Three conversations with the Lynxcub this evening
I thought I'd posted this a while back (it was from March 23, or at least that's when I posted it on FB), but when I went to make a new post tonight, I realized I'd only just saved it as a draft....
#1:
Lynxcub: "Who's that?" (Pointing at the TV in the restaurant we were in, which was showing a clip of Rob Ford tangling with reporters)
Me: "That's the mayor. You know, the one you compared to Jar-Jar Binks a while back..."
Lynxcub: "Oh yeah..." (laughs)
Me: "Although hopefully he's not going to be mayor for very much longer..."
Lynxcub: (interested) "Why not?"
Me: "Because there's going to be an election soon, and there's a candidate running who will hopefully make a much better mayor, if she wins."
Lynxcub: "Can we help her win?"
Me: (pleased) "Well, sure, we can try! People who are running in elections always need volunteers to help with stuff, like handing out pamphlets and buttons and things, so if you want, we could --"
Lynxcub: (cutting me off) "Actually, I meant by shooting the bad mayor. With a Nerf gun. A really good one, like that disc-shooting one from the Zombie Strike series."
Me: "...Are you saying you think Rob Ford is a zombie?"
Lynxcub: (in his grownups-are-silly voice) "Nooo! I just think it's the best gun for the job, is all."
Me: "I'm not so sure shooting the current mayor with a Nerf gun is the best strategy for helping Olivia Chow win..."
Lynxcub: "I know! Why don't we just super-glue him to the ground, so he can't get up?"
#2:
(In the same restaurant. Lynxcub is gazing thoughtfully out the window while nibbling on pickles)
Lynxcub: "What if there was a zombie body on the ground, only it didn't have any arms or legs, or a head, just a body, rolling around on the ground? Wouldn't that be funny?"
Me: "Er... Where did that idea come from?"
Lynxcub: "I don't know, I just thought it!"
#3:
Me (after chasing him down when he disappeared for about the dozenth time in one evening) "Sweetie, how many times have I told you NOT to run away like that? When we're out in public, I do NOT want you running off to somewhere where I can't see you, or hiding from me because you think it's funny..."
Lynxcub: (laughs uproariously)
Me: (getting angrier) "...because there are BAD PEOPLE in the world, who HURT CHILDREN, and they look for children who are NOT with their parents, so that's why I get SCARED when I don't know where you are!"
Lynxcub: "Well then, I'll just carry a Nerf gun everywhere I go!"
Me: "Carrying a Nerf gun will NOT protect you. A Nerf gun is a toy, not a real weapon."
Lynxcub: (sounding excited) "How about a knife? Can I carry a knife everywhere I go?"
Me: "NO, you can not carry a knife everywhere you go! YOU ARE SIX YEARS OLD!"
Lynxcub: "I know! How about a BIG staff, with knives on both ends? And I can spin it around so it'll be like whirling blades in every direction!"
Me: "You are NOT. GOING. TO. CARRY. ANY. WEAPON. You want to know what the best way to protect yourself is? STAYING WITH ME WHEN I TELL YOU TO!"
Lynxcub: "Hmmph! Well, how about I just carry a camera, and then if I get kidnapped, I'll just take pictures of the kidnappers, and their house and their car and everything, and e-mail them to you, and then you can come and pick me up?"
#1:
Lynxcub: "Who's that?" (Pointing at the TV in the restaurant we were in, which was showing a clip of Rob Ford tangling with reporters)
Me: "That's the mayor. You know, the one you compared to Jar-Jar Binks a while back..."
Lynxcub: "Oh yeah..." (laughs)
Me: "Although hopefully he's not going to be mayor for very much longer..."
Lynxcub: (interested) "Why not?"
Me: "Because there's going to be an election soon, and there's a candidate running who will hopefully make a much better mayor, if she wins."
Lynxcub: "Can we help her win?"
Me: (pleased) "Well, sure, we can try! People who are running in elections always need volunteers to help with stuff, like handing out pamphlets and buttons and things, so if you want, we could --"
Lynxcub: (cutting me off) "Actually, I meant by shooting the bad mayor. With a Nerf gun. A really good one, like that disc-shooting one from the Zombie Strike series."
Me: "...Are you saying you think Rob Ford is a zombie?"
Lynxcub: (in his grownups-are-silly voice) "Nooo! I just think it's the best gun for the job, is all."
Me: "I'm not so sure shooting the current mayor with a Nerf gun is the best strategy for helping Olivia Chow win..."
Lynxcub: "I know! Why don't we just super-glue him to the ground, so he can't get up?"
#2:
(In the same restaurant. Lynxcub is gazing thoughtfully out the window while nibbling on pickles)
Lynxcub: "What if there was a zombie body on the ground, only it didn't have any arms or legs, or a head, just a body, rolling around on the ground? Wouldn't that be funny?"
Me: "Er... Where did that idea come from?"
Lynxcub: "I don't know, I just thought it!"
#3:
Me (after chasing him down when he disappeared for about the dozenth time in one evening) "Sweetie, how many times have I told you NOT to run away like that? When we're out in public, I do NOT want you running off to somewhere where I can't see you, or hiding from me because you think it's funny..."
Lynxcub: (laughs uproariously)
Me: (getting angrier) "...because there are BAD PEOPLE in the world, who HURT CHILDREN, and they look for children who are NOT with their parents, so that's why I get SCARED when I don't know where you are!"
Lynxcub: "Well then, I'll just carry a Nerf gun everywhere I go!"
Me: "Carrying a Nerf gun will NOT protect you. A Nerf gun is a toy, not a real weapon."
Lynxcub: (sounding excited) "How about a knife? Can I carry a knife everywhere I go?"
Me: "NO, you can not carry a knife everywhere you go! YOU ARE SIX YEARS OLD!"
Lynxcub: "I know! How about a BIG staff, with knives on both ends? And I can spin it around so it'll be like whirling blades in every direction!"
Me: "You are NOT. GOING. TO. CARRY. ANY. WEAPON. You want to know what the best way to protect yourself is? STAYING WITH ME WHEN I TELL YOU TO!"
Lynxcub: "Hmmph! Well, how about I just carry a camera, and then if I get kidnapped, I'll just take pictures of the kidnappers, and their house and their car and everything, and e-mail them to you, and then you can come and pick me up?"