Miss Ritchi?” The man asked, splaying an open palm on his chest “Is it really attacking someone if I only speak the truth? You talk of high morals and righteousness but I have yet to see otherwise.” He narrowed his eyes and flicked his tongue over his white teeth, “All I see is a wannabe hero and a villain loving whore.”
With a roar of fury, Megamind attempted to launch himself at the infuriating man in front of him. Gasping Roxanne sprung into action and wrapped her arms around his thin build. It took all of her energy to hold him back, "Megamind," she harshly whispered in his ear, "this isn't worth-"
Unfazed, Delaney just continued to goad the blue beast, "Don't you know that villains don't get the girl?"
"I'm not a villain!" He argued, ignoring her. "Not anymore!"
"But you were! And you have the potential to return to it! You even said so yours-"
"That was an accident!" He barked fighting Roxanne’s hold.
"A likely excuse, and on live television of all places."
"I didn't mean it-"
"Heroes take responsibility for their mistakes-"
"I'm trying too! I'm trying to fix everything-"
"No, you're out on a date. You're having a nice and relaxing dinner with Miss Ritchi instead of doing you duty of protecting this city. You wanted to be a hero- that is what heroes do.”
Roxanne was losing her fight against his anger, losing her grip on her hero, she prayed for someone to help stop the violence she knew would come. Growling, Megamind eventually felt a firm hand land on his shoulder, squeezing him with subtle inhuman strength- a strength he knew only too well from years of it being inflicted upon him, "Good evening, my friends!"
The three looked up in the smiling bearded face of the Bayou's Music Man, "How about a drink on me?"
Megamind looked at him with such relief that his legs nearly gave out.
Oh... Thank God, thank you so much! He looked up to his former nemesis with such admiration that he nearly threw his arms around him and shout, 'My hero!'
Delaney just folded his arms and examined the musician suspiciously. "You look familiar, do you I know you?"
Music Man beamed and held out his hand to shake, "If you know good music, then you know me. Call me Sam. Sam Riley- Or in the biz, Music Man. How ya doin'?"
Delaney refused to take it. "Charmed. Well, you have your little hero here, Megamind." Even though the alien glared daggers at him, the man gave a two fingered salute, "I'll be seeing you." pocketing his hands he turned and left, whistling a merry tune.
Not if I see you first... Megamind vengefully glared at his retreating back.
The couple stayed quiet as the dining room erupted in whispers or laughter about what had transpired.
"I'm going to the bathroom." Roxanne mumbled, voice low and shaking, head bowed. Before the two men could respond she sniffed and rushed off to the facilities. Megamind turned on his savior; fist clenched, teeth bared,
"Why-why didn't you jump in, before?"
Music Man or Sam Riley as he now wants to be called rubbed his neck and frowned, "C’mon let me buy ya a ‘round." He clapped a hand over Megamind's shoulder who, at first, refused till he finally giving in.
They went to the bar and sat down as "Sam" waved for the bartender’s attention.
"Why didn't you try to stop him?" Megamind pressed.
"Because I'm not the hero anymore."
“You’re right. I am. The loser.” He replied sulkily, folding his arms on the bar and laying his head on them, glaring at his and Sam’s reflection in the wall length mirror behind the bar. He was fuming! "That doesn't mean you can't barge in and have that guy thrown out!"
"This is your fight, little buddy."
“Don’t call me “little buddy”! I’m not your buddy! Buddy’s don’t buddy up with their buddies’ buddy- buddy girlfriend!”
Sam just eyed him in concern, “Are you ok? Do you need a hug? A beer? A muzzle? I think you need a muzzle!” he chuckled to himself, “You need chill out, man.”
“I don’t need a beer!” Megamind fumed, slamming his fists on the lacquered bar counter. Men and women further down the bar looked up and watched him worriedly. Sam gave his best good humor grin and shrugged in a ‘can you believe this guy?’ kind of way.
Narrowing his eyes at the blue alien, humor left him, “Hey, you need to calm down.”
“I am calm! I’m just fine-- fine and dandy and peachy keen!” Poor Megamind was positively on the fritz.
Sam turned in his stool to face him, “Do we need to have a talk outside?”
His tone made Megamind flinch, knowing full well what the man formerly known as “Metro Man” meant by “talking.” It had something to do with fists and laser vision. He glared down at the counter, fists clenched and shaking, taking a deep breath, “No.”
“No, we can talk about this if that’s really what you want. I may be retired but,” He pointed a finger to the smaller alien who eyed it worryingly, “that doesn’t mean I won’t put you in your place if you continue to embarrass yourself and Roxanne.”
Weighing his options, “No we don’t need to have a talk-just tell me! Did you and… her…” he gulped, “In the past… do anything… that would… require… physical… attention?”
Sam took a moment to think this through, “Well… we did-“
Megamind cried out grasping his cranium in misery, “I knew it!” He gestured a hand at Sam who rolled his eyes and took the beers that the Bartender handed him, “She had a God and now she’s with a puny little blue runt like me!”
Planting a bottle in front of his buddy, “You didn’t let me finish- we did repaint her apartment once.” He took a gulp from his.
Glancing up to the brawny man, “Oh. Right.”
Sighing, “We didn’t screw around Megamind. Roxie and I are just friends.”
Twitching he peeked up to him, “Promise?”
The larger man placed his right hand over his heart and raised his left, “You have my solemn word as a former hero that we did not sleep together.”
Letting himself collapse against the bar before him, Megamind exclaimed, “Oh good! I knew it!”
The man gave him a look as if to say, ‘no you didn’t.’ but didn’t say anything, “So, what brought this whole scene on?”
Megamind slumped in his stool, “So you did hear everything.”
Sam wiggled an ear, “Super hearing, remember?”
“Then why didn’t you come in sooner and stop him? Didn’t you hear what he called Roxanne?” He took a shaky breath, shaking his fists, “I’ll make him pay!”
“Yeah, I heard, and I’m sorry you had to deal with that. But I can’t get involved.”
Megamind gave him an incredulous look, “And why not?! Its common courtesy- which these people seem to be lacking!" he referred to the patrons.
Sighing, he took a sip of his beer, "He has a point. You wanted to be a hero- this is what heroes have to put up with."
"It shouldn't be allowed!"
Sam chuckled, "What do you want to do? Round up all the assholes in the world and shoot them at the sun?"
"It's a thought."
"Well, you can't."
"Why not?"
He ticked off his fingers, "Because, A it's impossible and B you're still thinking like a villain. You have to get your head out of that game."
"What he's doing is an injustice to me!"
Sam gave him a reprimanding look, "I had to deal with him too, remember? That's part of the reason why I died."
Megamind folded his arms and leaned on the bar counter, his beer untouched. "Maybe I should 'die' too..."
"You can't give up just because of one prick. If you show him any kind of response, you're just giving him fuel for fire. Your best defense is a good offense."
Megamind groaned and hid his face in his arms, “AUGH, I don’t speak sports win-guistics!”
The humanoid shrugged and offered, “Just ignore him?”
"But then he started talking about Roxanne and-and I couldn't help it..." Megamind looked at his clenched fists, "I almost pulled out my gun to dehydrate him! I almost went back to my old ways..."
"That's what it takes to be a hero." Sam took another sip, watching him. "You have to think clearly in the presence of adversity and to be able to take the abuse and ask for more."
Megamind watched as water condensed on the untouched beer in front of him. His eyes unfocused as the cold amber liquid bubbled and fizzed within the curved glass, holding it in and protecting the outside world from its bitterness. He didn't like beer, preferring the calculating smoothness of wine, instead.
His mind began the familiar starburst sensation of whenever an idea started to form and he blinked. If I were to remove half of the beer from its body, then I would still have it. It would still be strong enough to kick butt but it wouldn't leave you drunk... And quite suddenly an image appeared in his mind's eye. Egg-shaped. If he took the same extractor machine that he used to manipulate Metro Man's DNA from his dandruff and modify it for a whole body... He could technically remove part of himself, store it away and still be able to fight crime... He might even be stronger! No one ever said you needed a dark side! His eyes bugged out at this realization, "That's it."
Sam paused between swigs and glanced down at him curiously, "What's it?"
Roxanne appeared behind them, her eyes were red and her voice hoarse, "Um... I'm just going to call a cab and go home..."
The two swiveled to face her, Music Man with a beer in hand, "What?"
"I'm going home."
Megamind looked dazed, bewildered and preoccupied, "Uh... Ok. Ok. Let me just..." He patted himself for his car keys.
Sam finished his beer and cut in, "You know what? For old time’s sake, let me take her home."
He nodded with a frown, "Ok, yeah, sure." They’rejustfriends… they’rejustfriends… they’rejustfriends… He repeated mentally, his knee jerking anxiously.
She nodded too, "Yeah, alright. Good night, Megs... See you tomorrow?" She offered a small half smile, as if to say I still believe in you.
Nodding he returned it, "Yeah, tomorrow." thank you…
She hesitated for a moment before she surprised him by flinging her arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek, “See you later.”
The man formerly known as Metro Man rose up from his stool and took her coat, "Welp, lets vamoose."
Still reeling from the nights events and feeling the warmth of her kiss on his check, Megamind touched it lovingly as he watched her go before swiveling back to face the bar counter. Shaking his head to rid himself of the silly grin that threatened to grow, he started to get his mental notes in order,
"Bartender? Could I have a napkin and a pen?"
The bartender silently handed both and Megamind spent the rest of that evening at the bar, drawing up sketches and making notes.
Chapter 3