Behind Blue Eyes (Hallelujah #4)
Title: Behind Blue Eyes.
Author: Mara
Fandoms: The OC/OTH
Rating: R
Warnings: Mentions of suicide.
Summary: No one knows what its like, To be the bad man, To be the sad man, Behind blue eyes
Notes: 4th in the Hallelujah!Verse. Takes place after 'Breathe No More' and 'No Happy Ending', but before 'All These Lives'. Title comes from the song of the same name by Who.
Behind Blue Eyes
Ryan's life was his work, or at least that's how it looked to everyone around him. He worked long hours, had an apartment that he only had the most essential of furniture in, and he didn't go out with any of the women his family and friends tried to set him up with.
"Atwood, you've got to let go of her," Summer said gently as she stood in the doorway of his office, her eyes sympathetic.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Summer," Ryan replied, looking up from his paperwork.
"Marissa's been..."
Ryan shook his head. "I'm not pining over Marissa," he said. "I stopped giving a shit after her third attempt in a year."
"She never..."
"She laid down on my bed, swallowed the anti-clotting pills she'd stolen from Caleb, and slit her wrists," Ryan said bluntly. "She didn't want to be there with me back then, so I'm sure as hell not gonna want her here with me now."
"She still loves you," Summer said. "She talks about you all the time..."
"Aren't you the one who told me..."
"I know, but... things are different now, and..."
"And she wants me to take her back so she can get released from the 'clinic'," Ryan said. "You know that's the only reason, Summer. Once she's out, it's all going to start again, and I... I'm not putting myself, not to mention Julie, Kaitlin, and Jake, through that shit again."
"Then go find a girlfriend, Atwood, because you deserve to be happy," Summer said firmly.
"I was," Ryan said, admitting it for the first time. "I was so damn happy with her..."
"I know Marissa..." Summer began.
"I'm not talking about Marissa," Ryan said with a sigh. "There was... there was someone while I was gone. She was... amazing, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."
"So why didn't you?"
Ryan sighed again. "I was waiting tables, and she was working as a clerk in a clothing store. Thing is, she was a brilliant designer, but there was no money to fund her line. She'd had one, created it in high school, but life threw her a few curve balls, and... and she gave it up before we met. But she deserved to have the amazing life I couldn't give her..."
"Well genius, you are one of California's most eligible bachelors..." Summer began.
Ryan snorted. "Too bad she's engaged," he said, gesturing at the magazine that sat on his desk.
Summer grabbed it, looking at the article it was folded open to. "Brooke Davis?" she said, jaw dropping. "You dated Brooke Davis? I'm..."
"Wearing one of her designs, I know," Ryan said. He shrugged. "But hey, she's happy. That's all I ever wanted."
"That's what the new Ryan was all about," Summer said in sudden realization. "That's why you came back and asked Kirsten if the job offer at The Newport Group was still there."
"I was gonna make myself good enough for her, and... and I'm too late," Ryan said with a sigh. "I lost her."
"She's not married yet," Summer said. "Go see her..."
"He was her high school sweetheart," Ryan said. "You never get over your first love, right?"
"Ry..."
"You still love Seth even after all his bullshit," Ryan said pointedly. "Because he was your first love. I'll always wonder about me and Theresa, because she was my first love. You never really get over them, you just make a detour and always dream of going back."
"You need to go out and have some fun," Summer said quietly, moving around to crouch down beside his chair and take his hands in hers. "I know a couple really hot girls who'd love to be seen with you," she teased.
"I'm fine, Roberts," Ryan said, squeezing her hands. "Don't worry so much."
"I can't help it," Summer said, straightening enough to kiss his cheek, near the corner of his mouth.
"Now what would your husband say about you kissing California's most eligible bachelor?" Ryan teased.
"Nothing, because Zach knows I'd kick his ass if he tried to make us stop being friends," Summer said. "Besides, I know way too many of his kinks that he doesn't want getting out..."
"Oh, Roberts, I did not need that in my head!" Ryan protested, laughing.
Summer laughed with him and tugged him to his feet. "Come on, you're having dinner with me and Zach. And no, you can't get a raincheck," she said.
"Can I at least save my work and shut down my computer?" Ryan asked.
"I suppose," Summer said, releasing him and crossing her arms over her chest. "But you better be ready to go in 5 minutes or else."
"I know better than to risk it," Ryan said, offering her a smile before sitting back down to finish up.
The End
Don't ask me where some of this came from... this story was suppose to be mostly canon until the ends of Season 4 for both shows (Except for Jamie not being Naley's son, but Brucas' and born much later...), but then came the line about Marissa's suicide attempts, and her stealing pills from Caleb for her 'last' attempt (meaning at the very least they didn't die when they did on the show...) but then I say Marissa is still alive... and then Summer is suddenly married to Zach... lol... How do these things get so far from what my intent was? lol
Author: Mara
Fandoms: The OC/OTH
Rating: R
Warnings: Mentions of suicide.
Summary: No one knows what its like, To be the bad man, To be the sad man, Behind blue eyes
Notes: 4th in the Hallelujah!Verse. Takes place after 'Breathe No More' and 'No Happy Ending', but before 'All These Lives'. Title comes from the song of the same name by Who.
Behind Blue Eyes
Ryan's life was his work, or at least that's how it looked to everyone around him. He worked long hours, had an apartment that he only had the most essential of furniture in, and he didn't go out with any of the women his family and friends tried to set him up with.
"Atwood, you've got to let go of her," Summer said gently as she stood in the doorway of his office, her eyes sympathetic.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Summer," Ryan replied, looking up from his paperwork.
"Marissa's been..."
Ryan shook his head. "I'm not pining over Marissa," he said. "I stopped giving a shit after her third attempt in a year."
"She never..."
"She laid down on my bed, swallowed the anti-clotting pills she'd stolen from Caleb, and slit her wrists," Ryan said bluntly. "She didn't want to be there with me back then, so I'm sure as hell not gonna want her here with me now."
"She still loves you," Summer said. "She talks about you all the time..."
"Aren't you the one who told me..."
"I know, but... things are different now, and..."
"And she wants me to take her back so she can get released from the 'clinic'," Ryan said. "You know that's the only reason, Summer. Once she's out, it's all going to start again, and I... I'm not putting myself, not to mention Julie, Kaitlin, and Jake, through that shit again."
"Then go find a girlfriend, Atwood, because you deserve to be happy," Summer said firmly.
"I was," Ryan said, admitting it for the first time. "I was so damn happy with her..."
"I know Marissa..." Summer began.
"I'm not talking about Marissa," Ryan said with a sigh. "There was... there was someone while I was gone. She was... amazing, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."
"So why didn't you?"
Ryan sighed again. "I was waiting tables, and she was working as a clerk in a clothing store. Thing is, she was a brilliant designer, but there was no money to fund her line. She'd had one, created it in high school, but life threw her a few curve balls, and... and she gave it up before we met. But she deserved to have the amazing life I couldn't give her..."
"Well genius, you are one of California's most eligible bachelors..." Summer began.
Ryan snorted. "Too bad she's engaged," he said, gesturing at the magazine that sat on his desk.
Summer grabbed it, looking at the article it was folded open to. "Brooke Davis?" she said, jaw dropping. "You dated Brooke Davis? I'm..."
"Wearing one of her designs, I know," Ryan said. He shrugged. "But hey, she's happy. That's all I ever wanted."
"That's what the new Ryan was all about," Summer said in sudden realization. "That's why you came back and asked Kirsten if the job offer at The Newport Group was still there."
"I was gonna make myself good enough for her, and... and I'm too late," Ryan said with a sigh. "I lost her."
"She's not married yet," Summer said. "Go see her..."
"He was her high school sweetheart," Ryan said. "You never get over your first love, right?"
"Ry..."
"You still love Seth even after all his bullshit," Ryan said pointedly. "Because he was your first love. I'll always wonder about me and Theresa, because she was my first love. You never really get over them, you just make a detour and always dream of going back."
"You need to go out and have some fun," Summer said quietly, moving around to crouch down beside his chair and take his hands in hers. "I know a couple really hot girls who'd love to be seen with you," she teased.
"I'm fine, Roberts," Ryan said, squeezing her hands. "Don't worry so much."
"I can't help it," Summer said, straightening enough to kiss his cheek, near the corner of his mouth.
"Now what would your husband say about you kissing California's most eligible bachelor?" Ryan teased.
"Nothing, because Zach knows I'd kick his ass if he tried to make us stop being friends," Summer said. "Besides, I know way too many of his kinks that he doesn't want getting out..."
"Oh, Roberts, I did not need that in my head!" Ryan protested, laughing.
Summer laughed with him and tugged him to his feet. "Come on, you're having dinner with me and Zach. And no, you can't get a raincheck," she said.
"Can I at least save my work and shut down my computer?" Ryan asked.
"I suppose," Summer said, releasing him and crossing her arms over her chest. "But you better be ready to go in 5 minutes or else."
"I know better than to risk it," Ryan said, offering her a smile before sitting back down to finish up.
The End
Don't ask me where some of this came from... this story was suppose to be mostly canon until the ends of Season 4 for both shows (Except for Jamie not being Naley's son, but Brucas' and born much later...), but then came the line about Marissa's suicide attempts, and her stealing pills from Caleb for her 'last' attempt (meaning at the very least they didn't die when they did on the show...) but then I say Marissa is still alive... and then Summer is suddenly married to Zach... lol... How do these things get so far from what my intent was? lol